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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume I've been ghosted?

610 replies

ghosting · 22/05/2018 13:57

Met a guy on OLD about a month ago, seemed lovely, all was going well and we were texting a lot and met a couple of times for coffee.

We spent the night together last night, and today...nothing.

He hasn't replied to a message I sent about 4 hours ago, although he has read it.

Is there any rational explanation, or have I been ghosted?

OP posts:
Caribou58 · 22/05/2018 14:39

Seems like a lot of work for one sexy meet up just to dump you

Maybe I'm just a terrible shag!?

I only realised comparatively recently that I almost certainly am crap in bed, so if that turns out to be the case, be assured that you're not alone!

A4710Rider · 22/05/2018 14:46

The way see it is thus, if you like someone enough to sleep with them and it's not brilliant, you talk to other person about how you can make it brilliant.

I know I do.

scampimom · 22/05/2018 14:49

Mayhap his sexual athletics of last night have left him too exhausted to text?

But srsly, put your phone down (in fact , turn the attention-seeking little blighter OFF), go out in the sunshine, have an ice lolly, anything you fancy. If he wants to get in touch he'll get in touch. If he doesn't, well, his loss.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 14:49

Well I really have no idea.

Sigh.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 14:50

I've put my phone in another room. I'll pop outside for a walk and try and chill the fuck out.

OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 22/05/2018 14:55

Well, I am of the seemingly old-fashioned school of thought that says that, if you have just had sex with someone for the first time, you respond PDQ when they contact you afterwards! If he's read the message he could have just responded with a quick smiley or something, even if he was terribly terribly busy. If you've just shagged someone, and you really like them, you don't leave them hanging (barring a dire emergency of course).

Then again, I am old in my 40s and have been married for a long time which means that text messaging didn't even exist when I was last dating, so maybe I just don't understand modern dating etiquette?!

OP, I'd feel the same way as you for sure. If he hasn't been in touch by tonight, I'd be distinctly unimpressed, given his previous fast response times!

Blobby10 · 22/05/2018 14:56

Maybe you were so amazing and awesome that he feels completely overwhelmed and not worthy of you!!!

Aprilmightbemynewname · 22/05/2018 14:59

Maybe he dropped his phone down the loo....

NClikecrazy · 22/05/2018 14:59

I'm with MrsSpenserGregson, otherwise he's a knobjockey

LittleMe03 · 22/05/2018 15:00

Just give him some more time and don't worry Smile he's not worth it if he was just after a shag!

PeanutButterSquash · 22/05/2018 15:01

I did this to a date once!
I'd read the message, but had to go to the loo and sort out my young ds but then I left my phone in the fridge and couldn't find it for six hours.
Probably no help but thought it'd make you laugh

AjasLipstick · 22/05/2018 15:04

I think all of the people saying you're being over sensitive are fooling themselves.

A man who is keen on a woman, does NOT wait 4 hours before texting back.

Popc0rn · 22/05/2018 15:09

"A man who is keen on a woman, does NOT wait 4 hours before texting back"

Of course some men do, it's that not rare to read a text and then be distracted by other things for a while before later replying? Not everyone is glued to their phones 24 hours a day Hmm

HollowTalk · 22/05/2018 15:09

He was answering quickly when he wanted a shag, and now he's had it he's taking his own sweet time...

Whatever you do, when he does reply, don't reply to him immediately. Wait a few hours yourself.

scampimom · 22/05/2018 15:10

Oh, I don't think you're being over-sensitive. It's just that you cannot influence what he thinks, feels or does, so please don't tie yourself up in knots wondering what's going on, bless yer cottons.

Easier said than done, I know.

Weepatchesoflove · 22/05/2018 15:10

I like Blobby’s comment, that’s it for sure. Although, if it was me, it would be more like Peanut’s phone loss as I am always losing the the bloody thing. Either way, I hope whatever you want to happen, happens.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 15:33

but then I left my phone in the fridge and couldn't find it for six hours

That's brilliant! If he doesn't have an excuse that good I'll be disappointed!

OP posts:
SickofPeterRabbit · 22/05/2018 15:37

This happens allllllllllllllllllll the time on OLD!

Sorry OP. Chances are he's busy. But it's also possible that has a partner and is now feeling guilty.

Not being cruel, just honest. Been there, done it. It's not nice. Can be upsetting but you need to be aware that it happens and look out for the signs in future x

Luisa27 · 22/05/2018 15:43

I’m withMrsSpenderGregson too!

If he does ghost you OP - you’ve had a lucky escape.
Onwards and upwards!

AjasLipstick · 22/05/2018 15:44

Popcorn well maybe....but in OP's case, he was all keen until she slept with him.

I think we can safely assume he's not that into her.

Honeyroar · 22/05/2018 16:18

Nobody is crap in bed. Don't let anyone tell you that ever. People may be different and like different things, fair enough, but being good in bed to someone only means you're on the same page, like the same things and have an attraction. Just because someone thinks you're bad in bed doesn't mean the next one you meet will think you're fantastic. And any bloke that actually opens his gob and tells you you're crap in bed is a total waste of space. As is someone that sleeps with you and ghosts you. OP give him a bit of time but if you don't hear from him by the end of end of the day he's pretty rude.

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 18:40

This happens allllllllllllllllllll the time on OLD!

Ugh, really? Bugger!

Still no word. I assume that’s that then.

OP posts:
Noqonterfi · 22/05/2018 18:43

Maybe you were crap and he doesn't know how to tell you?

Is it really necessary to be so unpleasant? Does that, somehow make you feel better in your own little world? Hmm

Original poster
ghosting · 22/05/2018 20:33

To be fair I did introduce the idea that I might just be a crap shag, it wasn’t just a random post by noqonterfi.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/05/2018 20:37

Yuk and yes
Sad
Happens all the time . And then you start to hate them . And then sometimes the fuckers text back but by then you are hurt and a major element of doubt has crept in

I think also after a nice night you kind of know when it’s going to turn into something

Onwards . NEXT

And if sex makes you feel vulnerable afterwards either don’t . Or do it with zero expectations ? It’s a battlefield