to sacrifice my 20s for money?

[CharliesSister]

Name changed because this is outing, I've posted about my job before.

I'm 25. Fairly recently I got a job abroad as a Nanny. The money is very good, enough for me to put around £6k a month into savings. I'm very lucky.
However, the salary is high because my life has been sold (temporarily) to the family I work for. I work 7 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. I live in a country where socialising is near on impossible, and I don't have time anyway. I have one months leave a year which I use to see my family, I don't go on holidays.
The positive side of having no life is that I don't spend any money, so the vast majority goes into savings.

The plan is to stay working here until I'm 30 or go mad and use the money saved to buy a house outright, and therefore buy significant freedom and stability for my 30s onwards.

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties. I've been invited to several big parties back in the UK where all my friends will be (and I've not seen most of them for 6 months or more) and I know I can't go.
I'm tired all of the time, I'm insanely bored (there's nothing to do here) and no one around me speaks English so I'm isolated too.

Am I silly to stay? My friends and family are jealous of the opportunity I've been given so I feel incredibly guilty to not be loving it but someone today said that I was wasting my youth, and money isn't everything.

(Note: whilst I don't actively enjoy it, I don't hate it either and feel I can stick it out for a few years)

Honestly, I’d do it for two years, save every penny I could then come and buy a flat. By 30 I was married and still didn’t have kids til I was 34 so if you want to get married and have kids of your own I personally wouldn’t live a life with no socialising until I was 30. Of course if you’re not fussed about having kids (I imagine being a nanny can be a great contraceptive!) then do it another year or two and come home and buy a house outright.

Tbh I think i’d change my answer after taking in that inf. if I could earn £20K a year I would consider my life a success and a huge burden off my mind. I earn about half that and scrape by alright. So if you think you can get a £50k a year job at home you’d be happy with and your unhappy where you are...hell, stick with it a few months/as long as you can stand and go home.if you can truthfully tell yourself you have considered all angles and are making the best decision you can given your choices, you logically can’t regret it.

Are the other nannies from the same country you are working in? Are they ok?

They are from the Philipines. They are all qualified nurses!! I'm doing my best to help them find jobs in the UK when their contracts finish here as their standard of living will be a lot better. I've done a lot of visa research etc and helping them prep for interviews. They're lovely ladies, they have chosen to work here knowing the salary so its not like they're trapped but the inequality makes me very very uncomfortable.

That is a fantastic amount of money to be able to save very month and well done for doing it however money isn't everything and I don't know if I could do what you are doing although it will give you a great deal of freedom when you do buy a house.
Could you maybe not use what you have to put a good amount of a deposit on a house and take a short term mortgage? Then you could possibly go home sooner?

I'm on £128,000 equivalent and the other three are £5,200 per year sad (they aren't British)

Fuck me

'the inequality makes me very very uncomfortable'

Would do me too OP (but you gotta do what you gotta do)

I'm one of 4 nannies for 3 children.... let's not get started on that!

What makes you so different, op? Are you a Norland Nanny??

I initially read that as £52,000 a year. £5,200 is a disgrace. I’m glad you are helping them try and get jobs in the UK. God knows the nhs needs nurses.
To put it in perspective, your colleagues are probably supporting family, even their own children on 5% of what you earn.

Well 6k a month is £72,000 a year almost £150,000 in 2 years. I stick with it a while, money isn't everything and we do only come this way once.

As someone approaching their 50's, you think you'll be young forever, but time goes so fast. I suggest a compromise, continue for a couple of years then have some young fun.

Good luck op.

You’ve posted this before, haven’t you?

We did something similar (in possibly same place). We did it older, with kids, but even as a unit it nearly broke my husband and our marriage...the tedium of weekends, the being away from family and ‘real’ friends. But...we are back now, mortgage free and a decent amount of savings in a great forever home, so are pleased we did manage to stick it for three and a bit years, not only because it helped make us financially secure, but because we totally appreciate everything this country is rich in 100 percent more! I don’t get how people can ‘sell their souls’ for the long term - you must be pretty superficial to be able to suffer it for more than a few years cos life really is too short, but it is worth doing if you can for a bit.

@Pansy0926 thank you, i hear what you're saying and you make excelleng points.

But (if you're still reading, this is my point) I am really really glad I took the job and gave it my best shot. Because if I hadn't tried it then every time I had a bad day I would be thinking "if only I'd taken the job I could be mortgage free or even retired now". THIS very much is on my mind. I know if I left, I'd kick myself.

@PinguDance Highly likely I'm the same poster I do love a MN whinge clearly. I blame extreme lack of RL social contact.

do you enjoy the job? Are the kids pleasant? Do you get on with the other nannies? Do the parents treat you ok? I mildly enjoy the job. The kids are great all things considered, I've worked with far far worse and I'm allowed to be firm with them, which trust me is rare in high profile jobs. I love them more and more everyday. The other nannies are great, one is a bit difficult but her contract ends soon anyway, but I'm separated from them in many ways; for a start they all live in a dorm in the basement and I'm in my little ivory tower suite upstairs in the main house. The PA who employed me (another long story) tried to discourage me from being friendly with them as "you can't trust Their Sort" so there's a racism attitude to get over too. The family treat me well, though they are (quite rightly) very very demanding.

Yes. I'm almost certain op is the uneducated 16 year old plucked from obscurity to travel the world as governess to some billionaire's offspring.
As they do.

Oh and the cultural inequality was another aspect that did make it difficult to bear and moved my husband (who experienced it more acutely than me) to tears on occasion.

Ah, come on. You live in the main house and the others are confined to the basement??

Personally I would only want to do that until 28 then return home. You are giving up a lot and you are sacrificing your youth albeit for a good plan.

@CurlyWurlyTwirly Absolutely, I'm very careful with money now and am starting to invest in various things now that I'm "making a profit" so to speak.

I imagine being a nanny can be a great contraceptive! No comment!

What makes you so different, op? Are you a Norland Nanny?? Different from who @Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar, the other nannies? That is purely the fact that I'm British. Disgusting, isn't it? I'm not Norland, I have no qualifications and my highest level of study is A-Levels until/if I complete my OU degree. I fit the "nanny profile" however.

@Sprinklesinmyelbow Yes, I've posted very similar.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar I'm getting the impression you think I'm making it up? I'm honestly not. The staff all live on the basement level, there is a communal sitting area and three large bedrooms which are shared between 12.
I've (obviously) never seen the male staff quarters but I imagine its the same. Here, I'll take a photo of the phone list for the main house phone so you can see.

I can't be the only person reading this who would bite someone's arm off just to do the job for 6 months, so I can have a deposit to get on the property ladder?

It’s not that unusual for many if not all of my colleagues to have at least 1 nanny and a housekeeper from the PH. I’m guessing you’re in Asia Pacific OP or somewhere similar OP.

It’s not the OP’s job to resolve the inequalities of the world. She’s clearly sympathetic and trying to help her colleagues. That’s a really nice job there OP.

My DM would say make the money while you can.

The huge discrepancies between your salary and the others wouldn't sit easily with me at all. But then the whole country and it's culture and the way they treat women who aren't rich is pretty shocking.

I know what Is do but I seem to be in the minority.

Here you go. I even took the photo out the window so you can see the palm trees and skyline, in case you thought I was insane enough to fake a phone list.

Do it for a year or two max. That will allow you to get a very good deposit down on a house/buy one outright depending on the area you live in.

I really think that the relationships that you have and the experiences with friends when you are young shape your future.
I had holidays with my friends, got my degree, met the love of my life and married and had dc in my 20s.
I don’t regret a thing.
Whilst I wouldn’t turn down a year or two of making really good money that could set me up for life, I wouldn’t sacrifice all of those experiences for years through out my 20s just for money in the bank.

The huge discrepancies between your salary and the others wouldn't sit easily with me at all. But then the whole country and it's culture and the way they treat women who aren't rich is pretty shocking. I hate it and I hate myself for not leaving on principle. My best friend said she would leave and make a huge point of why she was doing so.
But the nannys are being paid the standard for the country and the family are very kind and decent.
I feel awful, but me leaving my job isn't going to help them, I buy them nice things from the UK to give them when I go away and I'm trying to help them where I can

One of my friends was in a similar situation - high pay as a nanny, no real chance of developing a relationship. She decided that rather than work as a nanny forever she’d save up & then train to be an early years teacher. She didn’t have maths or English GCSE so had to do those on the way. She now has a life overseas in a country of her own choosing and is the head of a pre-prep - she made the most of opportunity to save money and planned her future. What else would you like to do?