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Original poster

To assume I've been ghosted?

610 replies

ghosting · 22/05/2018 13:57

Met a guy on OLD about a month ago, seemed lovely, all was going well and we were texting a lot and met a couple of times for coffee.

We spent the night together last night, and today...nothing.

He hasn't replied to a message I sent about 4 hours ago, although he has read it.

Is there any rational explanation, or have I been ghosted?

OP posts:
Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 22:01

I won’t text him again. I can see that he has read my text, so he has just chosen not to respond.

I feel really stupid that I could have been taken in by him. He seemed really nice!

OP posts:
UpperWallop · 22/05/2018 22:06

That's the spirit ghost! Don't feel stupid either. Don't expand energy on negative thoughts cos of a deadbeat bloke who hasn't even got the common courtesy to be polite. Wrestle back control of your feelings and simply consign him to the fuck it bucket!

TheMonkeyMummy · 22/05/2018 22:07

Do not message him again.

I'm sorry he is treating you this way. X

Ryder63 · 22/05/2018 22:11

I feel really stupid that I could have been taken in by him. He seemed really nice!

You are NOT stupid - he is just an ignorant twunt. Onwards and upwards, OP! Grin

Gemini69 · 22/05/2018 22:15

take control back.. block and delete lovely Flowers

RochelleGoyle · 22/05/2018 22:20

God, he's an arse OP. Not worth your time. [

byanyothernamerose · 22/05/2018 22:26

Onwards and upwards OP!! What a dick!!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 22/05/2018 22:28

So you were in touch with him (via text) for a month. But had only actually met up in person twice - for coffee - before shagging?

This is the worst bit about modern dating, IMO. The texting makes you feel like you're in a new relationship. You feel like you're connecting. Like you're dating.

But in reality, messages take zero effort. And you (in reality) just boffed a virtual stranger after two cups of coffee.

There's nothing wrong with that per se... but he will expect you to be cool with not hearing from him again, because you went into it all so casually.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 22:32

Whatsgoingon that’s a really interesting way of looking at it, I hadn’t thought about it like that before. Yes, we were texting a lot, and he seemed really keen, so perhaps I was falsely believing he was wanting more than he was. Which pretty clearly was just sex. Sigh.

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/05/2018 22:34

Classic behaviour from men on OLD. Don't dwell on it too much as it says more about him than you.

Rozzzzzalmost35 · 22/05/2018 22:35

Aw sorry to hear this happened.
If he does reply with some rubbish excuse just ignore him. Hope you enjoyed your night anyway xx

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 22:35

Classic behaviour from men on OLD

In that case, I don’t think OLD is for me!

OP posts:
Beaverhausen · 22/05/2018 22:39

The sooner people start to realise that 80% of men on OLD sites are only after a shag and will say and do whatever it takes to get that notch on their bed post.

Sorry OP you were not a bad shag more than likely just another notch, lesson learnt move on to the next potential.

sockunicorn · 22/05/2018 22:50

sorry can someone help me out, what is OLD? I just about got my head round POF, and im old as fuck, so im struggling. When I google "OLD dating" it comes up with sites to meet older men Hmm

Popc0rn · 22/05/2018 22:51

I'm probably gonna get shot down for this, but if you're looking for a relationship rather than casual sex via online dating, then hold off the sex for a while. Hopefully will help weed out any of the kn*bs that are just after a shag.

And yes I know it's 2018 and women can have sex on the first/second/third date if they want to, but in the context of online dating I think holding off the sexual side of things for a bit helps figure out what their real motives are.

He sounds like a massive prick anyway OP, lucky escape and on to the next one. Don't give up with the online dating, there are some decent ones!

goldiehawn1 · 22/05/2018 22:57

What a horrid experience for you. I just can't understand why men would behave like that. They obviously know it's quite wrong 🤷‍♀️

I think If that happened to me I would be tempted to do what some poster suggested earlier and that was.......Leave it a couple of weeks the txt 'hey not sure you remember me but I thought I'd get in touch to say you need to make an appointment at the STD clinic' then ignore any further contact.-

The perils of OLD ☹️

Tiredtomybones · 22/05/2018 23:07
Flowers
RedForFilth · 22/05/2018 23:09

sockunicorn OnLine Dating

WhatsGoingOnEh · 22/05/2018 23:10

@sockunicorn OLD = OnLine Dating.

Littlelambpeep · 22/05/2018 23:16

Once they get it. ..they often disappear

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/05/2018 23:18

To be fair to OLD, I did meet my husband on there but I was about to give up as thought it was hopeless.

RedForFilth · 22/05/2018 23:21

Don't thank men for last night OP !!! They should be thanking you No one should thank anyone for sex! Thanks for a lovely evening might be ok. But thanks fir last night sounds a bit desperate for want of a better word. Like he was doing you a favour.

If the sex was good look at it like you had a decent shag. If it was bad then he's done you a fsvour not contacting you. Life's too short for shit sex.

GeordieGirl233 · 22/05/2018 23:22

Well what a trooper he is, can't even be honest and give the whole "I'm not looking for anything serious" bollocks that nobody wants to hear anyway.

His gutless lack of response shows cruelty, cowardice and immaturity OP. Fuck him.

Sommelierrrr · 22/05/2018 23:24

So sorry op.

All may not be lost, read about male intimacy cycles, i've found that are helpful.

If he has cut and run, hes just horrible. And in which case, no loss. Wanker.

RedForFilth · 22/05/2018 23:26

Also OP, its most likely nothing to do with you. Loads of men/women are just pigs. Some like the chase and the sense of "accomplishment" at having landed a shag!