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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

An actual, real list for your husband, really?

209 replies

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 21/05/2018 21:56

There were 3 mums talking on the pick up from school today about the lists they have for their husbands - I was a bit speechless, as they were talking about real, written lists. Of stuff to do. For their full time working husbands, when they either don't work or work part time. Do people really do this? And, stay married? I don't understand, I would never... How disrespectful. I'm just imagining if my DH did this for me, I'd be so out the door! AIBU, or should I start a list!

OP posts:
Ohmydayslove · 21/05/2018 23:31

eightfaces

Get yourself in that thread! You are a natural Grin

PiffyGumtree · 21/05/2018 23:33

I have both zoflora'd a door frame AND written poor old DH a list today! Do I win?!??

We are moving house, we need a list because neither of us know our arse from our elbow currently, you throw the toddler into the mix and wahey, it's chaos!

GorgonLondon · 21/05/2018 23:39

Helps us prioritise and in our own way helps us have more fun - because once we make a list we select the most importantly items and then ensure we have enough time for other fun stuff.

woop, sounds really fun!

eightfacesofthemoon · 21/05/2018 23:40

@Ohmydayslove
What is this list???
I love bleach

StaplesCorner · 21/05/2018 23:50

i think it’s insane to write a list for another grown up - yeah me too, but unless I do my husband won't lift a finger. He has to have everything written down with instructions. He is retired and I work part time from home (he likes that as it means I can get on with the housework) Hmm

Storminateapot · 21/05/2018 23:55

My friend does this. She has never worked (they are pretty wealthy with family money) but her DH works full time and is out of the house until 8pm every weekday. He gets his list at weekends. I think he probably resents it because he's very snappy with her, but she's the sort of bulldozer person it's really hard to say no to.

My DH would tell me exactly where I could shove such a list and I wouldn't blame him. If he gave me a list of stuff to do in the house I would fashion it into a dunce's cap and make him wear it. Grin

MumofBoysx2 · 21/05/2018 23:56

Sometimes my husband will actually ask me for a list of things I want doing around the house (he's really handy with DIY and amazingly also does all the ironing!) and that's great, he works from home so gets spare time. But I wouldn't make a list if he didn't ask! It is cheeky fuckery I think to actually present someone with a list of things to do when they've been out at work all day and didn't actually ask for it!

eightfacesofthemoon · 21/05/2018 23:57

@StaplesCorner
Each to their own, but that sounds pretty grim to me. I guess we all have our compromises in life

StaplesCorner · 21/05/2018 23:58

Sometimes my husband will actually ask me for a list of things I want doing around the house

MumofBoys - you just won Mumsnet. Hand down.

Sometimes my husband will actually ask me for a list of things I want doing around the house .... Shock

Storminateapot · 21/05/2018 23:59

I'm a big fan of lists for myself though. But that's my list, written by me with my own priorities in it, I wouldn't thank anyone else for writing down what they thought I ought to do.

HarmlessChap · 22/05/2018 00:10

Nothing wrong with lists, DW was a list obsessive when we got together but over the years technology has reduced the number of post-its on the fridge.

However when planning and organising things there may well be several lists, some for me some for her. She might compile a list for me and vice versa.

We jointly compile the shopping list, for me, and that will often have notes like drop off dry cleaning or pick up prescription etc. It works for us.

wfrances · 22/05/2018 00:14

i do lists everynight for the next day , or we will forget stuff.
i suffer with chronic pain and fatigue so i really have to delegate priorities.

Thewhale2903 · 22/05/2018 00:20

My partner does basically nothing, I wish I could give him a list! He works full time but so do I from home as a childminder so my days are literally cleaning up after people and tidying mess etc. From the min I wake up and kids come in till I do the last chore, the dishes at around 10 at night. If my partner would follow a loft he would get one

Thewhale2903 · 22/05/2018 00:20

*list

Puffycat · 22/05/2018 00:23

If I left my husband a list, he’d wipe his arse on it

thegreatbeyond · 22/05/2018 00:25

As a stay-home wife and mother, I would never dream of asking my husband to lift a finger. He walks in to a five-course goumet meal every day. I massage his feet and warm his slippers while our baby looks on angelically, wearing an immaculate sailor suit.

Heh heh heh.

TuTru · 22/05/2018 00:26

I wish mine had a list.
I have a rolling todo list. He actually thinks that because he works full time all his spare time is HIS! Hahahahaha!
Even though when I’m also on full time hours, I still have to do all the other shit that needs doing or certainly worry about it getting done.

littleneepo · 22/05/2018 00:37

I’ve got a list, on the blackboard, of DIY type jobs or big tasks that need doing. Some things are for me, some things are for him, some things either of us might do.
Helps us remember during that rare “what do I do now” moment!
Bear in mind the things at the top of the list have been there for nearly 3 years now! Guess who agreed to do those ones? (Clue: not me!)
it was very rewarding recently to finally rub off “repair shed roof” which was hitting the 2 year mark!

ThanksForAllTheFish · 22/05/2018 02:02

The only list in our house is the ‘stuff we have run out of and need next time one of us goes to the supermarket’ list. Admittedly it’s often overlooked by both of us and despite me going to the shop today we are out of washing up liquid - even though it was the only thing written on the list this week.

I don’t think writing a list of tasks for DH to do would be a good idea. I would be pissed off to be presented with such a list as I imagine he would. It’s difficult to explain but to me giving another adult a ‘do all this suff’ list comes across as controlling. I do think sometimes people forget thier partner is a seperate person and not just part of a couple. If DH wants to do something I’d rather he didn’t I would never say he can’t do it, I would tell him I would prefer him not to but he’s an adult that can make his own choices. I put tasks and lists into the same category, I might mention to him something needs done but if he doesn’t do it right away I don’t get annoyed. We all have days we can’t be arsed doing what needs done (its generally things I can’t do it myself - eg: taking stuff up to the attic as our ladders are just a smidge too short and I would be liable to fall trying to get myself and a box past the top step).

I suppose it might work for some couples but not us. We are both pretty good at doing what needs done and are pretty relaxed when none of us can be bothered. (I know one of us will get round to hanging the new blind in the spare room eventually but it’s just not something I can get stressed out over- it’s been sitting there since February)

Kursk · 22/05/2018 02:12

DH has a weekly to do list broken down by day. He wants me to add to it to make sure “shit gets done”

His personality is that he can’t rest until the list is done.

OnThisHill · 22/05/2018 02:15

''Alexa - Add bleach the door frames to my to-do list".

GENIUS! You can just walk around the house telling her to put it on the list, then it's on your phone, then you forget about it!

12Etudes · 22/05/2018 02:25

Don’t use a list as dh is good at using initiative. If I think of something out of the ordinary I just ask (or text) on the spot, no problem. If anyone needs a list it’s me. I might ask him to write one for me.

TuTru your dh needs a list. Or a kick up the ass. Or both.

nokidshere · 22/05/2018 02:42

Who fucking forgets which day the bins go out. It’s the same fucking day every week

Is it? I dont think so, bins don't even get emptied every week now do they?

Ours are fortnightly. Black bin every two weeks on a Wednesday maybe (don't know which day really) black boxes every other Thursday? But not on the same week as a black bin, blue bin - well I don't even know the ritual of the blue one. And who even knows which week we are on anyway Confused

Luckily I don't have to remember because I have a big strong recycling obsessed man to do it for me Grin

Oh, I forgot the green one I think that's fortnightly during the summer but days? No idea and after summer who knows what happens to it.

Dh is kind though - if he's going to be away he leaves me (our teenagers) a bin list on the noticeboard Wink

nokidshere · 22/05/2018 02:46

Admittedly it’s often overlooked by both of us and despite me going to the shop today we are out of washing up liquid - even though it was the only thing written on the list this week.

We had no coffee over the weekend despite both of us going individually into various shops and forgetting to get it

thebewilderness · 22/05/2018 02:58

I make lists for the grand kids too so they can pick and choose what they want to do to earn a bit of pocket money.
I have always been a list maker. Never occurred to me that it was disrespectful.