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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume I've been ghosted?

610 replies

ghosting · 22/05/2018 13:57

Met a guy on OLD about a month ago, seemed lovely, all was going well and we were texting a lot and met a couple of times for coffee.

We spent the night together last night, and today...nothing.

He hasn't replied to a message I sent about 4 hours ago, although he has read it.

Is there any rational explanation, or have I been ghosted?

OP posts:
Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 22/05/2018 20:38

NEXT!!!! It a numbers game.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 22/05/2018 20:55

I think it's more likely he's cheating and feels guilty than you being a crap shag.

Stinkywink · 22/05/2018 21:00

Ghosted I think.

Locotion · 22/05/2018 21:07

What a dick.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 21:07

Jeez how do you ever manage to trust anyone?!

On the positive side, it had been 7 months since I last dtd so at least I had fun!

OP posts:
LittleMe03 · 22/05/2018 21:11

@ghosting have you still not heard anything from him? Have you attempted any contact with him since your PP?

LittleMe03 · 22/05/2018 21:15

Possible not a popular response but I would be texting him again something along the lines of..

Hey, all ok? x

If still no response then I would have the attitude that 'no response is a response' Sad

SleepFreeZone · 22/05/2018 21:19

It certainly does happen a lot after sex and I honestly don’t know why. I don’t think it’s about being a crap shag. It’s about them enjoying the lead up to sex and then once they’ve achieved their objective they move into the next one.

It’s a weird thing and indicative of a certain type of man. I’m going to take a stab in the dark that he isn’t a man who has had long term relationships? In my experience the men that didn’t do this were the men who had previously been in long term relationships with their significant ex.

Yellowmoggy · 22/05/2018 21:20

Chalk it up to experience OP. On to the next. You’ll meet a good ‘un x

HarryLovesDraco · 22/05/2018 21:23

Veteran OLDer here
If you have what feels like a lovely date, a snog or a shag, then if they are feeling it they will message or reply quickly.
If you have what you felt was a lovely date and they read your message but don't reply, or don't read it at all, then they weren't feeling it and won't reply.
Your instinct was almost certainly right. It's sad but you have to get on with things.

raidthefridge · 22/05/2018 21:23

What a twat. How horrible for you, OP. X

HarryLovesDraco · 22/05/2018 21:24

Of course some men do, it's that not rare to read a text and then be distracted by other things for a while before later replying? Not everyone is glued to their phones 24 hours a day hmm

In the context of online dating, going from immediate response to long delays, especially after sex, is 99.9% of the time a sign that it's not going anywhere. Normal rules don't apply.

Whattheactualfuckmate · 22/05/2018 21:26

Trust your gut feeling

cc5601 · 22/05/2018 21:30

that's rubbish, how mean of him.

NormskiNamechange · 22/05/2018 21:34

Move on OP. He sounds like a knob.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 21:34

I’m going to take a stab in the dark that he isn’t a man who has had long term relationships?

As far as I know he was once married but divorced 2 years ago. So he tells me...and now of course I have no idea if that is true or not.

Not heard anything :(

OP posts:
Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 21:36

Not sure how much of a thick skin I’m able to develop with OLD. Because not being honest or having to take everything they say with a pinch of salt just feels like lies.

Gah, maybe I’ll stick to being single!

OP posts:
WheelyCote · 22/05/2018 21:39

Dating sounds awful nowadays!! Or had it always been this way..

OP look at it from a different perspective. Is this acceptable in your book? doesn't sound like it is and if be the same.

So...as your not feeling these new vibes from him...cross him off.

A quick text through the day to say...hey how are u this morning? And a wink😉

Doesn't take two seconds. Your finding what works for you personally and what doesn't.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 21:41

Yes quite it really doesn’t take long to acknowledge a text. I hardly expected an essay.

Onwards and upwards.

OP posts:
Sametimetomorrow · 22/05/2018 21:42

That’s really awful. He’s not even bothering to be polite.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/05/2018 21:45

You have nothing to lose by texting

‘Ah the post shag ghosting . Nice . ‘

Then blocking him

By the way this shit happened looong before OLD !

helenvelyn · 22/05/2018 21:47

Ugh what an arse OP. I know you'll know you're much better than him, but appreciate that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Just keep thinking, you'll be feeling better about it by the weekend.

This time next year I bet you won't remember his name Smile

JudgeJudy79 · 22/05/2018 21:47

What an arse.

Leave it a couple of weeks the txt 'hey not sure you remember me but I thought I'd get in touch to say you need to make an appointment at the STD clinic' then ignore any further contact.

Mean but serves him right to think he may have nob rot 😉

RomeoBunny · 22/05/2018 21:49

It's the come down after the high of the excitement. Guys back away without realising it until the thrill of it ramps back up again. Text him again in 2 days if you don't hear anything, just saying 'hiya, how's tricks?' Or 'fancy a quickie' either end of the messaging scale as you see fit Grin

UpperWallop · 22/05/2018 21:59

Don't text him again in 2 days. Why on earth would you? If he wanted to meet up again, he'd text. It really is as black and white as that. No amount of 'nudge' texts will change that. Hold your head up high, fuck him off and move on.