to sacrifice my 20s for money?

[CharliesSister]

Name changed because this is outing, I've posted about my job before.

I'm 25. Fairly recently I got a job abroad as a Nanny. The money is very good, enough for me to put around £6k a month into savings. I'm very lucky.
However, the salary is high because my life has been sold (temporarily) to the family I work for. I work 7 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. I live in a country where socialising is near on impossible, and I don't have time anyway. I have one months leave a year which I use to see my family, I don't go on holidays.
The positive side of having no life is that I don't spend any money, so the vast majority goes into savings.

The plan is to stay working here until I'm 30 or go mad and use the money saved to buy a house outright, and therefore buy significant freedom and stability for my 30s onwards.

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties. I've been invited to several big parties back in the UK where all my friends will be (and I've not seen most of them for 6 months or more) and I know I can't go.
I'm tired all of the time, I'm insanely bored (there's nothing to do here) and no one around me speaks English so I'm isolated too.

Am I silly to stay? My friends and family are jealous of the opportunity I've been given so I feel incredibly guilty to not be loving it but someone today said that I was wasting my youth, and money isn't everything.

(Note: whilst I don't actively enjoy it, I don't hate it either and feel I can stick it out for a few years)

Sacrifice your twenties. I’m 26 and I say do it. It’s either this or do what most people do, sacrifice their twenties, thirties, forties,fifties...and if you work in a supermarket like me, you, probably still not own a home to have any decent stability by then. I’d rather have my shit together as early on as possible...and by shit, I mean my money. Once you’ve got your money, your sorted. Right now where you are you have an opportunity to make the kind of savings that can take other people decades. You only have this opportunity now. You can party and go out and meet people at any age, trust me, I know it must seem tempting, but it’s only because you don’t have it. It’s actually quite depressing for a lot of people. We go out and socialise to take our minds off things like money worries.

Will I be able to afford to pay the rent in a few months time? God knows, but for now I can go out and keep my mind off it. I have two kids and I feel guilty for having them sometimes because I can’t really say with honestly that I can afford to give them the best life I could have if I had a better job.

I really think about how great things could have been if I had ever been unattached and free to throw myself into a career. You have that opportunity, and you should make the most of it. In the same way, I’ll be making the most of my own opportunity, where although I’m poor and without a decent career, I have the joy of a young family and ability to have a social life. The grass is always greener.

Why don't you explain why you work 24/7; yet there are four of you?

Im "head" nanny, largely in charge of managing the others, controlling the schedule and all educational stuff. The other nannies have a child each and do all physical care, two of them take it in turns to work every other day so there are only 3 of us at a time. Without going into boring detail about the schedule, the days are full. I do the night shifts solo, which between 3 under 4s, means I rarely get an undisturbed night.

We're doing it (although it's taken till late 30s to get to that income!)

DP and I are working super hard, and we're on target to retire in the next 5 years - the kids know this (4 and 7) and are giving us a break on holidays etc. on the understanding that in a couple of years, they have us entirely to themselves...

There's an awful lot to be said to having that spare grand a month that not having to pay rent/mortgage can give you - it's the freedom to work part time, or have a nice car, or good holidays.

Make hay when the sun shines.

Money buys you options. 30 is young. Imagine the feeling of owning a house no one can ever take off you?

You can chane careers, make choices that those saddled with debt never can.
Id go for it. If it doesn’t work, call time early

I’d compromise and do it until you’re 28. It’s great money and will no doubt set you up, but you have your own life to lead too...

Working flat out fora few years to be mortgage free sounds ideal to me especially in your chosen career.And life is still there for living in your 30's,40's and onwards and even better if you have no money worries and are in a position to pick and choose your employer's in the future.

that sounds tough. i'd do it for as long as i could handle. maybe until 28? and that will give you a very nice nest egg. invest it wisely tho.

No. Money isn't everything. It honestly sounds like hell. You will never retrieve your twenties back. I wouldn't do it.

Even if you did it for a year, that’s £72k.
Depends where you want to live later
Is it something you could stick out for a max 2 years, clean up £140 k
Buy something, rent it out; travel?

Loads of jobs are shit. I speak from experience, being financially secure and only working when you feel like it; not obliged to is fantastic.
You’re only 25. I can barely remember my 20s.
Missing parties is no big deal. One night of drunkenness!

Just invest wisely. Look at offshore bank accounts. Your money will accumulate faster than you think if you place it well.

You may never get the chance to earn like this again. The freedom it can buy you in the future to spend time with your own family, dc's, travel, study.

I hope you are taking good financial advice about where to keep your cash to make the most of it.

It would take me a year to save £6k. If I were you I would try and work 1-2 years and then leave for home.

Knowing what I know now that I’m in my 40’s I’d say DO IT!

Commit to one year at a time though so you can reassess as you go.

Having no money worries in your 30’s would make them way way way more fun. It’s no fun worrying about bills. I’m constantly stressed and worried.

I suppose it’s all different for everyone, but as someone who has always and still does struggle for money, my one regret in life is not approaching money and earning differently.

If I had my time over again I’d change that. My advice is do it.

I sacrificed a lot of my 20s to the NHS.

I would say do it for a couple of years-- £100k as a deposit will be a big help especially if you buy out of London. Even in London though you should be able to get a small flat with that a normal london "nanny" wage.

I'm slightly regretful about the holidays I didn't have, the weekends away I didn't go on and all the family stuff I missed because I was at work.

Sorry, I'm trying to work my way through and answer as many questions as possible.

*I don't have much in savings at present as the first few months I spent paying off debt from money my ex stole from me (whole other story) and my mother's business debt

*I have no big dreams, this is part of my concern, and no burning desire to pursue a different career.

*Yes, the family are very very wealthy and its a celebrity/VIP family

*Yes, the majority of the year is spent in Saudi

*I've painted the job as quite miserable, apologies, to be fair it has its perks. I live in a very fancy house/mansion and all meals are prepared by one of the chefs. This summer we will tour Europe in a private jet and stay in the best hotels. Which I know is amazing, but I will also be at work so swings and roundabouts

*There are 22 staff in the house I work in, 45 staff in total on the estate. There are 7 members of the family resident.

*I am casually dating someone who I met online and he is aware of how much I'm away. I've only been "seeing" him for about 10 weeks and he's lovely, but of course I only see him when I'm home which has been 2 seperate weeks since January.

*A lot of my friends are in their mid to late thirties so I know that life doesn't end at 30

*I have a business that is currently being run by my mother back in the UK and will be employing someone in September. This would make enough for me to live frugally should I go back to the UK.

*I could potentially go back to the UK and work as a Nanny on £52,000 a year, or take a mad job at around £70,000 but those are rare and generally awful

Still reading so sorry if I've missed anyone's questions

To put it into context, a take home pay of £6k a month is a salary of over a hundred thousand a year. That is probably the top couple of percent of earners who have studied, climbed a career ladder, long hours, no life and are probably in their 40s. Your 30 year old self would probably say stick it out. 30 is not old. By saving now, you will put yourself on a completely different life path.

Forget about Facebook and Instagram, it’s so fake.

Different things work for different people. It's great to take the opportunity to save now, but how long to stick it out has to be the big question.

I took a job in my 20s which was abroad and while the salary was fairly average for a graduate the potential for bonuses was massive. One of my colleagues got a Euro1m bonus the previous year, and another colleague was retiring at the age of 35. It was long hours but not quite so crazy as yours.

Of course the one who retired was the only one I knew of who managed that... the others had no life to retire to, he was the only one I knew who managed to maintain a family and a life outside work.

I only stuck it for 4 months then left by mutual agreement I would have been dead of a heart attack within a couple of years if I'd stayed (or on drugs, which in hindsight I'm sure some of my colleagues were). Leaving was totally the right thing to do - I hated the job and it was starting to make me ill.

But (if you're still reading, this is my point) I am really really glad I took the job and gave it my best shot. Because if I hadn't tried it then every time I had a bad day I would be thinking "if only I'd taken the job I could be mortgage free or even retired now".

So my advice would be do it for as long as you can hold on to your friends and family (and sanity) but as soon as you feel any of those might be slipping away then leave and enjoy the fruits of your labour.

Believe me that everyone sacrifices something to succeed in their 20s. I worked in a no money no hols job because it'd be good for my future. Other ppl have babies at your age when you're fertile and young enough to have a bit of energy. The grass is always greener but your sacrifice sounds greener than most

As others have said I would maybe do it for 2/2.5 years. You will still have a good sum to put towards a house & you’ve clearly worked really hard. I personally think it’s important to let your hair down & be a bit crazy particularly if your not in a relationship. The problem with waiting until your in your 30s is many of your friends may be getting married or thinking of kids & they may not have the time, inclination or money to let loose once your ready.

6k per month??!!!!

fuck me at least stick it another year - that's 72k

I remember you OP - unless there are two runimantive high earning nannies which I suppose there could be! I felt for you in your previous post and I do now too - I know where you’re coming from and it’s tough!

Obv there are pros and cons to either staying or leaving but I did something similar and I found that being abroad for a chunk of my early 20s was quite damaging to my friendships - people get ahead of you, marriages babies etc. And the parties you miss now will not come round again (at least not if your friends get proper jobs and real commitments like mine have done!) and they do matter. Although I’m now lucky to have a house in the UK and have moved back I do feel like others around me are much more integrated into UK life. It takes time to build friendships in your late 20s/30s and it’s hard when, as in my situation, your friends are scattered about and you don’t have roots/ a reason to stay in one place.
Also, as you may well know if you’re in the Middle East, ex pat culture is weird and in a way hard to Give up. Coming now back to the UK and being “normal” can be a real anticlimax even if you don’t love the country you’re in.

Really I think being in your situation is harder than people will realise - being away a lot is disruptive in more ways than I had predicted. I made the decision to come back earlier than I might have done and gave up the big bucks for a feeling of being settled, however as I said that has been challenging in its own way.

Don’t stay for a few years - get a useful sum of money and think about how best to use it. I think if you feel isolated now you shouldn’t put yourself through years of boredom just out of obligation. It’s not going to be good For your mental health to do that. Obv if you start enjoying it that’s different.

Sorry that’s so long!

Apart from the tiredness and long hours, do you enjoy the job? Are the kids pleasant? Do you get on with the other nannies? Do the parents treat you ok? That would be the killer for me.

Seriously OP I backpacked and had shitty jobs in my 20's - it wasn't even that fun and I ended up with no savings AND no career!

Chef to prepare meals

It could be lonely to commit yourself to no partner for another four years. And not necessarily easy to find one when you are back looking. You wouldnt want to rush into marriage (because 30) and then lose half of those savings in a divorce...

This is one of my big worries. I do want to settle down, and I worry about making poor choices with less time.

Are you Irish? No, English

Do you have some time to study online? Most of my "free" time is spent managing the small UK business. I did a lot of OU study in my early twenties and it made me very anxious, but I should crack on as I only have 120 credits until a degree.

Do you have any free time? Yes and no. I have to be in the house, which is getting claustrophobic, but there is time to myself, i should use it better really.

you seem ambivalent about being a nanny long term Ambivalent is the perfect way to describe it. I feel like I'm good at my job and I vaguely enjoy it but my experience of it has left me feeling that its all or nothing, and not compatible with having a family.

If were you I’d look for a similar employer in the uk My salary would go down by at least 60% but then thats the balance isn't it!

It could be lonely to commit yourself to no partner for another four years. And not necessarily easy to find one when you are back looking. You wouldnt want to rush into marriage (because 30) and then lose half of those savings in a divorce...

This is one of my big worries. I do want to settle down, and I worry about making poor choices with less time.

Are you Irish? No, English

Do you have some time to study online? Most of my "free" time is spent managing the small UK business. I did a lot of OU study in my early twenties and it made me very anxious, but I should crack on as I only have 120 credits until a degree.

Do you have any free time? Yes and no. I have to be in the house, which is getting claustrophobic, but there is time to myself, i should use it better really.

you seem ambivalent about being a nanny long term Ambivalent is the perfect way to describe it. I feel like I'm good at my job and I vaguely enjoy it but my experience of it has left me feeling that its all or nothing, and not compatible with having a family.

If were you I’d look for a similar employer in the uk My salary would go down by at least 60% but then thats the balance isn't it!

Your boyfriend stole your money and your mum had debts. You really need a decent financial advisor. Or better still, study yourself.

I would recommend Rich Dad, Poor Dad as a starting point. It’s an easy read, not a heavy financial book.