Don't call her gorgeous!!

[gidddyasakipper]

I found this really sad, but maybe I'm in the wrong???

I was stood on the pavement outside a cafe waiting for my food order. It was a glorious sunny day in a tourist village so there were loads of people milling about. My 9mo baby girl in her pram.
A man (late 30s?) walked over carrying a toddler. He said his dd wanted to look at the baby. A little bit of small talk followed in which I introduced my baby to the toddler. I asked how old his dd was (22 months) and said to her, "hello lovely, aren't you gorgeous!"
The man looked me sternly in the eyes and said, "oh no, don't tell her that, language like that ruins them!"

AIBU to find this quite sad?

I work with children, I have lots of friends with children. I often use language like this. This is the first time I've come across this kind of attitude and I must admit I thought he was joking and laughed in his face.

[Stars1979]

I wouldn’t have even have understood if he had replied this to me. Gorgeous is a lovely term. I have a five month old and would be delighted if you’d said this to my little one. I would have assumed he was joking. Madnessz

[Rockandrollwithit]

I have two sons and regularly call them both gorgeous!

[youvegottobekidding]

FFS, people are reading way too much into expressions, yanbu, you simply complimented a toddler. The man was being a tosser imo.

My parents never once called me gorgeous, lovely or ever complimented me. My dad use to call me 'fly shit face' because of my freckles. I'd say that's 'ruined' me - I've hated my face since I can remember!

[spidey66]

I often describes strangers' babies as gorgeous. Cos, you know, babies are gorgeous.

[JessieMcJessie]

He asked your permission to let his daughter come and look at your baby, you kindly said it was no problem and instead of thanking you and wishing you a lovely day he decided to tell you off for giving his toddler child a compliment based on her appearance? What a rude bastard!

It’s so sad- here is this man who feels so strongly about this particular principle that he worries a casual comment will cause his daughter lasting damage, yet she is being raised in a family where her parents think it not only appropriate but necessary to abandon common courtesy when others do not confirm to their standards. That is what will damage the poor girl.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

It's because of cranks like this that I only coo and kittens and puppies.
and baby spiders of course.
Just hope mummy spider doesnt come out her web and shout at me

[gidddyasakipper]

Thank you to those of you who have assured me I WNBU. I do feel that he is at risk of doing more harm than good.
What a sad world it would be we were no longer allowed to compliment babies and children (and adults for goodness sake!!!) like this!!

I like when my baby gets told she's . There's plenty she's going to have to face in this world to challenge her so if I can start her off in life with a positive self image (all aspects of her, not just looks!!!) then that's what i will do!!!

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

It's great if we tell all our children they're gorgeous and teach them that people can be beautiful inside and out in all shapes, sizes, colours and forms.

[Changednamesorry]

What a twat he was. Sorry you had to put up with such nonsense.

[didofido]

StrangeLookingParasite - "I don't remember my mother ever complimenting me on anything related to me (nor my sisters, either). She was from the generation that believed that priasing your children would give them a big head, which was the worst thing ever."

Yes! My parents were like this too. I'm sure they loved me, but were desperate that I shouldn't "think a lot of myself", because no one would like me if I did. My mother once told me off for hugging my baby sons and telling them they were beautiful because "you'll make them soft" It is sad.

[Katherine2626]

Silly man with silly ideas. He will probably end up making his child think that she is the opposite of pretty/gorgeous and cause her a lot of angst. I have a theory that some people get power crazed and over possessive when they have a child and want to correct everyone else all the time because 'they know best' about everything - my sil was just like this until my sister exploded at her one day when she was picked up on for something silly one more time than she could bear ; after that sil did seem to calm down and was a lot more sensible and tolerant of other people and really very innocent remarks.

[sexysara]

would hate to grow up in that family geez

[JustJayne1959]

It’s this new don’t praise them business and I find it totally ridiculous 🙄

[KittenBeast]

YANBU. That guy sounds like a barrel of larfs. Should have said "aren't you hideous" maybe that would have been more to his taste.

[JennieLee]

My parents didn't tell me that I was gorgeous or pretty.

I think I've found this quite liberating. I don't wear make-up or agonise a lot about my appearance.

Yes, I want to be healthy and keep clean and wear clothes that suit me, but that's about it.

I do think that, particularly for girls, praising them a lot for how they appear can have - unintended - negative consequences.

[KittenBeast]

JennieLee But I always call my sons and nephews gorgeous, it's not purely a female thing, surely?

[JennieLee]

I think it's done more with girls. And I think it carries on longer with girls - throughout their childhood and adult life. With boys it tends to be more when they're quite young and then it tails off.

[LionAllMessy]

I think I would have asked why.

Because.... Why??

[pigsDOfly]

Oh no, I tell my dog she's gorgeous all the time; no wonder she's got a bit of an attitude and keeps expecting me to give her tummy rubs.

Clearly thoroughly spoiled.

[AsAProfessionalFekko]

I call DH and DS 'my gorgeous people' but I don't think they take me seriously...

[RoadToRivendell]

My parents didn't tell me that I was gorgeous or pretty.

I think I've found this quite liberating. I don't wear make-up or agonise a lot about my appearance.

Yes, I want to be healthy and keep clean and wear clothes that suit me, but that's about it.

I do think that, particularly for girls, praising them a lot for how they appear can have - unintended - negative consequences.


Hm. Bit extreme, maybe? I can't imagine having a daughter and never taking her shopping, getting a manicure, or telling her she's pretty. That seems a bit joyless.

[RoadToRivendell]

My teenage son loves a trip to the mall.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

jennie I agree to a point.
It's one thing to strive to bring up a daughter who doesn't place too much importance on their appearance. If you don't nurture them to believe that their self worth is directly linked to a beauty ideal perpetuated by society then that's to be applauded.

It's quite another to demand the whole world bows to the extreme of never referring to appearance. That's absurd and I think a false controlling approach to parenting.
There's a balance where you can foster a good self image in a child and build their confidence in themselves by telling them they're beautiful as well as kind, generous, hard working, good at skipping..whatever.

No need to go to extremes trying to shield them from a kind stranger's throw away comments. He's just made himself like a rude man who wants to demand the world revolves around his daughter.

[Starlight2345]

I call my 11 year old Ds gorgeous . Nothing wrong with it

[JennieLee]

Hm. Bit extreme, maybe? I can't imagine having a daughter and never taking her shopping, getting a manicure, or telling her she's pretty. That seems a bit joyless.

I have a daughter and obviously I have taken her shopping for clothes. Mostly necessary trips when she was younger - but now she's a bit older we can enjoy looking at vintage/retro stuff together. I've never taken her for a manicure. She'll ask me if clothes suit her/work on her - and I give her feedback. I generally praise her - especially if/when she's done something praiseworthy and make her feel loved. But I don't think I've ever used words like 'pretty'. She seems to be doing fine. Facebook etc wasn't around when she was small and I'm glad that the whole thing of selfies wasn't there in her childhood.