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AIBU?

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Original poster

To assume I've been ghosted?

610 replies

ghosting · 22/05/2018 13:57

Met a guy on OLD about a month ago, seemed lovely, all was going well and we were texting a lot and met a couple of times for coffee.

We spent the night together last night, and today...nothing.

He hasn't replied to a message I sent about 4 hours ago, although he has read it.

Is there any rational explanation, or have I been ghosted?

OP posts:
Original poster
ghosting · 03/06/2018 22:10

Gah. Just when I thought it was going ok...

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/06/2018 22:47

As we said ‘does he make you happy’

Flowers

He could be lovely but it’s abiut how you feel around him ?

Original poster
ghosting · 03/06/2018 23:02

I haven’t seen him since I posted the OP! So hard to say if he makes me happy.

The thought of what could be makes me happy, but that’s not reality.

I know I deserve better than someone who goes quiet on me like this.

OP posts:
LastNightsMakeUp · 03/06/2018 23:02

Op I met my OH through OLD and we have baby number 2 due in November.
My advise (FWIW) would be to treat OLD as a bit of fun, go on lots of dates, date people who wouldn't usually be your 'type', enjoy lots of meals out. The more dates you go on the less awkward it is, and the less importance you pin to a particular man.
The way I used to look at it was I've messaged this person for a couple of days, we get on enough to have a conversation, even if we don't fancy each other/hit it off and it goes no where I'll have a good evening tonight anyway. If you hit it off with someone then great! But keep your options open and keep a bit of yourself back. Your body is a temple and yes although us women have desires, we don't need a man to fore fill them!
It'll be great for your self confidence. Just enjoy it and ignore this man now - you are worth so much more x

Original poster
ghosting · 03/06/2018 23:05

LastNights I completely understand where you are coming from. My problem is that I barely have any spare time, and the spare time I do have I don’t want to waste on dates where I don’t actually really like the guy. I’d rather have a night in by myself than a date with someone I don’t really get on with. I’m a massive introvert so actually going out on a date really has to be worth it for me!

OP posts:
WallisFrizz · 03/06/2018 23:13

Experienced people told you from your original OP, if he was bothered, he would have made the effort. He hasn’t. Bin him off.

winchesterfan · 03/06/2018 23:16

I'm in exactly the same situation though we haven't slept together yet.
A guy i met and became friends with, realised I'd fallen for him so told him I liked him and he suggested a date. Been out a couple of times and seen each other at mutual friends events but whenever I text and ask him if he wants to get together I either get no reply or 'I don't know, got this, this and this on'
At the beginning though he would reply straight away, full of chat, morning messages every day.
I'm not even bothering now but I've got to see him in a few weeks and I know he'll be full of charm again...if he is I'm gonna have it out with him and find out what sort of game he's playing as I genuinely do like him but I'm not liking this side of him!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 03/06/2018 23:37

How long has it actually been? Maybe just another busy day? His work sounds very demanding given the hours you says he works.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/06/2018 00:14

He's probably seeing/married to someone else. Sorry, OP.

NoMudNoLotus · 04/06/2018 00:46

Hes playing you OP , please dump him.

Please ...you take the control and dump him , it will be so much better for your self esteem 💐

Heighwayqueen · 04/06/2018 03:20

Ummm maybe he is just really busy??
I don't understand what you are misinterpreting about that? You say he works 50+ hrs a week around the country, so travel is involved too.
That sounds busy to me.
My husband works ridiculous hours and can't always answer the phone. It's life.
I think you are letting your anxieties get in the way.
Just communicate your anxiety with him and hope for some honesty back.

Original poster
ghosting · 04/06/2018 05:04

How long has it actually been? Maybe just another busy day? His work sounds very demanding given the hours you says he works

Unread and unanswered texts from 5pm yesterday. He was on a day off.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghosting · 04/06/2018 05:11

Disappearing just totally sucks. Why can’t people just be honest?!

OP posts:
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/06/2018 06:10

Don’t suppose he could have gone out for after work drinks that turned into a big one? Straight home to bed after?

ShackUp · 04/06/2018 06:27

It sounds to me like he's married/has a girlfriend.

Even if he isn't married, he's a flake, so you need to give him the push OP.

Original poster
ghosting · 04/06/2018 06:30

Even if he went out for drinks after work on Saturday night (he was off on Sunday), surely he could have replied to texts sent at 5pm on Sunday. He had text earlier on Sunday.

Anyway, I’m done.

I can’t understand why anyone would make plans (for this week and over the summer) and then disappear. It makes no sense to me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghosting · 04/06/2018 06:31

Even if he isn't married, he's a flake, so you need to give him the push OP

Do I give him the push by sending him yet another text that he probably won’t read?! (Not meant to be shitty with you, I’m just pissed off)

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 04/06/2018 06:45

Don't let him think you are desperate. If he was interested he'd reply by now.

OLD needs to be treated as a bit of fun. Sometimes you have a good time but really you don't click beyond that.

I disagree with the view he's probably married, married people are more likely to get into affairs at work / hobbies than to go looking online - esp on sites you have to pay for.

OutofTyme · 04/06/2018 06:49

DM - there have been studies which show that quite a high percentage of people who use OD (especially men) are married.

OutofTyme · 04/06/2018 06:54

see here

Original poster
ghosting · 04/06/2018 06:55

I don’t think he is married. But he may well be seeing other people.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/06/2018 06:58

Do I give him the push by sending him yet another text that he probably won’t read?! (Not meant to be shitty with you, I’m just pissed off)

No ! But you could make a final decision and say OK . Since our night of sex I have been stressing for approximately 99 hours (!)
No sex and no relationship should male
Me feel this shitty . I no longer want this man

And then fade away . If he pushes it (unlikely) just tell him straight ‘ thismisnt working for me ‘

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 04/06/2018 07:06

I'd send a final text ending it. Read his reply, then block. Don't be tempted to keep texting after that even if he starts back tracking. It's all a game to him.

OutofTyme · 04/06/2018 07:09

His behaviour is not going to get any better - I really would block and delete.

Original poster
ghosting · 04/06/2018 07:18

And now he has sent a message this morning as if everything is fine. Ffs. I’m going to have it out with him. Later.

OP posts:
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