to sacrifice my 20s for money?

[CharliesSister]

Name changed because this is outing, I've posted about my job before.

I'm 25. Fairly recently I got a job abroad as a Nanny. The money is very good, enough for me to put around £6k a month into savings. I'm very lucky.
However, the salary is high because my life has been sold (temporarily) to the family I work for. I work 7 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. I live in a country where socialising is near on impossible, and I don't have time anyway. I have one months leave a year which I use to see my family, I don't go on holidays.
The positive side of having no life is that I don't spend any money, so the vast majority goes into savings.

The plan is to stay working here until I'm 30 or go mad and use the money saved to buy a house outright, and therefore buy significant freedom and stability for my 30s onwards.

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties. I've been invited to several big parties back in the UK where all my friends will be (and I've not seen most of them for 6 months or more) and I know I can't go.
I'm tired all of the time, I'm insanely bored (there's nothing to do here) and no one around me speaks English so I'm isolated too.

Am I silly to stay? My friends and family are jealous of the opportunity I've been given so I feel incredibly guilty to not be loving it but someone today said that I was wasting my youth, and money isn't everything.

(Note: whilst I don't actively enjoy it, I don't hate it either and feel I can stick it out for a few years)

OP, l think you have been given a great chance to save this money for your future, if there are 4 nannies for 3 children surely you all socialise together, cuppas,music, chin wags,make up and clothes meets, internet social groups skype, etc etc.
Thing is the future here isn't that bright for youngsters , by the time you are needing your pension, will there even be an oap then? Keep going, try to make the most of your time there .Good luck!

I think you should do it. 4 years is not long. If you become unhappy at some point then review the situation. If you can make enough to buy your own house outright by 30, then that is security for the rest of your life. Are there any tax implications here with remitting your earnings back to the UK? Check out your tax status before doing this.

OP, was the footprints in the snow you? that was my thread but I still haven't a clue where the footprints came from. We went back in the summer and it was a lot less scary.

If you recall a few years ago the thread with the Nanny who was trapped in a haunted mansion with "the blood man" on top of a mountain Colorado?

No, unfortunately I don't, do you have a link perchance? Sounds fascinating

FWIW it sounds like you're into a good wicket there op, I'd stick with it as long as you can.

you think you'll be young forever, but time goes so fast.
^this

There is more to life than money
^this

It is really sensible to spend your 20s saving money and building a career. Far too many women don't.
but many do and end up having trouble finding a partner and under pressure to conceive or with fertility problems in their 30s/40s

i am repeating myself but 4 years doing what you are doing sounds like hell. I've made about 100k just by buying a house 5 years go and living in it. Savings are good but not everything.

I was going to,ask if you ever found out who made the prints! So odd that was.

, if there are 4 nannies for 3 children surely you all socialise together, cuppas,music, chin wags,make up and clothes meets, internet social groups skype, etc etc. not really. There is a very large language barrier among other things that is difficult to surpass and they're not really supposed to be upstairs after the kids have gone to bed so there's that too. Plus they don't have a day off so no time to socialise either. Though we have talked about me visiting them in the Philippines when they go home.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1952232-to-think-were-all-going-to-be-mudered

@halfwitpicker here you go enjoy. Spoiler alert, I didn't die.

You think the family are kind when they don't give their Philippina nannies any days off, make them sleep in dorms and tell you they aren't trustworthy?? Yes, they sound like a lovely family!

You think the family are kind when they don't give their Philippina nannies any days off, make them sleep in dorms and tell you they aren't trustworthy?? Yes, they sound like a lovely family!

The PA told me they aren't trustworthy, the family have never said anything negative.
They pay them the average wage for their roles in this country and their accommodation is standard (if not higher).
Would I change it if I could? Absolutely, but I can't and the standards here are much higher than the rest of the country.
It's a really difficult one

Couple more months op, then give me a shout and I’ll come and take over (UK Nanny with no money and an itchy foot!!)

Go for it OP. I partied my way round my 20s with nothing to show for it. No money and no career. Do it as long as you can. Once your back home you'll have an amazing deposit or purchase outright. 30 is plenty of time to find a partner and have babies.

I understand about the other nannies' conditions compared to yours. My dsis works in a middle eastern country and they're even allowed to openly advertise jobs at different rates for different races! Actually, what the OP's family are doing does sound like a lot better than average: a lot of Asian domestic staff have their passports confiscated, work very very very long days, sleep in shifts because they have to share a bed etc. And she's right that the Filipina nannies will be earning significantly higher than they would at home and will be sending home huge balikbayan boxes to their families.

Personally, I wouldn't like to live in a country like that, and even visiting my dsis and seeing the subservient attitudes makes me uncomfortable, but it's hard to see what the OP could do about it. The whole country is like that, not just this family.

Re suddenly having your shit together; You never feel magically different. You always feel like you and you just carry on trying to tick the big things off and make a life. For a lot of thirty year olds now, the endless struggle to pull even a minimum deposit together is still a work in progress knot their thirties and it causes a lot of stress and expense (rent, moving around).

So balance things.

I'd aim to do it for 1-2 years. Balancing two thoughts-

You can't leave your life for five years then step back in unchanged. Living and working in this environment is going to affect you. Not having regular contact with your friends, not having a relationship, being encouraged to distance yourself from your colleagues, is going to have an affect on you. You don't want to come back to the UK in five years and have difficulty forming friendships and relationships, and then be lonely, or get into rubbish relationships. I'd also imagine that you'll be exposed to some misogynistic and racist attitudes whilst there, and I think if you are exposed to them day in day out for years eventually it will affect your own judgements.

But having some money behind you is a great thing. It will give you options. You will be able to afford to not work for a period, to spend time retraining, to choose your jobs selectively. That's a really positive thing in an age where many people live month-to-month. I wouldn't focus on trying to save enough to 'buy a house outright', housing is v expensive at the moment and I presume you don't want to retire at 30, and you might not want to settle down in one area straight away when you move back to the UK. Save up a good chunk so that you have some options when you come back to the UK, and keep some in reserve if you do want a house deposit or savings for something else in the future.

Personally I'd aim to do 1-2 years whilst researching what careers I might want to do in future, spending a chunk of my free time keeping in touch with my friends online and really trying to build some friendships in the country. Are you allowed away from the house or to have friends working in other houses over? Is there anybody working in your house with good enough English that you could strike up a decent friendship? Can you meet up with other Nannies and their children from different families?

With the opportunity to save this huge amount of money, I would suggest staying as long as possible. Even on a good wage it could take you a year or more to save 6k if you lived some where else. I know some people who enjoyed a party lifestyle when younger, now they are much older they don't have much and they have less energy to work the extra hours to save. Some people struggle to get on the property ladder due to needing deposit and fees. You can enjoy holidays and other things. It's worth the wait and sacrifice

My only concern, apart from your mental health, would be your personal life. Make sure you leave yourself enough time to date and try and find your significant other and have babies (if you want a family). Normally people are building that foundation in their twenties and once you hit thirty it can end up becoming a mad scramble to settle down.

I'd earn what I could for a couple of years then reassess. Ignore comments that life will still be there for you in your 30s and 40s. It may well be the case, but there are no guarantees - nobody knows what life has in store for them.

Thanks muchly

Morning OP
I broke up with my long term boyfriend at 31 so thought I had my (relationship) shit together and didn't! So no guarantees on that front (I did have a happy ever after though )
I agree with PPs who said to give yourself permission to leave if it gets too much.
Finances-wise, I'm an accountant (and obsessed with personal finance). My favourite blog is Mr Money Mustache, a brilliant blogger in Colorado who managed to retire at 31 by saving way more than half of his salary. Would recommend having a read; he doesn't post much these days but the concepts are brilliant. Basic premise is that he was able to retire before he had children so bought his freedom.
wonders if Saudi family needs accountant 🤔

Hmm, living in a mansion and being flown around Europe on a private jet... Even if working, I don't know what that is if its not a 'life experience'.

And it sounds a darn sight more interesting than most of the life experiences I had in my twenties... Which were mostly sat in a pub bewailing the difficulty of getting on the property ladder (OK, the two may have been linked)....

You are having life experiences OP. When you get to seventy odd, I reckon you'll have many more interesting memories and stories about your time as an uber rich nanny than someone who spent their twenties in a more conventional manner.

Having said that, I'm sure four years being isolated would send me up the wall.

It also sounds like you have decent earning potential at home. In your shoes I would probably try and stick it out for a year or two which should be enough to save up a hefty deposit and have a small mortgage.

Unless you intend to settle in London, then I'd maybe do an extra year.

Are there things you can do to make the job less isolating? Could you negotiate more time away from the house - any ex pat communities?

Ultimately nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health for, of course, but for a short term it does seem sensible if that's not an issue.

What is it you feel you are sacrificing the most? It might help to list out the pros and cons.

Sacrifice 4 years of my life to ensure financial security for the rest of it?

Definitely.

Save a portion of it into a separate pot though so you can do other things/travel/visit friends.

Charlie I think you have a flair for a story. I realise you don't get much free time but if I were you I’d start writing down these experiences. Diary of a Royal Nanny has a nice ring to it.... you could be the next big thing!

I once did a well-paid job, which, though not very far away geographically, left me very isolated and depressed, so I left after 6 months.
If you can keep going without going mad I would stick it out, save the cash and then come home. If you're not massively into parties etc. (and like your own company) then you're not really missing anything. Keep in touch by messaging your friends back home - you can keep a surprisingly close relationship with someone this way. (I am still v close to my America mate, for example, via whatsapp!)

Financial security is a blessing

Op balance you have this amazing opportunity and yes it sounds like your collecting amazing material for a story one day on all kinds of things.

I agree with people saying set smaller goals - than 4 years. I am not great at maths but how much do you need for a house?

I think set smaller goals, and make sure a portion is going into savings with the view to be spent on fun things...