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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sacrifice my 20s for money?

233 replies

CharliesSister · 23/05/2018 17:54

Name changed because this is outing, I've posted about my job before.

I'm 25. Fairly recently I got a job abroad as a Nanny. The money is very good, enough for me to put around £6k a month into savings. I'm very lucky.
However, the salary is high because my life has been sold (temporarily) to the family I work for. I work 7 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. I live in a country where socialising is near on impossible, and I don't have time anyway. I have one months leave a year which I use to see my family, I don't go on holidays.
The positive side of having no life is that I don't spend any money, so the vast majority goes into savings.

The plan is to stay working here until I'm 30 or go mad and use the money saved to buy a house outright, and therefore buy significant freedom and stability for my 30s onwards.

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties. I've been invited to several big parties back in the UK where all my friends will be (and I've not seen most of them for 6 months or more) and I know I can't go.
I'm tired all of the time, I'm insanely bored (there's nothing to do here) and no one around me speaks English so I'm isolated too.

Am I silly to stay? My friends and family are jealous of the opportunity I've been given so I feel incredibly guilty to not be loving it but someone today said that I was wasting my youth, and money isn't everything.

(Note: whilst I don't actively enjoy it, I don't hate it either and feel I can stick it out for a few years)

OP posts:
senua · 23/05/2018 19:56

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties.

I haven'r rtft so sorry if I am repeating.
You do know that people post edited highlights of their lives? It's not as wonderful as they'd have you believe.

My two-penn'orth. Stick to your job for now, but promise to yourself to review every six months.

Mrs9C · 23/05/2018 19:57

The staff 'basement' has a cinema, it doesn't sound soooo bad. Not like a dark dingy trap door under the floor Grin The discrepancy in wages is a terrible thing, and not at all your fault, you're pretty helpless when it comes to that.

sleep5 · 23/05/2018 19:59

Sounds like you're on a great deal. But stop paying other people's debts and start saving. Set yourself a goal of 1-2 years then reassess after that. After that time you may find uk house prices have dropped anyway.

Xenia · 23/05/2018 19:59

Keep on with the career and in fact try to branch out into something for after that eg concierge business on the back of it. I worked full time right through my 20s from age 21 without a break of any kind (only taking 2 weeks to have each baby in) and it paid big time. It is really sensible to spend your 20s saving money and building a career. Far too many women don't.

ToffeeUp · 23/05/2018 20:00

I am with bringbacksideburns. It sounds miserable and restricted and I couldn't work in such unequal circumstances.

There is more to life than money.

Original poster
CharliesSister · 23/05/2018 20:00

Mrs9C The cinema is in a section completely seperate from staff quarters, they can't use it, but I've been down there and the staff quarters seem nice enough to me. And the family (I think) pay for them to send things back home to their family regularly, and these are HUGE big boxes of stuff they've bough (think refrigerator boxes) so it can't be cheap to send them home. The chefs cook their meals too and all their living expenses (including toiletries etc) are paid for. My understanding is that they are treated very well, especially compared to the average nanny/maid/butler jobs here.

OP posts:
ArtBrut · 23/05/2018 20:02

Obviously I don’t know the OP, but I remember her previous post, and everything she says about differential salaries on the grounds of nationality, and her employment and living conditions compared to the Filipina ‘under-nannies’, matches entirely with my experience of living in the vicinity of wealthy/ royal ME families. There’s a horrifyingly real ethnic hierarchy.

Original poster
CharliesSister · 23/05/2018 20:02

Oh and for the poster who said she recognises my writing? If you recall a few years ago the thread with the Nanny who was trapped in a haunted mansion with "the blood man" on top of a mountain Colorado? That was me!

OP posts:
Marchinta · 23/05/2018 20:02

I see the point about the discrepancy in salary (from poorish immigrant background myself) but I don’t think this should be a factor in your decision OP. Put yourself first here.

I know “nice” women who are British, 60 and working 40 hours stacking shelves with back/wrist pains and getting bullied by 22 year old managers to make ends meet.

I wonder if all the “friends” telling them not to put money first when they were younger (because Nice Women don’t do that) ever offer to bail them out?

CaveMaman · 23/05/2018 20:05

I think you sound like you have your head screwed on right! Saving as much as possible for as long as you can stick it out will be a great foundation for whatever you choose to do afterwards.

I wasted my 20s on a bad man (abusive in every sense, including financial - so approaching my 40s with very little in the way of savings). So whilst I think its important for you to have fun and enjoy your youth while you have it "trading" it for money is MUCH better than trading it for a bad man. At least you'll have something to show for it!

butidontwannausemyhead · 23/05/2018 20:05

I'd do it as long as possible to get yourself a decent house deposit, though that figure would depend if you're going to live in London or up North I guess!

helacells · 23/05/2018 20:11

Stay as long as you can, money does buy happiness I don't care what anyone says.

senua · 23/05/2018 20:11

If you recall a few years ago the thread with the Nanny who was trapped in a haunted mansion with "the blood man" on top of a mountain Colorado?

I remember that thread!

eurochick · 23/05/2018 20:12

I think a midway is right - do it for a year or two to save a decent amount and then come home. Four years of what you describe sounds pretty soul destroying.

You say you want to settle down, ime a lot of people meet their life partners in their 20s. That's not to say 30 is late but it's something to think about.

Original poster
CharliesSister · 23/05/2018 20:12

senua didnt get murdered in the end! woohoo!

OP posts:
LionAllMessy · 23/05/2018 20:14

This job sounds awesome, I don't see why you wouldn't do it, tbh.

If you want to quit, put a word in for me with your employers?

LyricalGangster · 23/05/2018 20:15

I was mortgage free by my early 30s. It is a really fortunate position to be in - I chose to go to pt work when dc1 was born and became a sahm after dc2. I don't need to work financially at that is incredibly liberating. Save as much as you can and you'll be able to buy somewhere in 1-3 years (depending where you live in the uk).

I also imagine that if you are a nanny jobs become harder to find once you have start your own family so having a financial cushion will be a great thing.

BritInUS1 · 23/05/2018 20:21

helacells - Stay as long as you can, money does buy happiness I don't care what anyone says.

I'm going to assume with a comment like that you don't have money.

My opinion is that while money can definitely make life easier, it doesn't necessarily buy you happiness !

espoleta · 23/05/2018 20:22

Life's too short go travelling.

Life experience is invaluable.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 23/05/2018 20:25

Deffo do it OP. There is more to life that parties, and you said yourself you aren't really into all that. I'd take financial security any day over partying. You can do it for 2 years and have a very decent deposit and still only be 28.

I've read the Princess books (Jean Sasson) and just from them alone I can well believe what the OP is saying.

OP, was the footprints in the snow you?

SoapOnARoap · 23/05/2018 20:28

Save as much as you can tax efficiently. I sacrificed holidays in my 20’s for work & have never looked back

budinbloom · 23/05/2018 20:30

Well, if you're having qualms now and you've only just started, I wouldn't be setting myself a 4/5 yr target. I would try to stick it out for a year as a minimum and see how it goes after that. If you can, I would aim for 2 or possibly 3 years.

You'll very unlikely to earn this sort of salary again so make the most of it, even if it is just for a year or two.

Due to more onerous UK tax, £128K gross in the UK nets you

ButchyRestingFace · 23/05/2018 20:30

I recognised you as well, OP.
Except the last time you were much more reticent about revealing what it is you do.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 23/05/2018 20:31

I partied in my early 20s, but from age 25_35 it was a lot about saving saving saving (living abroad and having rent paid, meant 3k saved each month)

10 years later I am still benefitting from that, with DH.

However, we did it together. It is a shame to have no social life or chance of romance at all. Is there no compromise?

GardenGeek · 23/05/2018 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.