Step DD and Rent

[YellowPansy23]

Currently step DD doesn’t pay rent. She gives us £50-£100 a month, pays her own phone, most of her food, etc... and is saving for uni.

DH says he doesn’t want her paying rent as if we charge her anymore it eats into her savings and we will end up giving her money for uni. So if she saves it instead of giving it to us for rent we are saving ourselves money in the future.

She is a good girl, helps around the house, her bedroom is spotless. She doesn’t stay out late, she’s respectful of our home and we have a good relationship. She is 20.

However I can’t help but feel she should pay more rent! We are not well off, but we have enough money to get by and see the odd film and go on a small holiday once a year. Step DD genuinely saves her money.

She’s off to Uni in September.

So who is BU? Me or DH?

shes respectful of our home ! Since she lives there full time it is also HER home.

You need to count your blessings, she sounds like a lovely girl.

you on the other hand...............

@Askauntlydia. Agreed bit of a shitty comment from that person

Sorry, missed reading a few pages when you backtracked quite a lot. I think talking it over with your OH and the girls is a good idea.

I don’t think I’m horrible to either daughter. I’ve always tried to include BOTH of them. SDD got her choice of room as she moved in with us and was unsettled like I’ve said, we’ve paid her car tax since she was 16 to try and help her out, I buy her and my DD little things. I treat her exactly the same as my DD. We have a good relationship, AFAIK she doesn’t resent or dislike me.

I know I was BU to want to charge SDD more but I don’t think it’s fair to assume I’m a terrible step mum from the five odd posts or so I’ve made regarding my family.

I do love both daughters, I’ve always tried to do my best for them and protect them, but I suppose I can’t protect them anymore financially unless DH starts to pull his weight.

Like I said I won’t be charging her extra. I will have to explain to both DDs that we we may have to downsize, but hopefully step DD will cope with this as I imagine she’ll have her own life at uni and home will be a smaller part of her new world.

Oh my god...what more do you want ? Blood?

I guess it’s the principal of the fact that if it were my biological child, I’d expect a lot more!

I think you really need to think about that. Some parents, absolutely, would demand far more. Many parents ask nothing at all of their children. I suspect the majority are somewhere in the middle - where you are now. Are you going to demand more of your own child when the time comes? Really?

Pays £50-£100 per month, pays for own phone, most of own food, saving to put herself through uni, is respectful and keeps a clean room....this girl is a prize. I think YABU.

Yes because only parents on a wage high enough to contribute, are good parents.

not at all. If you're not on a wage high enough to contribute your dc will get the full loan so no need to contribute.

Do you want to be labelled as the evil stepmother?

She's saving for uni and she's going to need every penny she's saving. She already pays you 'rent' and pays for her own food etc. It doesn't cost you that much to have her there.

September is only a few months away so let her save her cash. It sounds like you and your husband need to earn more money yourselves rather than get your kids to pay for you.

How can you have paid her car tax from the age of 16? Kids can't drive until they're 17, unless they're disabled....

Wow.

Can't help but wonder if there's a back story here OP. It sounds like she's doing everything right.

What kind of apprenticeship pays enough that you have a spare £200 to pay as rent?

Wish people would read the updates from the OP- she clearly says she understands she is being unreasonable and won't be charging more. Ffs.

I lived at home whilst at uni and worked full time. DM didn’t want me to contribute until I had finished my education. We compromised at £100 a month. I already paid for my own phone, car tax, insurance, MOTs etc. Something I will continue with me own son. So whilst I can understand why you think they way you do, I do think YABU.

£200 a month as an apprentice?! Jesus.

Well, if it’s only until September, i’d Let it go. Sounds like she’s paying a fair amount, and i’d Be impressed with her for working so hard and saving.

But if you’re struggling so much to pay bills, how will you cope after she’s left? She’s paying for her own food so you won’t save there. You mentioned council tax, etc - those bills will all remain the same after September!

Sounds like you’re very lucky to have a hard-working, responsible stepdd.

I guess it’s the principal of the fact that if it were my biological child, I’d expect a lot more!
In which case YANBU. But she's not, she's his, so his say unfortunately.
I see your point but cannot see why parents charge lodge when they don't need to. It's her home. Contribute to food yes. But otherwise you'd be paying it anyway.
She'll be gone in 6 mths and is saving money. Not like she's out pissing it up the wall and expecting you to support her.

I'm glad you took on all the advice OP! :)

For ccontext, I never paid rent during my uni years. I qualified for a half grant so my parents gave me the other half. I don't live in the UK so didn't have uni fees, the money was for rent, food etc.
Now hubby and I had to move back in with my parents while waiting for our house purchase to go through. We give them €250 a month, which is what we spent on bills and food before moving in with them, so don't pay rent. We also pay for an extra food shop every now and then, buy nice wine for them etc. They wouldn't be using the room if we weren't there so it doesn't cost them anything to have us here.
I think it would be different if she was finished uni and you would be making money from that room otherwise by renting it out/downsizing, but as is I think it's fair.

Your real problem here is your dh, not your SDD.

Totally unreasonable- my step dd aged 19 works full time and we wouldn't contemplate asking her for anything, it gives her the chance to save which she is doing and will be in a position to buy her own home next year.

Couldn’t agree with swingofthings more. It’s not your DSD’s fault you don’t make enough money, it is you and your DH’s fault that you won’t let go of a business that is financially crippling you. To try and make money out of your DD and DSD is appalling.

How on earth does she have £1200 pm ‘spare’ on minimum wage for an 18 year old? That was my take home pay when I earned a wage of £26k! If you work in a min wage job, you know this (and your rate will be higher). And to ask £200 pm from an apprentice....YABU. A token amount is fine, but not expecting your children to subsidise you as your business isn’t doing well.

£10 an hour x 1600 hours a year = £16000. She'll pay what £2000 a year tax and NI, so £14,000 divided by 12 months = £1,166 take home.

I think making the children of the family pay for poor financial decisions on the adults part is really unfair.

As is £200 a month from an apprentice, just because she's earning while she's learning that means you should get some?

I do think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Rather then trying to get your DD to provide the financial “breathing space” your husband should be getting a proper income/job