Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at being left alone every Sunday

257 replies

acornsandnuts · 20/05/2018 14:47

DH cycles, every fucking Sunday. Leaves at 8 and arrives back between 2 and 4. Dcs are older teens with lives. My friends understandably spend Sunday’s with their family. I’m bored. I’m quite capable of entertaining myself and regularly do without a complaint, but it’s every fucking Sunday plus two evenings a week.

I’m really starting to resent it.

WIBU to ask for one Sunday a month to be cycle free?

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 20/05/2018 15:18

To clarify my previous post, if he spends time doing his hobby but expect you to clean and cook for him whilst he's out, then it's a no.

But in the context of a 50/50 relationship, one day a week and a couple of evenings is really not too much to ask. I couldn't be happy with a man demanding that I spend my Sundays home because he's bored and can't entertain himself. Then we would be bored together, and that relationship wouldn't last.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2018 15:19

Honestly op, if when you're with him, you come across as you're coming across on this thread (not well), he's not going to want to have lunch with you. Wave him off to his hobby, do yours, enjoy it, then both go out for a boost dinner together.

Original poster
acornsandnuts · 20/05/2018 15:19

If you never spend any time together, then you have a different problem. If his hobby prevents him from accepting any invitation or plans on Sundays ever, then it's a bit much.

It also very much impacts a Saturday night as he won’t accept any invitations. I will and do go alone.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 20/05/2018 15:22

It is not unreasonable to want to spend the occasional Sunday with your life partner. Every Sunday - yes that would unreasonable, but asking for every now and then?

The OP is asking for crumbs not the whole cake.

AmazingPostVoices · 20/05/2018 15:22

My DH cycles. Saturday and Sunday and two nights a week so I understand where you are coming from.

However, he leaves at 6am both weekend days and is back by lunchtime so that we still have family time together.

He gets 6-7 hours cycling in and we still see him.

I would not find it acceptable for him to not arrive back until late afternoon other than very occasionally if he had an event for example.

Why not suggest he organises an early morning cycle for club members? I’m sure there would be interest from people with families.

hoopyloop2016 · 20/05/2018 15:23

Why don't you go with him?
If you never get time together I can undersand the frustration. Chores don't need doing every Saturday. Jsut do bits in the evening. Plan a weekend a way for a few weeks time the two off you if you are able too. Have a big talk and explain you want more time with him. But you also need to understand he needs his hobby too.

TatianaLarina · 20/05/2018 15:23

The point is you’re more focused on your DH than you are on your hobbies. It sounds like they’re mild interests you use to pass time when you not with him rather than real passions.

If I had every Sunday free it would give me freedom to do all kinds of interesting things.

RJnomore1 · 20/05/2018 15:24

There's some spectacular point missing on this thread.

If YOU would love it, great for you. OP doesn't. I sympathise; my dh has worked practically every weekend for the last 8 years. He does at least have the ability to move hours so we can do things sometimes.

I'm very self sufficient. I have lots of friends and hobbies. I still get annoyed about missing that spontaneous couple time, choosing to wander off together to lunch and a drink or see a film from time to time. But he's working to support us; if it was his choice to spend every Sunday away for fun I'd be seriously considering what value he placed on our relationship.

If you work mon to fri then you need a day if the weekend to do needed things and a day to have fun. And it's not wrong to want to spend some if those fundays with your life partner. Otherwise what's the point of having one?

CharltonLido73 · 20/05/2018 15:25

Every Sunday with no exceptions seems a bit much. Does the club not do runs out on a Saturday morning? My husband always used to cycle with his club on a Saturday - but would go out earlier (7.15am) and would be back by 1pm - 2pm at the latest. I always used to have to go and sort out my elderly disabled mother, so it didn't bother me so much. Now he is working part-time, winding down to retirement, so can go out in the week - so less cycling at the weekend (although he is often working at the weekend, so I've not gained anything there really).
I think it is fair that your DH has some cycling time, but it should not wipe out each and every Sunday.

Thewhale2903 · 20/05/2018 15:26

I get the same with mine with football, 2 nights a week and every Saturday all day 10 till 6 and we do have young children. It's so annoying!

moofolk · 20/05/2018 15:27

My DP is out every Sunday too. But my three kids definitely don't have lives of their own that they go off and do.

I would love some quiet time

TrippingTheVelvet · 20/05/2018 15:28

I think the time on the Saturday could be better used. Surely 1-2 hours between you is enough to sort the house and swap the in laws visit to Sunday evening?

CharltonLido73 · 20/05/2018 15:28

It also very much impacts a Saturday night as he won’t accept any invitations. I will and do go alone.

I think that is completely unreasonable on his part.

GalwayWayfarer · 20/05/2018 15:28

Not UR at all to be asking for one day a month! And I'm Hmm at PPs suggesting that you should do all the fun stuff on Saturdays and let him have his Sundays to himself. They must all have chore fairies getting the work done...

I think you should say to him that you don't think it's fair that he's never available and that one Sunday a month should be for you and him.

TonTonMacoute · 20/05/2018 15:30

YANBU to want one Sunday per month to do things together, (especially if it’s a booze lunch).

Have you asked for this and he’s refused? I’m a bit confused.

TheFatkinsDiet · 20/05/2018 15:30

I don’t think it’s u of you to want this, but it’s ridiculous you should even have to ask AngrySad. I don’t know what to suggest as I’d find this quite hurtful. I know you have your own hobbies etc and can entertain yourself, but it’s not really the point. I’m not one of ‘those people’ who can’t do anything without my OH, but to never do anything nice together as a couple, when you are able to, (not working 7 days a week or weird shift patterns), kind of negates the point of being part of a couple.

Deathraystare · 20/05/2018 15:30

Well that Sunday is mumsnet day/and/or painting nails (not fence!)/watching crap on tv/eating what YOU want /having a long soak (if you have a bath).

TotHappy · 20/05/2018 15:31

Yeah, i dont see why people are calling you needy and i dont think you're coming across badly. I would hate what you're describing too. I love alone time,but if there's no spontaneity, if his cycling plans are fixed and everything has to bend to it (including sat nights! Ffs) then he's prioritising it over you. Maybe he just doesn't see it but he is. Have you asked him for the one weekend a month? I think that's more than reasonable. If you have, what did he say?

Fwiw, I also agree that you need one day of getting-stuff -done and one of relaxing/fun at the weekend. I dont understand the chores in the evening thing, you need to do half hour top ups and then still do chores on Saturday. Unless maybe you have a cleaner? It's it that the whole of one weekend day is taken up with errands, but it's 'bitty' so you can't really organise other stuff/be spontaneous/ relax.

AmazingPostVoices · 20/05/2018 15:31

I can only assume that those saying “go with him” are either super fit cyclists themselves or don’t really get this type of cycling.

My DH cycles over 100 miles every Saturday and Sunday morning. At really fast speeds.

I’m fit but I couldn’t hope to keep up. It’s like suggesting that someone joins in marathon training with their DH for fun.

Apart from anything else, Strava is God to these types of cyclists, there are KOMs to be won people and times to be beaten. Grin

Ryder63 · 20/05/2018 15:31

I've seen a quite a few threads where the OP is pissed off with the DP/DH doing a sport or hobby which takes up most of their free time. These men seldom want to compromise. As a pp said - what is the point of a life partner if you can't do fun stuff together?

swingofthings · 20/05/2018 15:31

you don’t have a cycling DH do you? He would not be thrilled. And I actually don’t see why I should bend to fit in to his life.
I do and he does love going cycling with me. I took it on having not been on a bike since I was a kid. It was hard work to start with, but I got stronger. Of course I don't go out with his cycling friends, but he does enjoy us going together at times. We've done a few cycling events together and although it wasn't a challenge at all for him (My God was it for me!), I could tell he was proud and loved us doing it together. I also have done some events with girlfriends without him but he's been there cheering me at the end.

You sound extremely bitter and resentful, with that attitude, you are most likely only making him want to go out with his friends even more.

CandiedPeach · 20/05/2018 15:32

I have hobbies and enjoy time to myself. But absolutely couldn’t put up with a partner who had to do their hobby on the same day at the same time every week without compromise. My ex had a few hobbies and one which earned him a fair bit of extra money, but he’d happily swap and change or miss sessions to spend time together and it was nothing to do with me needing him for my entertainment.

What if family events are on a Sunday? Or you’re invited to a bbq or lunch with friends?

I really don’t think one Sunday a month is too much to ask at all, Op.

swingofthings · 20/05/2018 15:32

By the way, my OH was out all yesterday until 4pm, and again right at this moment, but we went for a lovely walk last night and will be doing so again later this afternoon.

CharltonLido73 · 20/05/2018 15:33

I'm very sympathetic to the OP as mine has just spent a week cycling in Majorca, came back last night and has gone to Wembley for football today, so yet another Sunday home alone for me, too.

Furano · 20/05/2018 15:33

I don’t think it’s U to want to spend skme weekend relaxing and fun time with the person you love.

He’s basically saying he enjoyed his bike more than he enjoys you.