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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step DD and Rent

156 replies

YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:45

Currently step DD doesn’t pay rent. She gives us £50-£100 a month, pays her own phone, most of her food, etc... and is saving for uni.

DH says he doesn’t want her paying rent as if we charge her anymore it eats into her savings and we will end up giving her money for uni. So if she saves it instead of giving it to us for rent we are saving ourselves money in the future.

She is a good girl, helps around the house, her bedroom is spotless. She doesn’t stay out late, she’s respectful of our home and we have a good relationship. She is 20.

However I can’t help but feel she should pay more rent! We are not well off, but we have enough money to get by and see the odd film and go on a small holiday once a year. Step DD genuinely saves her money.

She’s off to Uni in September.

So who is BU? Me or DH?

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:46

Sorry she also works full time, minimum wage job but still earns a fair wage.

OP posts:
titchy · 20/05/2018 15:48

She does give you rent - it's in the first line of your post.

titchy · 20/05/2018 15:48

Sorry second line...

KittyVonCatsworth · 20/05/2018 15:48

I think YABU. She’s contributing a reasonable amount and she’s respectable in your home, I think (in the nicest way) you should give her a bit of a break and enable her to save. She sounds like a lovely girl.

Amanduh · 20/05/2018 15:48

She gives you £100 a month and pays her own food, phone etc. Going to uni in 6 months. She helps around the house, is respectful and lovely.
And you want her to pay more? Seriously?
Yabvu. And horrible.

MyNameIsTotoro · 20/05/2018 15:50

She gives you £100 a month and pays her own food, phone etc. Going to uni in 6 months. She helps around the house, is respectful and lovely.
And you want her to pay more? Seriously?
Yabvu. And horrible.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

spontaneousgiventime · 20/05/2018 15:50

Would you like blood to go with the rent?

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:51

I mean official rent. £50 a month is nothing when her friends are paying £500 a month for a tiny room. Even if she gave us £250/£200 it would still make a difference. I guess it’s the principal of the fact that if it were my biological child, I’d expect a lot more! Just due to the fact she is an adult and should pay her way. However she is not my daughter, and although I love her I won’t disregard DH’a decision as he is her daughter.

OP posts:
Somerville · 20/05/2018 15:52

A young adult who is living at home to save for uni shouldn't pay rent IMO, as it defeats the purpose. Sure with paying her own way with food and phone etc... - though plenty don't at her age.

Also worth considering that you may not be losing financially because of her living with you - would you be renting out that room to a lodger if she didn't need it? What about uni holidays?

Fabricwitch · 20/05/2018 15:52

I think you're being unreasonable. It sounds like a fair amount

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:53

I suppose I feel this way as our gas, water and electricity have all just gone up and it’s stressing me out. Like I said we just about get by but if our other bills increase, it’ll get harder.

If I am that unreasonable, would it be okay to ask her to pay her own car tax? It’s not the largest amount but would help a bit.

I just feel like our bills are going up, we do need some money and she has £1200 a month or so spare. When you take this into account, £50 is not much.

OP posts:
mimibunz · 20/05/2018 15:54

YBVVU! Are you jealous of her by any chance? You seem to want to make her life difficult by taking her uni savings off her.

Tabathatwitchett · 20/05/2018 15:56

My children won't be paying rent to live in their home and it won't stop being their home just because they turn 18.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/05/2018 15:56

I think it’s fine for her to pay her car tax.

Oysterbabe · 20/05/2018 15:56

Yabu. She does pay rent and needs to save for uni. I wouldn't charge my child more in those circumstances.

Thewhale2903 · 20/05/2018 15:57

Do you have your own child? I think its quite rediculous. If she is already pay I g her own bills and for her own food then what's the problem. I wouldn't take money off my child at all for "rent" you and her father are not her landlord and really isn't her fault that your jobs just get you by. That's his child and she sound very mature for her age. If I was him I would personally tell you to go get a grip of yourself (probably not so nicely) as you are being rediculous.

Somerville · 20/05/2018 15:57

Your utilities haven't gone up because of her though. The difference between 3 adults in a house and 2 is neglible; unless she's puts the heating on too much in which case ask her not to.

Moussemoose · 20/05/2018 15:58

You don't want to support her at uni? So you don't want to contribute the parental contribution? So the bit of the loan parents should pay you want to make her pay? You want her to fund all of her loans herself?

No wonder the younger generation get pissed off.

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:59

She has the main double room and me and DH have the smaller double. No issues here, she’s always had that room since she moved in with us when she was younger as she wanted it and we wanted to make her feel welcome in her new home. We could rent it out but wouldn’t dream of doing so as it’s her room, even when she is at uni.

OP posts:
Haberpop · 20/05/2018 15:59

"DH says he doesn’t want her paying rent as if we charge her anymore it eats into her savings and we will end up giving her money for uni."

Surely, if for no other reason than that, the logic is she is paying enough?

user1493413286 · 20/05/2018 15:59

If she’s saving the money for something then I wouldn’t take any more from her. How much does she cost you a month? I would assume you wouldn’t be downsizing if she moved out so the space isn’t costing you and £50-100 must cover her food so it’s a little bit more for her electricity and water?
It’s a bit different when kids are out spending all their money on going out but even so at 20 I’d give them a bit of a fun time as there’s a lot of years ahead of paying loads for rent and not having much left over.

Want2beme · 20/05/2018 16:00

I suppose it depends on how much money she gets p.m. What she currently gives you is very little, but she does pay for most of her own food and as you say, is good around the house. Maybe you could discuss with your DH about DSD paying for 1 of your household bills, or one food shop p.m.? She's saving hard and it'd be a shame to put too much pressure on her to give more to you. She sounds like a lovely lass.

SilverHairedCat · 20/05/2018 16:01

Umm, YABU. Why have the bills gone up? A 3rd person makes little difference in my experience.

Maybe you need to look at whether you are being overcharged on the bills? Are you out of contract period and paying base rate for the utilities? When did you last check them.?

GlitterBurps · 20/05/2018 16:02

YABVU. I wish my dss had been so lovely and respectful. He was working full time, kept his room like a shit tip and hardly did a thing to help. He paid £300 pm rent as that’s how much our food bill and utilities etc went up by and we couldn’t afford the extra expense. It sounds like she’s trying her best and she’s going to uni soon and being very sensible saving. Don’t ruin what sounds like a lovely relationship over a few pounds.

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 16:03

Yes she will fund uni herself. She’s got savings, gets the max student loan, has a scholarship and will work part time. We worked out she will have £80 a week at uni. Which is more than we have spare now. We’ve done all the maths with her and worked out we won’t need to give her anything, which we couldn’t afford anyway, or such a small amount it would be negligible.

None of her friends parents have funded uni for them. Do people actually have enough money to fund uni for their kids?

My own daughter is 16. She pays her for phone, will pay her own driving lessons and car, etc... I don’t think this is unreasonable, just the reality when you are from a household where there’s not much spare cash.

OP posts:
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