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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

An actual, real list for your husband, really?

209 replies

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 21/05/2018 21:56

There were 3 mums talking on the pick up from school today about the lists they have for their husbands - I was a bit speechless, as they were talking about real, written lists. Of stuff to do. For their full time working husbands, when they either don't work or work part time. Do people really do this? And, stay married? I don't understand, I would never... How disrespectful. I'm just imagining if my DH did this for me, I'd be so out the door! AIBU, or should I start a list!

OP posts:
lollygaggy · 22/05/2018 03:26

Dh is a carpenter, electrician and plumber so I leave him a shit load of lists. Sorry if that makes me not cool.

I also leave him lists of what I want him to cook.

I do the garden and household management. He doesn't need to leave lists as I'm not forgetful.

Works for us.

Get to fuck with your judgment of other's lives op.

MiggeldyHiggins · 22/05/2018 03:28

I've done it before. He asked me to, since I know all the stuff that needs doing better than he does and he wants to do his share.
Whats the problem with that? Is the little woman meant to do literally everything?

Bettyfood · 22/05/2018 04:20

A list is not the same as step by step instructions.

thecatsarecrazy · 22/05/2018 06:14

My dh asks me to make a list. I say no look around you can see what needs doing

ScreamingValenta · 22/05/2018 06:18

I quite often give my DH a list of things to do round the house; however I work full-time and he works part-time, so I presume that's OK with you, OP. Grin Wink

headinhands · 22/05/2018 06:21

I'm guessing the list is about stuff in the home that the dh might not notice. So looking after the house and family isn't working then?

headinhands · 22/05/2018 06:23

My husband will list every teeny tiny thing he has done while I have been out - I do not feel the need to do this 

Yes! And I've caught myself saying thank you. Blush

headinhands · 22/05/2018 06:25

always bleach door frames?

Don't you only need to bleach things that you're likely to eat off or prepare food on that can't fit in the dishwasher?

headinhands · 22/05/2018 06:28

Funny story about a shopping list. Sent dh to Asda with a list on Saturday. Sent him again on Sunday with a different shopping list. In transit he lost the new list but found the Saturday list and went round ASDA buying the exact same trolly full as he had the day before and thought nothing of it. I love him dearly but he definitely needs a bit of organising sometimes.

Rockandrollwithit · 22/05/2018 06:31

My DH is full time and I'm on mat leave. He still helps around the house as he isn't a dick. Doesn't need a list either as he is in possession of common sense e.g. he will put a wash on before going to work or change the bin when it is full.

After mat leave I'm going back full time and DH will be part time. I still expect to be involved with housework and night feeds etc

speakout · 22/05/2018 06:32

Yes I make lists for my OH.

I spend 5 hours out on a Saturday- work related, OH is at home, pottering.
I often write a list, so may be

Change lightbulb in DDs room
Take stuff to the dump
Look for superglue
Buy printer paper.

It's a little bit of a joke between us, but a useful memory aid for him too.

adaline · 22/05/2018 06:34

I send DP shopping lists by text, otherwise he'd go in for bread and come out with 20 different things that weren't bread! I'd much rather write a list than have to go to Tesco myself after work, when I get home three hours after he does. He's not offended and often asks for them so he gets the right things.

I also let him know if there's laundry in the machine that needs sorting or whether I've fed the cats - because ours are insanely persuasive and can easily act like starving children even if they were fed 30 seconds ago!

Rockandrollwithit · 22/05/2018 06:34

But what I don't like about lists is that it's still the woman's responsibility to think about what needs to be done and 'manage' everything. The mental load is one sided.

What's stopping the man from realising that a lightbulb needs changing or that one of the children needs some new shoes?

CaptainBrickbeard · 22/05/2018 06:41

DH and I make lists constantly but never get anything done. We are really disorganised and our lists make us feel organised and capable but this is just a comforting illusion.

I wipe door handles with antiviral wipes, but not door frames. The rest of my house is a tip btw but we do have clean door handles.

speakout · 22/05/2018 06:41

Rockandrollwithit depends on the set up.

I am at home all week, so I am more likely to notice if a bulb has gone in my DDs room- and he tends not to spend much time in there.
Also it is an aspect of his personality that he overlooks things.
I don't mind carrying a bigger mental load.
I like to be in control over admin stuff, and I have way more time to do it.
Being able to bugger off to the gym several mornings a week is worth carrying the mental load for!!

PlatypusPie · 22/05/2018 06:44

I’m a list making sort of person, my husband isn’t - doesn’t mean that he doesn’t do things. We have general talks about major things that need doing, such as garden, DIY, car tax or insurances coming up, but other things get done as and when they are needed. If both sides are happy with one writing a list and the other receiving it then fine, but I think he would find it massively patronising for me to give him a chore list like a child and I would be uncomfortable giving it (or the other way around)

Pengggwn · 22/05/2018 06:52

I'm so glad other people are agog at bleaching the door frames. I was having a coffee on the sofa thinking about how scatty I was...

Oddbutnotodd · 22/05/2018 06:57

Door frames! Just why???

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 22/05/2018 06:59

Personally I would find it incredibly infantilising and patronising to be given ‘to do’ lists. Somehow I can be involved in multi billion dollar projects at work where I have ‘to do’ things all the time and being ‘forgetful’ will not see you last long. Quite why those capabilities should magically disappear the moment I leave the office is anyone’s guess.

DragonMummy1418 · 22/05/2018 06:59

I write a to do list for the weekend and we both do it. I write the list as I tend to notice a lot more than him around the house that needs doing.
There are some jobs on the list DH would do and I wouldn't, more because of preference than it being a man / woman job.

Rachel0Greep · 22/05/2018 07:01

...feet and warm his slippers while our baby looks on angelically, wearing an immaculate sailor suit.

Grin I love it! Especially the immaculate sailor suit.
Bleach doorframes...adds to list Wink

dogsdinnerlady · 22/05/2018 07:01

It's interesting that the 'bleach down door frames' thing has attracted so many comments. I did wonder about this myself but then I am not much of a housekeeper. Perhaps there is a toddler/pet that gnaws on the woodwork Grin. Someone please enlighten us!

Labradoodliedoodoo · 22/05/2018 07:01

DH and I find it hard to keep the house running as we both work masses and get tired. We have set jobs agreed between us. The house is semi running smoothly now which is a relief

Pengggwn · 22/05/2018 07:03

dogsdinnerlady

I'm imagining a big, slobbering St Bernard, leaving hair all over the door frames, and a sofa that looks like a yak.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 07:08

What's with the shock about bleaching doorframes?

Don't any of you clean yours then? Grin
Bucket, squirt of bleach and a good wipe down. Not that shocking surely?

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