An actual, real list for your husband, really?

[LifesTooShortForYourNonsense]

There were 3 mums talking on the pick up from school today about the lists they have for their husbands - I was a bit speechless, as they were talking about real, written lists. Of stuff to do. For their full time working husbands, when they either don't work or work part time. Do people really do this? And, stay married? I don't understand, I would never... How disrespectful. I'm just imagining if my DH did this for me, I'd be so out the door! AIBU, or should I start a list!

I always give my husband lists ! He has no memory and if left to his own devices will sit online all day and et nothing done. I'm going away with out small baby in June and DH is staying home and will have plenty of down time. He has said he will get Dd nursery ready. He has not thought through what this involves. I've bought everything and left him a very specific list.

The Germans have an actual word that means taking pleasure in crossing things off a list. We cant remember what the word is so we call it list-en-cross-en-off-en
Love this - your word and the fact that the Germans actually have a word. Seriously cool.
I don't see a problem in lists if everyone is happy with them. I love lists, they keep me organised and stop my brain from getting so overloaded.

Everyone's relationship is different, DH and I actively ask each other for lists! Especially when it comes to jobs round the house, shopping or general errands.

Currently both sleep deprived with a newborn, so always forgetting what we went to the shop for, why we've gone in to a room or what chores have priority. But I did this before DDs arrival!

We both love excel for everything and crossing off items!

Entlistungsfreude is the German word.

I add stuff to lists that wasn't on the original list after I've done it, just so I can cross it off.

“Entlistungsfreude”.

I bought a book once called the Book of Lists, it was marvelous. As you were
Is doorframe bleaching a thing??

Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who I had to write lists for. I'm not their bloody parent and I would expect another adult to know what needs to be done.

I have a little diary and I write all my reminders in there. Saying that, I live in rented accommodation so I'm not responsible for household maintenance.

Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who I had to write lists for.

This^

BitchQueen90

But my OH is out of the house 60 hours a week working and often away.
He wouldn't always know what needs done.
I am at home all day.
Plus he is ASD and ADD.
He is a senior member of a highly specialised technical support team at work.
His workplace realise his needs and have systems in place to allow him to work at the best of his efficiency.
Having some systems at home also help him.

I'm not their bloody parent and I would expect another adult to know what needs to be done.

That's a shame because my OH is the most wonderfully supportive partner and brilliant father.

Pengggwn...I'm imagining a big, slobbering St Bernard, leaving hair all over the door frames, and a sofa that looks like a yak.
I have a DH like that!

My DH is also the most loving supportive DH in the world and makes me laugh, I love him! But he too works many hours, doesn't see what needs doing and struggles with remembering things ! Lists work for us. They're just another strategy for making sure stuff gets done and everyone stays happy!

No lists for my dh here and I would have a pink fit if he wrote one for me - I am not a child who needs telling! I think another point you were making was about the full time working father vs stay at home mothers. I recognise that we do have a v old fashioned set up and my dh is brilliant around the house (he empties the d/w more than I do!) but just as he wouldn’t come home and ask me to do some sort of analysis, I wouldn’t ask him to mop the floor. He does his job, I do mine! Old fashioned but it works for us.

Now I am off to crow-bar all of the skirting boards off the walls to bleach the back sides. What do you mean you only do this every fortnight?? Slatterns!!!

I have added bleaching door frames to DP's 'Honey Do List' for today .

My dp is quite bad at realising what needs to be done, he is ok with basics but beyond that he is hopeless so I write him lists.
He is fine with it because he wants to help but due to never having to do anything before we lived together he just doesn't realise.
He is learning though

I love a list. I write one every Monday and take great pleasure in checking things off.

I also keep a list of all the baby's feeds (she is tube fed).

I wrote shopping lists.

I write all manner of lists for Xmas. I do birthday lists and my holiday lists are mammoth.

Helps me feel organised and in control.

I leave lists for DP sometimes, not because he is incapable but because he also seems partial to a list (he'd have to like lists living with me)

Yes we have an "old fashioned" relationship .

It's fair though- if anything I am the one that gets off lightly.

I work part time, my youngest is 18 years old, so I have loads of free time.
I do all the "mental work", but we have divisions of workload too.
I don't use power tools, or mow the lawn. I have nothing to do with toilet problems, computer stuff or anything involving bins.
He does no laundry.
Works for us!

SeaToSki

"The Germans have an actual word that means taking pleasure in crossing things off a list. We cant remember what the word is so we call it list-en-cross-en-off-en"

speakout obviously him having ASD/ADD is a different situation.

But for most adults I wouldn't accept it. If these men lived alone they'd HAVE to take notice of what needs doing. Fair enough if your set up works for you but it wouldn't for me.

If these men lived alone they'd HAVE to take notice of what needs doing.
Or they might consider them jobs that didn't need doing at all. That's fine if you live alone but if you live with someone with different ideas then you need to compromise. If a list means that compromise is made and agreed jobs get done then it's a win-win.
Why does being an adult mean that you can't need help sometimes? Are all the posters on here who say they're not a child, or their other half is not a child, perfect in everything they do with no faults and no shortcomings? I do hope Mumsnet isn't reflective of the real world.

I'm agog! Bleach the door frames?

Another item to add to my list of 'Things I never do, but are a MN thing'

It doesn't really matter if 'you' wouldn't accept it, it works best for us and is one thing I can control to prevent me entering into a negative thought cycle.

Yes we definitely do lists- not disrespectful just needed especially as it's easy to lose focus when you are tired and to see clearly out of all the jobs which are most urgent. We have a blackboard and generally put up a thing a day, get lots more done this way and frees up weekends a bit so they are not lost to diy and little jobs which need doing. Doesn't mean I don't pull my weight as SAHM, I am capable of mowing lawn, putting out bins, and using a hammer but some things I am not as good at or can't find the tools as he likes to 'organise' shed which means it's a bit of mess!
Guess it depends on if it's helpful reminder list or list of demands? Mine asks for list- some people find visual info easier to process and remember and like satisfaction of ticking things off and some people who work don't actually see much of each other so practical to use a list.

I'm agog! Bleach the door frames?

Another item to add to my list of 'Things I never do, but are a MN thing'

This ^

(However, we did once have a next door neighbour who washed the outside of her front door with hot soapy water. Add that to the list of houswork I'll never do. As well as the completely made up I'd never do that MN housework.)

I have a perpetual list on my notepad in my handbag. It just tethers things down that need sorted or just weekly reminders, things like update MFP etc.

If my husband is going to the shops without me i.e. groceries he will ask for a list. Fair enough.

If we've a few errands to run, he will say, 'we need a list' so one is written do nothing gets forgotten by either of us.

He will sometimes ask for a, 'list of things that need done' or he will write one himself if he's got the day off and has agreed to do errands.

Generally speaking, he knows what's to be done i.e. sort veg for tea or make sandwiches to take to work tomorrow or set the table or put away the dried washing up or fill/empty the washing machine. I sympathise with women who are married to bone idle bastards I really do.

Oh, and we both work full time. We both take responsibility for keeping the car fuelled and on the road.

Bleach the door frames ? Jeez, life really is to short. (I don't want bleach anywhere near the carpet, either.)

What the chuffing Nora is bleaching down door frames?

Lists might be loved by the super-organised with poor memories and eyesight but are more loved by passive aggressive procrastinators.

My DH seems to think that listing a job is 9 10ths of actually doing it. He loves to write extensive lists of routine jobs to sign post how busy he is - too busy to actually do them. I have been known to add 'blink' or 'don't forget to breathe' to his precious list.

I find lists to be an additional chore as I already know what needs doing.