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Don't call her gorgeous!!
177

gidddyasakipper · 21/05/2018 15:48

I found this really sad, but maybe I'm in the wrong???

I was stood on the pavement outside a cafe waiting for my food order. It was a glorious sunny day in a tourist village so there were loads of people milling about. My 9mo baby girl in her pram.
A man (late 30s?) walked over carrying a toddler. He said his dd wanted to look at the baby. A little bit of small talk followed in which I introduced my baby to the toddler. I asked how old his dd was (22 months) and said to her, "hello lovely, aren't you gorgeous!"
The man looked me sternly in the eyes and said, "oh no, don't tell her that, language like that ruins them!"

AIBU to find this quite sad?

I work with children, I have lots of friends with children. I often use language like this. This is the first time I've come across this kind of attitude and I must admit I thought he was joking and laughed in his face.

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Mookatron · 21/05/2018 15:50

Yanbu, because 'gorgeous' just means 'all round wonderful' not 'pretty'.

I know what he meant, but he was being ridiculous.

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Camomila · 21/05/2018 15:52

Hmm...maybe it’s regional? And gorgeous is smilar to sexy in some parts?
I wouldn’t call a DC gorgeous either tbh, but I wouldn’t be bothered if others used it?

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Trinity66 · 21/05/2018 15:52

I do get the logic behind focusing on other qualities when complimenting girls especially. It does seem to be all focused on looks with girls which i do think should change. Saying that though I wouldn't correct a stranger in the street like that when they're just trying to be nice either. I just try to do it myself when talking to kids

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moita · 21/05/2018 15:52

Well, he sounds delightful. YANBU. It's a baby, you were being nice.

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easterholidays · 21/05/2018 15:55

I would say that being told I was pretty as a little kid (which I was) did cause me problems, because (a) it made me feel like being pretty was something important and that I'd somehow achieved something because people thought it about me, and (b) when I grew up into a fairly normal-looking older child and teen I was devastated that people didn't routinely say it to me any more, because it was something I'd attached such weight to. I do avoid telling my nieces that they're pretty for that reason, although I'm sure not everyone has the same experience and I think that since he was someone you don't know and won't see again he was just being plain old rude.

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Kate123cl · 21/05/2018 15:56

I see a lot of people post about this on social media. I think these types of parents want their children to not see beauty past appearance. A celebrity posted about how angry he was at someone commenting on his daughters lovely appearance and he kindly asked them to recognise how clever, thoughtful a kind she was instead. I think it's absolutely ridiculous as a compliment is a compliment and a lot of people are so over sensitive now.

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bazingabazinga · 21/05/2018 15:57

You can see why the world has problems when this sort of thing offends people?

If you see him again then call over “How are you and your ugly duckling of a child?” Obviously I’m kidding but really people have gone mad these days

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Kate123cl · 21/05/2018 15:57

To see beauty* sorry

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MarthaArthur · 21/05/2018 15:58

This comes up a lot and always reminds me of this quote. Heddy Lamarr was also a mathmatician and invented componants of what is now in modern bluetooth. Even she believed calling people beautiful no matter what they look like was invaluable for their self esteme and i agree. He was being ridiculous and weird.

Don't call her gorgeous!!
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MarthaArthur · 21/05/2018 15:58

Sorry

Don't call her gorgeous!!
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userabcname · 21/05/2018 15:59

Oh no really? I often call DS "my gorgeous boy"!

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Murane · 21/05/2018 16:02

Stupid man. Some people want something to complain about!

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fussychica · 21/05/2018 16:02

I've just used the word in reference to a male child on another thread.

The man is an idiot.

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DadDadDad · 21/05/2018 16:03

Or is this parent of the school of thought that you shouldn't praise your child for anything innate (looks, brains etc) as it's demotivating (or bad for self-esteem if that praise stops in the future) - you should be praising effort or behaviour that they can control?

While I agree it's better to focus on praising behaviour, it's laughable that the odd compliment for appearance etc is going to "ruin" a child.

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Mousefunky · 21/05/2018 16:03

Ridiculous. He needs to join the real world if this is the biggest issue in his life.

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scortja · 21/05/2018 16:06

My parents never mentioned my appearance when I was growing up - i suspect for these reasons.. It meant I was an absolute SLAVE to anyone who told me I was pretty!

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MarthaArthur · 21/05/2018 16:07

I call peoples kids gorgeous on the train etc. How creepy would it be if i was chatting to a stranger and said to their child "oh you are so smart and intellectual and i guarentee you are corking at football too." Confused

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MumofBoysx2 · 21/05/2018 16:07

He's bonkers, you said something perfectly nice and normal.

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/05/2018 16:08

Yep the world has officially cracked its face. You petrified to open your mouth.
That's why i don't look at kids to be honest.
YANBU

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ScreamingValenta · 21/05/2018 16:11

Shock Next time you see him, say 'what an average-looking toddler you have there, sir.'

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cjt110 · 21/05/2018 16:11

My mum once called a baby bonnie. In that area it meant fat and ugly - definitely wasn't what she meant Confused

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LittleRen · 21/05/2018 16:12

YDNBU I always call kids gorgeous, my own (boys) and others. What is the world coming too!!

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Luisa27 · 21/05/2018 16:15

How bizarre - what a strange man

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happymummy12345 · 21/05/2018 16:16

I don't see the problem at all

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InsomniacAnonymous · 21/05/2018 16:16

I called a puppy gorgeous yesterday. I wonder if that's acceptable or not.

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