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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at being left alone every Sunday

257 replies

acornsandnuts · 20/05/2018 14:47

DH cycles, every fucking Sunday. Leaves at 8 and arrives back between 2 and 4. Dcs are older teens with lives. My friends understandably spend Sunday’s with their family. I’m bored. I’m quite capable of entertaining myself and regularly do without a complaint, but it’s every fucking Sunday plus two evenings a week.

I’m really starting to resent it.

WIBU to ask for one Sunday a month to be cycle free?

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 20/05/2018 15:07

Can't he visit his parents by himself one evening in the week?
Then you could do chores together Saturday morning and have a boozy lunch after.

Weezol · 20/05/2018 15:07

Suggest that the first Sunday of the month (or whichever suits you) is when the two of you go out for lunch then on to a film, a walk, go swimming or whatever.

It's much harder for him to say no to a plan with a fixed point - First Sunday of the month is lunch together followed by time together. Don't accept a compromise of eating out Sunday evening, because he'll think it's still okay to go out on the bike during the day.

13 Sundays a year is not a big ask.

sockunicorn · 20/05/2018 15:07

I would love this!!

However no, one a month with him at home is not asking too much at all xx

LiveLifeWithPassion · 20/05/2018 15:08

Often, people who do this kind of hobby are pretty rigid about it.
That’s probably enough to annoy anyone.

Some great ideas here on how you could rearrange your time. It’s not worth getting upset over. Just see if you can find a way to do something you want to do too.

LittleMermaidRose · 20/05/2018 15:09

Chores - do half an hour each evening after work. Won't take long plus then you'll have your Saturdays back. You can also give your older kids some chores too!

Saturdays - visit his parents in the morning for an hour or two then spend the rest of the day together/with kids.

Sundays - let him have his bike days since he really seems to love it. If you both agree that he'll be back by 2pm, you can both spend the rest of the day together having a late boozy lunch etc :)

Or..

Why not get a bike and go along with him? I understand you might not be able to cycle as much as he does (I certainly couldn't) but I bet he would be thrilled at you coming along with him. You could cycle along the beach, stopping for a picnic. You don't have to go far. But then it's a win win for you both.

Original poster
acornsandnuts · 20/05/2018 15:09

weezol. I have suggested this in the past and we organise something then he says he will just go out for couple of hours while I sort the dogs then gets ‘caught up’ and it’s late afternoon again.

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 20/05/2018 15:10

I think it's a shame if an adult can't have a free day to do what they want one day a week! You can't when you have young kids that need you, but apart from that, why is it too much to ask to have a free day a week.

Astrid2 · 20/05/2018 15:10

I love having time to myself. I'd have a lie in, a relaxing posh breakfast then get some cleaning done and catch up on my tv shows! You have every other evening, all Saturday and Sunday afternoon together.

brizzledrizzle · 20/05/2018 15:10

You wouldn't be unreasonable, no. However I'd find myself a hobby and make the most of the time.

Original poster
acornsandnuts · 20/05/2018 15:11

Why not get a bike and go along with him? I understand you might not be able to cycle as much as he does (I certainly couldn't) but I bet he would be thrilled at you coming along with him. You could cycle along the beach, stopping for a picnic. You don't have to go far. But then it's a win win for you both. you don’t have a cycling DH do you? He would not be thrilled. And I actually don’t see why I should bend to fit in to his life.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 20/05/2018 15:11

I'd love to be in your husband's position and my DP would probably feel like you do. I think once a month is a perfectly reasonable compromise for both.

Good on you for not doing all the chores by yourself!

Original poster
acornsandnuts · 20/05/2018 15:12

I HAVE A HOBBY. A few actually. Totally not the point.

OP posts:
missmouse101 · 20/05/2018 15:12

I would absolutely love this, peaceful house all to myself.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 20/05/2018 15:12

I'd keep visiting his parents on "his" day to free the Saturday for the 2 of you.

Sirzy · 20/05/2018 15:12

And I actually don’t see why I should bend to fit in to his life.

But isn’t that what you are expecting? Him to bend to fit into your life.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2018 15:13

Yabu.
I think it's wrong to rely on someone else to entertain you. That's not his responsibility. Yes, if he was spending all his free time not with you, you could question what's the point, but you still have all day Saturday together, 3 week day nights out of five, and Sunday's from 4pm. So, most of his free time he already spends with you.

fifipop185 · 20/05/2018 15:13

YANBU but as pp's have said, I'd wave him off at 8am and by 8:01 be on my way to the nearest gym, and then off somewhere nice for lunch with my book. Bliss!

amazana · 20/05/2018 15:14

OP, my DH is the same and Im left at home supervising homework for three kids (aged 10 to 15). Plus he expects something along the lines of a Sunday dinner on his return, not to mention me making him a protein breakfast before he goes. I'm discussing all this and more in counselling at the moment.

He also has a lot more hobbies and some of them are very dangerous. Right now he's doing martial arts having been out on the bike training this morning. Next week, he's going away for a week on the bike.

In your case, I think you need to tell him you want one Sunday per month. Will he listen though? It's worse in the nice weather when you would like to get out and about. Maybe not such an issue in winter though?

TatianaLarina · 20/05/2018 15:14

If you already have hobbies then you don’t need to search for them. Altho you don’t mention any...

You have Saturday to spend with him doing the things you’d like to do on Sunday.

I’d hate to have a partner this dependent on my company for their entertainment.

swingofthings · 20/05/2018 15:14

ha ha, wonder if you are the wife of one of my OH's cyclist friends! He tells me that some of them have wives who really give them a hard time and they feel quite resentful about it.

I'm delighted my OH has as an activity that makes him happy and keeps him fit. I have my own too and enjoy these. It is true that it takes a lot of our time away, so when it does, we remember to make time with each other. It sounds like you could do things on Saturdays together, or even later on Sundays, which in the summer can be lovely.

If you let that resentment get to you, you'll only push him further away from you because ultimately, the way he will see it is that cycling makes him happy whereas all you do is give him grief.

Weezol · 20/05/2018 15:15

Is this a deal breaker for you?

If it is, tell him. Ask him if he realises that your marriage is at risk over this - he can't put you first for a few hours 13 times a year?

Apologies if I appear terse, but I'm angry on your behalf.

Icklepickle101 · 20/05/2018 15:15

DP does long distance triathlons so every Sunday he is swimming/running/cycling.

We have come to the agreement the last weekend of the month he spends with me and we have a lay in, go for brunch etc

The other sundays I do housework and batch cooking/baking normally. If you don’t enjoy cooking that would obviously be a shit deal for you but it passes the time and saves time in the week so we spend more time in the evenings in the week together

brizzledrizzle · 20/05/2018 15:15

@Acornsandnuts I HAVE A HOBBY. A few actually. Totally not the point.

Calm down eh love? Spend the time doing them then and be a bit less needy.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 20/05/2018 15:15

I HAVE A HOBBY. A few actually. Totally not the point.

it is the point. You have your own, he has his, and if he doesn't disappear the entire weekend but a few hours on Sunday, he sounds perfectly reasonable.

If you never spend any time together, then you have a different problem. If his hobby prevents him from accepting any invitation or plans on Sundays ever, then it's a bit much.

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/05/2018 15:17

Could you do your own thing on a Sunday, but have every Sunday evening where you go out for dinner?