To assume I've been ghosted?

[ghosting]

Met a guy on OLD about a month ago, seemed lovely, all was going well and we were texting a lot and met a couple of times for coffee.

We spent the night together last night, and today...nothing.

He hasn't replied to a message I sent about 4 hours ago, although he has read it.

Is there any rational explanation, or have I been ghosted?

Men always want what they think they can’t have. Be aloof. He hasn’t exactly been fair to him. Then when you’re feeling a bit better you can make an active choice as to whether you want to carry on seeing him or not.

Men always want what they think they can’t have. Be aloof.

No, only awful men want what they can’t have. Nice men want someone they care about who also cares about them. Some men actually just do want a good friend and companion who they can also be intimate with. If a man expected me to behave in such a ridiculous manner I’d get rid of him immediately.

He'll give you just enough contact to keep you interested. Then bump it up the next time he wants sex.

If he was that keen at first, then after dtd he should have been more interested/excited/keen. There would be a little buzz.

if he can’t be honest with me then it’s a no go anyway

Good point.

'The phone call has really confused me - this is not the action of a ghoster. But not arranging a time to meet again is also weird'

I'm wondering if maybe he isn't actually single?

The phone call sounds promising to me. You need to tread the line between not playing games but not being taken for a ride.

I would respond pleasantly but not initiate contact if he goes quiet again and see if he proposes another date soon. If he doesn't, end it. In the meantime, keep looking- keep your options open and your mind active.

The most simple explanation is usually the right one. If you're having to come up with long winded explanations for things, they are probably not correct!

If he does get in touch to arrange another date I’d say give him a chance. But don’t chase him, if he is properly interested he won’t need chasing. Glad you’ve ordered the book, it is an elightening read! Good luck x

Here is the thing

Does he make you happy ?

It’s a big fat NO as the in off is giving you stress !

I think put aside the rules and rights and wrong the text the silence the calls etc

I don’t get happy vibes off you OP . It’s stress and that’s the ultimate really

AnywWay let’s see ! Just don’t feel bad - whatever you decide x

The phone call is not confusing. It's the "see, I am not the man that sleeps with women and never contacts them again, no sireee, not me!" phone call that stops him from being the cliched arsehole that he doesn't want to see himself as. That's all.

Does he make you happy? I don’t get happy vibes off you OP. It’s stress and that’s the ultimate really

That’s very true. When we are together I am happy, but all this not knowing what’s going on isn’t worth it.

He's distancing himself.... it what I hear OP... think about how he behaved before 'that night' and how be behaves now...

*is what I hear OP...

sorry my hands are weirdly cold lol

He's distancing himself.... it what I hear OP... think about how he behaved before 'that night' and how be behaves now...

He’s being quite chatty on text today. Who knows! I’m away this weekend so will be less in contact because of that. I’ll see what happens.

that's good OP..

OP come over to the dating thread where we are not horrible and know exactly what you mean when it comes to communication and know that it's not needy and precious and demanding and hard work or trying to expect effort and responses to texts

Thanks literary - can you link to the thread?

Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3238983-Lets-have-a-bit-of-Summer-Lovin-Dating-Thread-133

Thank you!

OP he might be a good person . Really a lot of us are projecting our own experiences and feeling into this

I do think exploring your experience and how this makes you feel is THE most important thing .

As even if he is lovely after all maybe after an abusive relationship you need something different . just don’t beat yourself up for feeling anxious about it that’s all

i am surprised that calling you the day after and then keeping in text contact is viewed as, "hes just not that into you" maybe he is very into you and trying not to appear too keen. Based on what you've said I wouldnt write him off yet.

maybe he is very into you and trying not to appear too keen

I really wish it wasn’t necessary to play these games! Why can’t people say what they mean and be in contact when they want?!

If he was into you it wouldn't be this hard and he would have made it clear. He would also have pinned you down to another meet/date by now. Please don't waste your time second guessing him, he's actually being quite clear.

I don't think he's playing games - he had a busy day and apologised about it that evening, then rang you for an actual conversation the next, day and has been chatty via text today. It's a bit weird that he's not asked you for another date, but makes sense if you're away this weekend and he's away next week.

If the text conversation is flowing today, why not just ask when he's gonna be back from his work trip and suggest doing something?

I do think that you need to give the benefit of the doubt on these things. Someyimes people are just busy, other times they are a bit unsure. Something soon boat happened with my husband when we were dating (before we started sleeping together though). He asked me to marry him like two months later. Just put it to the back of your mind. Keep communication open but don't expect anything and see what happens.

f he was into you it wouldn't be this hard and he would have made it clear.
I don't know if that's true though. If the OP doesn't want to seem too keen why can't her date feel the same way?