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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step DD and Rent

156 replies

YellowPansy23 · 20/05/2018 15:45

Currently step DD doesn’t pay rent. She gives us £50-£100 a month, pays her own phone, most of her food, etc... and is saving for uni.

DH says he doesn’t want her paying rent as if we charge her anymore it eats into her savings and we will end up giving her money for uni. So if she saves it instead of giving it to us for rent we are saving ourselves money in the future.

She is a good girl, helps around the house, her bedroom is spotless. She doesn’t stay out late, she’s respectful of our home and we have a good relationship. She is 20.

However I can’t help but feel she should pay more rent! We are not well off, but we have enough money to get by and see the odd film and go on a small holiday once a year. Step DD genuinely saves her money.

She’s off to Uni in September.

So who is BU? Me or DH?

OP posts:
MissCharleyP · 20/05/2018 18:58

titchy the minimum wage for an 18 year old is £5.90 per hour. For a 35 hour week, that’s less than £900 pm gross. I know I’m making assumptions but I barely took £1200 home earning an hourly rate about 2.5 times that! I had a min wage job over Christmas (over 25 rate) and earned just over £1k over 8 weeks (some weeks f/t, some not).

DuchyDuke · 20/05/2018 18:58

If you aren’t earning enough to support yourselves without your adult kids’ ‘help’ then you aren’t doing too well. You need to take a cold hard look at your finances.

Quartz2208 · 20/05/2018 19:05

Right I think 100 is probably right for both of your children.

I think you should stop with the car tax etc - any personal bills are their responsibility

I think then you need to really focus on your own finances - if you cant afford it you cant afford it but that is the responsibility of both of you

titchy · 20/05/2018 19:09

She may well be earning standard NMW.

If you only took home that amount whilst earning £25k it must have been years ago as you must have been paying 33% tax.

A salary of £25k pa now would give take home of almost £1700 a month.

LakieLady · 20/05/2018 19:09

"I just feel like our bills are going up, we do need some money and she has £1200 a month or so spare."

Which bills are going up, and by how much?

I'd concentrate on shopping around for cheaper deals on everything before you start asking DSD to reduce how much she saves towards uni (which is what charging her more "rent" will amount to). Go on uSwitch and see if you can get a cheaper deal on gas, electricity and internet, go on SIM only as soon as you've paid for your current phones, use comparison websites before you renew any car or household insurance.

I'm amazed at how many people pay through the nose for things like broadband when they could get Plusnet for around £20 a month, and every time I renew my car insurance it seems to be cheaper than it was the year before (and not because of NCB, I've had the maximum for about 15 years). We just saved £40 a month by switching energy suppliers, which more than covers the increase in council tax this year.

Frax · 20/05/2018 19:13

I wouldn't take rent from your DD or SDD.
If she pays £50 a month and buys her own food she isn't costing you anything, it seems you actually want her to subsidise you

lunar1 · 20/05/2018 19:28

Have you looked at how much your dd will be paid? It could be that she would end up in debt paying for her travel plus £200 rent in a month. Apprenticeships are extremely poorly paid.

lifechangesforever · 20/05/2018 19:30

If your child lives at home then you don't charge them rent! I believe it's called 'board' and that's what I paid when I lived at home and worked (which was 18 to 24!) I paid £120 a month and that included my food.

I think £100 a month and paying for her own food is MORE than reasonable and I don't think you should be charging her 'rent', regardless of her friend's situations.

MissCharleyP · 20/05/2018 19:34

titchy just realised, I was paid four-weekly so got 13 pay days a year. I had to move further out from London though when my house share ended, even when I was sharing, I certainly didn’t have much ‘spare’ money at all.

lifechangesforever · 20/05/2018 19:41

Also, if she's always lived there how are your bills going up and up (aside from the general inflation) it sounds like you're saying she causes the rising costs.

Had a read through the thread and I don't think you're being fair to either daughter. The financial implications you are experiencing are due to you living on one salary effectively, they can hardly be responsible for that.

hibbledibble · 20/05/2018 19:50

Yes yabu, she is saving for university, so you don't need to fund her. It is the norm for parents to at least part fund their children at university.

I also think you would be unreasonable to charge your dd £200 a month when she is on an apprenticeship wage. It is unfair to charge her more than her step sister.

Equalityumber · 20/05/2018 20:05

Why do you expect your SDD to make up for your own shortcomings? You need to evaluate your own finances before passing the blame on to an 18 year old...

AskAuntLydia · 20/05/2018 20:13

A salary of £25k pa now would give take home of almost £1700 a month.

No. Just over 1600.

Also, if she's always lived there how are your bills going up and up

Does she mean the income's gone down? Tax credits and child benefit stop at 18. For families who live on a low income, that is a significant hit.

Nanny0gg · 20/05/2018 20:21

So are you going to speak to your DH about him getting a proper job?

user1487194234 · 20/05/2018 20:24

I don't have a SD but would never ask any of my DC to pay 'rent '

Rocinante1 · 20/05/2018 20:27

Look - you have the option of increasing your income by your partner getting an actual job. Being self employed is pointless if you’re not earning a living from it. The first few years, that’s fine because you expect it but after that, if the business is viable then you will earn a living.

You don’t. The business is not viable. Your partner needs to get a job and you need to look for full time hours. Your kids are not there to improve your financial situation. She pays her own food and contributes to the bills. Ask for more if you want it for bills, but not so you can have a better life for a few months until she moves out.

I’ve worked since I was 16, part time around study and then started my own business. It’s successful, but it it wasn’t, I’d have just gone back to working. Why aren’t you both doing that?

I grew up in a very privileged background and my parents bought me a flat when I started uni and paid all the bills for me, so the money I earned from working was saved. That allowed me a huge security net to live off while I built up my business. I understand that most people cannot do that for their children, but surely you should do everything you can to help them and make sacrifices for that. You shouldn’t be trying to get them fund your lifestyle.

mancmummy1414 · 20/05/2018 20:30

I would never take rent off one of my kids - it’s their home whether they are 8, 18 or 48 (tho I seriously hope they’ve moved out by then!!)

bastardkitty · 20/05/2018 20:44

We worked out she will have £80 a week at uni. Which is more than we have spare now. We’ve done all the maths with her and worked out we won’t need to give her anything,

It's not 'spare' money. It's what she will be living on. I think you and your partner both need to get proper jobs. It's not the daughters that need to be contributing more.

AskAuntLydia · 20/05/2018 20:51

I tend to agree that you shouldn't take rent off your adult kids.

But running costs of the house: food, fuel etc.: once they're working in a proper job, of course. I expect them to contribute to the labour of the house, why not the costs?

Unless of course, you are privileged enough to be so well off that the extra expense of having an adult in your house eating the food and using the fuel causes you absolutely no financial issues. In which case, I don't really see why you'd bother, I don't see the point of demonstrating to children that if they lived elsewhere it would cost them more, they know that, that's why they're at home. Grin

SmallBlondeMama · 20/05/2018 21:06

I'm assuming you and your husband work full time. Can you get a part time job? Or somehow earn some extra money on the side? She sounds like a good kid and not sure why she should have to support her parents? If you are living in a house that you can't afford you either need to limit your spending or get a cheaper house.

Idontmeanto · 20/05/2018 21:12

20 and not at uni yet. That’s more than a gap year. Did she piss about when younger and supported by her parents and need to resit? That would test my patience and want her to be contribute a bit more. I’d still want to help her, though.

belleandsnowwhite · 20/05/2018 21:54

If my sister took a gap year she would have been 20 as her birthday is September. She was 19 when she started uni but had no gap year.

eggsandchips · 21/05/2018 08:57

Yes, I think she's doing her part. H needs to get a job.

Sweatymoose · 21/05/2018 11:28

Massively unreasonable. She already pays you board and pays her own bills. She's not pissing her money up the wall, she's saving for uni which is going to be a huge financial strain for her. She's being sensible and saving - most parents, whether biological or not, don't charge rent to children who are saving for uni/their own homes.

That's the point of saving - not spending the money elsewhere. You sound very grabby and almost spiteful.

NutElla5x · 21/05/2018 11:42

Considering she's paying for her own food etc she's giving you plenty already! Charging your adult kids rent is more about teaching them responsibility and not about making profit from them!Your SD sounds responsible enough already and you are just being greedy and hugely unreasonable.