to sacrifice my 20s for money?

[CharliesSister]

Name changed because this is outing, I've posted about my job before.

I'm 25. Fairly recently I got a job abroad as a Nanny. The money is very good, enough for me to put around £6k a month into savings. I'm very lucky.
However, the salary is high because my life has been sold (temporarily) to the family I work for. I work 7 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. I live in a country where socialising is near on impossible, and I don't have time anyway. I have one months leave a year which I use to see my family, I don't go on holidays.
The positive side of having no life is that I don't spend any money, so the vast majority goes into savings.

The plan is to stay working here until I'm 30 or go mad and use the money saved to buy a house outright, and therefore buy significant freedom and stability for my 30s onwards.

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties. I've been invited to several big parties back in the UK where all my friends will be (and I've not seen most of them for 6 months or more) and I know I can't go.
I'm tired all of the time, I'm insanely bored (there's nothing to do here) and no one around me speaks English so I'm isolated too.

Am I silly to stay? My friends and family are jealous of the opportunity I've been given so I feel incredibly guilty to not be loving it but someone today said that I was wasting my youth, and money isn't everything.

(Note: whilst I don't actively enjoy it, I don't hate it either and feel I can stick it out for a few years)

Thanks to everyone for the advise.
I think sticking it out with short term goals is definitely healthier.
It's such a difficult one to explain because whilst on the surface of it it is exciting etc, working so many hours and being in this country is like a mild form of social isolation.

Advi c e.

Do it for 2 years tops and come back, you don’t need to buy a house outright. The longer you are away, the more difficult you will find it to reintegrate back at home. You don’t want to come back home to have fun when al your friends are busy dealing with kids and young families.

Money is not everything, you also need to invest the time and effort in building the life you want where you ultimately want it.

*advice

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar You beat me to it!
Though considering all your other posts have been questioning my honesty, were you just hovering around waiting to criticise me for something?

I'd do 2 years, save up a really good deposit and then get on the property ladder over here. I only read the first few replies and some people were saying "you'll still be young at 30", well you will but you'll never get that time you spent working constantly with no life back.

This comes from someone who spent half their 20s saving for a house deposit, not going on holiday or enjoying being young to the full. I had a boyfriend (now husband) and we sacrificed a lot in terms of just enjoying ourselves and having a life. We did buy a house (with a good deposit), had a big wedding and now have 2 children under 2. We should have travelled more and generally enjoyed our 20s more than we did. We'll never have the freedom we had back then to just do whatever we like until we are v old and our children are grown up.

@sunshineonarainyday321 what are the kind of things you'd like to do, though? You can still travel with kids

It's such a difficult one to explain because whilst on the surface of it it is exciting etc, working so many hours and being in this country is like a mild form of social isolation

That's why the pay is exceptionally high. It's a deal. If the pay wasn't incredibly high, you would just leave wouldn't you? You wouldn't do that job for £20k, they have incentivised you to overlook the bad side of it.

It's fine to cut a deal but a bit strange to be puzzled by it. The money is compensation for living in isolating circumstances and working very intensively.

I think it's fine to stick it out, but if you feel your mental health suffering at all, I'd get out at that point.

I’d stick it out as long as you can. Reassess monthly if you like, no need to talk about years and years. I did a version of this - high earning antisocial job in my twenties to allow me to buy in London- and it has set me up well financially.

Great idea OP, having a house (with mortgage) in early 20's gave me the security I rely on now. I wasn't one for going out much although I did enjoy travel and you still can.

Your friends will be jealous later when they struggle to meet the mortgage payments and can't afford any holidays in their 30's.

My advice is grit your teeth and do it. I've had friends work on oil rigs and similar for a few years, and the difference its made to their quality of life now we're all older is noticeable.

OP, you need to write a book - we are more interested in your job than your dilemma (sorry)

charliessister you can still travel with kids but there are a lot of of destinations/kinds of holidays off limits. For example I wouldn't take my kids to Africa on safari or the kinds of holiday you move around lots, it just isn't practical. Even if we visit the same places we would have as a young couple, the holidays wouldn't be the same kind of holiday there's no fancy meals, we can't really have a drink in the evenings and have to put the kids to bed. Going on holiday with kids is the same routine different location!

I'm lucky I did travel the world in my early 20s with a girlfriend, I think I feel like I missed out on the nice couples holidays or more adventurous ones with my husband. We were pretty dull looking back focusing on saving!

@LifeBeginsAtGin I keep meaning to do a blog or even a vlog if I can get over the self conciousness but I put it off as I have no idea where I'd even start.

For those saying how much I'd need for a house... well my family are all in the Midlands so £200k would buy me a nice 3 bed detached outright. But if I wanted to buy in London... well! I've only ever lived in West London so my perception is skewed but £200k wouldn't get me that far, and I'd "only" get a £200k mortgage on a Nanny salary there so I'd be looking at the £400k range which would perhaps get me a 2 bed flat?

If you didn’t like the family or the children I would recommend leaving but you seem okay with that. Do you have to be subservient?

Are you allowed to go outside and meet other expat women? Or do you have to be chaperoned?

I would do it for a year or two and save. Useful to remember that however much we plan in life, nothing is certain! With no real employment law there, the family could dismiss you at any time on a whim.

I worked for an airline in the Middle East (not Saudi) in my twenties. I lasted a few months and saved a few grand from my tax free salary (all accomodation was free) but left as I found it a strange place. Lonely and isolating too. But I enjoyed the five star hotels and “glamour” whilst I was there!

You're still young enough to do this for a couple of years, get a good chunk of savings AND have a couple of years left in your 20's to come back home and have fun.

No one in their 30's has their act together. I'm 38 and still winging it day to day!

I would do it for 2 years. You would have a great amount of money by then and still be young!

@sunshineonarainyday321 I used to live in South Africa and went on Safari with the kids I worked with (I worked at a school at that point so it was me and 30 kids, and no health and safety clearly) and I promise its absolutely doable.
I travelled solo round Africa for 7 weeks after that and saw loads of people backpacking with kids. I got the impression it was easier with toddlers and they are more "wearable".

For adventurous holidays that you can take kids along to I'd recommend:

South Africa - hostels often have family rooms at dorm prices (Penthouse on Long is one I recommend in Cape Town) and the Baz Bus is a safe, kid friendly means of touring the coast.

Israel - don't be put off by anything other than the expensive alcohol! I went to Tel Aviv and then hitch hiked (#ThingsYouDon'tTellYourMother) to Jerusalem and Bethlehem. Whilst I wouldn't recommend the hitchiking with kiddies, the country is very family friendly and again you can get rooms in hostels that are for families.

Egypt - I took a coach from the Israeli border down to Sinai and that was lovely for a week (and CHEAP!!!) and again very family friendly, lots of beach cafes to chill in.

Change up the schedule a bit so you are waking the kids later and going to be later (think 9 to 9 perhaps) and there's no reason why you can't do the majority of things you would do without kids.

I've got more suggestions (I've been around a bit ) but i'll stop blabbering now.

Do you have to be subservient? Are you allowed to go outside and meet other expat women? Or do you have to be chaperoned?

I refuse to be subsurvient and thought nothing of hiring an Uber and buggering off on my first day which I think somewhat set the tone. Having now spoken to the previous nannies, they were never allowed to leave except with the chauffeurs but my ignorance of that rule meant I immediately broke it and didn't die so now I do as I please on my day off. It's weird because I'm the youngest member of staff (and the youngest ever British Nanny they've had) but I'm just left to it, all the others are chaperoned.

*first day off that should say, I didn't just walk out on my first day!

I’m really intrigued OP, you should write a book!

Do you have to curtsey to the family? Or the children? Is it first names with the children?

You have been travelling, you will still travel (and I’d think the luxury might offset having to work), so I think what you’re missing out on is sleep, freedom and social contact. I’d stick it out a bit longer. Being able to buy a house outright near your family would be great, even if you rent it out and live elsewhere.

@Polarbearflavour I don't work for the Royal Family. Probably for the best as I wouldn't curtsy to anyone. My friend did (she lasted 2 weeks, sounded horrendous) and apparently you must face them at all times, never turn your back. I imagine that's impossible when looking after children.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree Yes, I've travelled a lot. Not been on many "holidays" if that makes sense which I've seen a lot of friends do. Mostly solo backpacking style travel.

I did something similar albeit a different line of work. Got married and had children early 30s and now really pleased that I gave us such a solid financial foundation. As long as you're not unhappy, keep at it. When the fun stops stop and all that but as someone else said, you're still young in your 30s, you'll. just be financially better off than a lot of people

You're only seeing the best bits of your mates lives. You're seeing the worst bits of yours. You're mates probably hate their jobs and earn much less than you. Just save up a decent chunk of money. Most of us would kill to earn enough to save 6k a year.