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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step DD and Rent

156 replies

YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:45

Currently step DD doesn’t pay rent. She gives us £50-£100 a month, pays her own phone, most of her food, etc... and is saving for uni.

DH says he doesn’t want her paying rent as if we charge her anymore it eats into her savings and we will end up giving her money for uni. So if she saves it instead of giving it to us for rent we are saving ourselves money in the future.

She is a good girl, helps around the house, her bedroom is spotless. She doesn’t stay out late, she’s respectful of our home and we have a good relationship. She is 20.

However I can’t help but feel she should pay more rent! We are not well off, but we have enough money to get by and see the odd film and go on a small holiday once a year. Step DD genuinely saves her money.

She’s off to Uni in September.

So who is BU? Me or DH?

OP posts:
chinam · 20/05/2018 16:03

I also think YABU. You'd be taking money from her now only to have to give it back to her in the form of higher support for college. What would be the point in that?

BewareOfDragons · 20/05/2018 16:03

You are being very unreasonable.

You have what appears to be a polite, responsible girl living under your roof who does contribute, helps out, pitches in, has a low level, but is saving her money so she can go to university in the fall to better herself.

And you think she should be paying you more?

FFS.

Would you truly want to treat her that way if she was 'yours' and not your SD? I would find that hard to believe.

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 16:04

My DD has the smaller single room. We did consider asking them to share and then having a lodger in the single, but decided not too. We have a three bedroom house we can’t afford, hence the reason for wanting more money.

OP posts:
Valanice1989 · 20/05/2018 16:06

YABVU.

Vangoghsear · 20/05/2018 16:06

YABU, give her credit for being sensible and responsible.

Whatdoiladymcbeth · 20/05/2018 16:07

Yabu

BewareOfDragons · 20/05/2018 16:07

Well, then when she leaves for university, perhaps it would be fair to expect the girls to share the larger room she returns for breaks and visits ... and you can rent out the smaller room for more income.

But let her keep saving her money for school. You know she needs it.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 20/05/2018 16:08

How can your bills have gone up if she now buys her own food, cleans and is at work a lot? The £50-£100 should easily cover any extra electric she costs.

Wanting to make a profit off a child is awful, if you want extra money for nice things you could go and earn it yourself.

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 16:08

To be honest I wouldn’t see an issue with asking her to pay £200 a month. This is still much less than actual rent, but would give us some breathing room with finance. At the end of the day she is an adult working full time and can still save around £800 a month if she gave us £200. This is still plenty of money for uni.

And yes it will be the exact same with my own DD. She is starting an apprenticeship in September instead of college and she will giving us £200 a month. It is a paid apprenticeship, so we wanted her to contribute something. This is how things will be when they enter the adult world. I paid rent as soon as I started working, and this was part time. Maybe this is different from other parents but this was the culture I was raised in.

OP posts:
StormcloakNord · 20/05/2018 16:08

Drip drip. You're drip feeding.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to ask her to pay more rent, however, with charging her more you should also expect her to have friends round whenever she wants, throw parties if she wants, clean up as and when she wants and live selfishly.

That's what you pay for when you pay rent, your own space/room/freedom.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/05/2018 16:09

Yabu. I wonder if she ever picks up on how much you seem to resent her and think she's a free-loading parasite.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/05/2018 16:09

YABU OP. Why would you take money off her that she's going to desperately need.

She sounds like a great kid.

titchy · 20/05/2018 16:09

Do people actually have enough money to fund uni for their kids?

If your household income is over £25k a year they won't get the full loan, so yes of course parents top up. Decent parents anyway.

To echo others - you and your dp can't afford your current lifestyle. It's not your dsd's fault. How are you going to manage in September when she won't be giving you £100 a month?

spontaneousgiventime · 20/05/2018 16:09

It looks to me like you want to use her as a cash cow and it's horrible. YABVVU and loads of PP have told you so but you won't hear it.

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 16:10

I suppose it also annoys me that DH is fine for my DD to pay rent in September but not his own daughter.

Our bills have gone up because of annual price changes, not our kids or a change in usage.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 20/05/2018 16:10

. We have a three bedroom house we can’t afford

Why is this ? do you both work ? Something needs to give but dont think you can rely on your SD to help fund you

ObiJuanKenobi · 20/05/2018 16:11

YABU and your drip feeding is really annoying.

titchy · 20/05/2018 16:12

You need to shop around for utilities then. I don't think I've had a utility price rise for years!

happypoobum · 20/05/2018 16:12

Absolutely gobsmacked.

She IS paying you rent - up to £100 a month. Seeing as she is saving for uni I don't think you should be asking for more.

If you were struggling and she was spending it all on hair extensions and vodka, and being a little cow, you might have a point.

You do sound really jealous of her.

re the bedrooms, I would swap them around so she is in the smallest room as she probably won't be back much once she goes to uni, especially if she has a job.

Moussemoose · 20/05/2018 16:12

I saved up for years to help my kids through uni.

She is making mature decisions about finance and costs you nothing while at uni. If you make her pay now she may well leave and not return but that may actually be what you want if if saves you money.

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 16:13

If people think I’m being unreasonable then I will accept that I am. That is why I posted here.

In September we will consider down sizing, and SDD will have to share with DD in the holidays. Our household income is less than 25k, so she does get the full loan.

How about my other daughter then? AIBU to ask my daughter who will be in a paid apprenticeship for £200 a month?

I ask as like I said I am from a different culture where it is the norm for kids to pay rent as soon as they earn a wage. My DH however is British so this is not normal for him.

OP posts:
BritInUS1 · 20/05/2018 16:13

YABVU

She is paying you £100 a month plus all her own food.

When your DD is paying £200 a month, who will be paying her food, toiletries, etc?

Also bill increases are part of owning a house, they are not her fault.

If your finances are that tight you need to find another way to supplement your income - could one of you take another job?

Original poster
YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 16:14

I don’t want to make them share a room or have to moveas it’s their home and I want them to be comfortable and feel like their home is their home. But we can’t afford it and I suppose I have to accept that we are living beyond our means instead of getting the kids to subsidise it

OP posts:
AlecTrevelyan006 · 20/05/2018 16:15

YABU

Shiftymake · 20/05/2018 16:15

A 3rd person makes little difference in my experience. I notice a huge difference when dsd is gone for a few days. Almost halves the electric bill alone.