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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?

195 replies

carol1234568 · 20/05/2018 19:56

Sorry for the depressing thread, but sometimes I start thinking about all the sad things most of us will have to deal with in life.

Obviously we all have shit things happen - I've been bullied, made redundant and have had issues with my parents over the years, but I'm talking about the single hardest thing you've had to deal with.

For me it was when my grandmother died. I feel many people brush off grandparents deaths and don't realise it can be just as sad as a parent dying. My grandma cared about me more than my parents do, and her death was my first real experience with loss.

What about you?

OP posts:

BeyondPink · 20/05/2018 21:42

Its longer term rather than one event, but watching my Nan disappear before our eyes with Alzheimer's. She's still alive now, yet has been gone for about ten years.
Watching someone suffer like that and knowing that there is nothing you can do :(

WheelyCote · 20/05/2018 21:43

Loss of my Dad

neveradullmoment99 · 20/05/2018 21:43

I suppose when my dad died when I was 6. The hugeness of the loss was felt for years. The hugeness of his loss at the time had never escaped me despite my young age. It was such a shock. I now don't remember him very much of him but years down the line when I had my children I watched a very old cinefilm of him and was close to tears. I suppose it brought back to me what id been robbed of all these years to the forefront. It is a big thing losing a parent. I often worry about my own mortality with my own children.

jaseyraex · 20/05/2018 21:43

My mum suffered a horrendous mental breakdown and tried to kill my dad when I was 13. Thankfully she was unsuccessful but to see both my mum and dad broken in such different ways by what she did was awful and it took a long time to forgive her.

Falling pregnant to abusive ex when I was 19. I gave birth at 25 weeks, baby was born with a heart condition. He died at 21 days old. It was heartbreaking but sometimes I think it was for the best as it broke all ties with ex and I was able to move on.

Most recently, my little sister being diagnosed with cancer. She had brain cancer when she was 7 but she beat it. She's 12 now and found out last month that it's back. Outlook is a lot worse this time around.

for everyone. Life is unbearably shit sometimes.

OrcinusOrca · 20/05/2018 21:44

I honestly don't know. There are a few big things that have shaped me a lot, but I don't know which is the worst. Sounds like we have all had some incredibly tough experiences

Stinkbomb · 20/05/2018 21:45

My baby dying at 2 days old.
There's no getting over that.

neveradullmoment99 · 20/05/2018 21:46

stinkbomb

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 20/05/2018 21:46

I read the title and came to post

Then I read the stories on here and my troubles don’t even compare . Yes they were painful for me . But reading all your posts Is very very humbling indeed .

SprayingMonsters · 20/05/2018 21:47

Ginormoustrawberry - Are you saying OP has been here before?

I guess the worst thing(s) that have happened to me are - 1. My mum and dad splitting up, my dad is the one who broke the news to say he wouldn’t be living with us. 2. My dad leaving the country for good, and now I only see him every three months.

I know it isn’t severe compared to others here.

Original poster

carol1234568 · 20/05/2018 21:48

I really don't know what you mean @ginormousstrawberry and I'm really sad you say that . I'm just having a sad day due to various things and because something awful is probably going to happen to me soon which I won't go into, but I didn't want to be a 'voyeur' at all so I'm really sorry and ashamed if you think that. I was hoping to maybe find someone who has also gone through this thing and find someone who can relate to it. These stories have made me cry but also realise everyone is going through their own private pain and we aren't really alone. Again, sorry you think that.

OP posts:

NutElla5x · 20/05/2018 21:48

Lots of amazingly strong people on this thread.Love and respect to you all xxxx

annandale · 20/05/2018 21:49

My husband's suicide, including the whole day, when I was trying to get help but actively saying the wrong things. It was like a nightmare when nobody will listen and even if they do it all comes out wrong.

SoleBizzz · 20/05/2018 21:50

Being born.

Zizzl · 20/05/2018 21:55

Being sadistically raped, starved & beaten unconscious by my father for years after my dm walked out. Reporting it to the police and then being handed back to my father again.

Decades later I still only cling to life some days trying to get over this.

BoiledFrog · 20/05/2018 21:55

Probably my Mum dying, I think that has had the biggest impact on my life. I recently split with someone I loved very much, I think I have sunk lower, but I think that is also mixed up with my issues.

Deffo my Mum dying, that shifted the whole foundations of my life, she wasn't perfect or even good, but Jesus, nothing could ever be the same.

My dad died when I was much younger, but that did not have the same impact.

MamTDM · 20/05/2018 21:56

Watching my mum become ill with an unidentified cluster of physical and mental symptoms which put her, and us, through absolute hell for over two years, with repeated hospital admissions but no clear diagnosis, and eventually die very suddenly in her sleep of something else entirely, thus leaving us with questions that will never be answered.

Close behind that are my dad contracting bacterial meningitis at 84 and spending ten days on ITU (mercifully he survived), my miscarriage at 12 weeks a few days before Christmas 2012, which was incredibly painful both physically and emotionally, and losing our beloved dog to cancer just four days after she'd been diagnosed, two days before Christmas 2014.

Lellowcar · 20/05/2018 21:57

Loosing my grandad last year, honestly I still don’t feel like he’s gone but I miss him so so much. I’m constantly forgetting and going to call him (even though I deleted his number)

chocolateworshipper · 20/05/2018 21:58

For those of you saying your story isn't as bad as some others - one of the things I learned in many years of therapy is that we can't compare bad things. You are allowed to feel sad about whatever has affected you badly. I met someone whose story made me cry, and I felt like a fraud for seeking therapy for my troubled childhood. Yet when I told my story, he had tears in his eyes and said he couldn't have coped with what I went through and he thought his own trauma wasn't as bad as mine. My childhood was awful and then my DD went through mental health problems and tried to take her own life. It has made me more compassionate and I know I should be grateful that she's still alive, but I am allowed to feel sorrow and I wouldn't wish the experiences I've had on anyone.

WitchesGlove · 20/05/2018 22:01

Hungryhippo- that’s awful! How did you get out of that if you don’t mind me asking?

Original poster

carol1234568 · 20/05/2018 22:02

Very true @chocolateworshipper I've felt so sad reading some of these stories I feel bad for feeling sad about things like depression, redundancy, bullying etc, but all negative events leave scars.

I hope everyone has support in their lives and a way to get through the dark days

OP posts:

Princess9891 · 20/05/2018 22:02

My nan died 3 weeks ago, I still can't process it. All I can think is that she was very ill and is in a better place now.

CookPassBabtridge · 20/05/2018 22:02

I was going to say my dad dying, who I loved so much and miss terribly. However he was 70 and it was expected.
But I will never forget the horror of my parents getting a call from my brother saying his two week old baby had died, and everything that followed. I was a young teen and felt so helpless and useless and devastated for them.

Original poster

carol1234568 · 20/05/2018 22:05

Really sorry @Princess9891

OP posts:

HunterofStars · 20/05/2018 22:08

These stories have made me feel

Mine was when I was 21 and living alone for the first time in supported accommodation. I was sexually assaulted by my flatmate's boyfriend's mate. I was left with severe PTSD, which not one person picked up on. I had a nervous breakdown and lost a really good job at the time.

10 years later, I had my first smear test and it brought back memories of the assault. When it came back as inconclusive and my mum and dad gleefully told me that I would be having another one and if I refused then she would be phoning social services and they would force me to have one. When I had the second smear test, I ended up breaking down in tears to the nurse about it. It's now on my medical records.

I sought counselling after that and recently shared my experience with some social work students and opened up to my boss about it. I was shaking afterwards but it helped me to come to terms with it.

for everyone on here. I also lost my lovely dgm 9 years ago and I don't think I'll ever get over losing her.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 20/05/2018 22:08

I suppose although my bad times were bad , I have been able to move on from then and heal IFSWIM . Thanks to Therapist #1, #2 and #3

So for that I Am grateful - hence why not sharing if that makes sense ? Not because they are trivial .

I feel quite tearful reading people’s stories

I agree that life can be a series of knocks and some people are incredible to keep walking on

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