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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious at bf’s brother and bf

245 replies

Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 07:59

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him £25 yesterday and seen this morning on Facebook that he went to the cinema last night on a going nowhere date. Wtf? Why ask to borrow money and then go somewhere expensive like the cinema? I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me. I am now sat in the garden to get away from him shouting and trying to enjoy the sunshine but it hasn’t reached the garden yet.

AIBU to think If you ask to borrow money from someone you don’t then just waste the money on things you don’t need? I assumed his brother was in a desperate situation when he asked. I am furious not that he borrowed his brother money but that brother then went out and watched a film at the cinema needlessly hoping for a shag I asked bf when he expected to get the money back and he said He doesn’t know. I think he is an absolute pushover and an easy target for his brother to keep asking him all the time. I would have told him no and to fuck off!

Not pushing it further but that is 25 pound that he probably won’t get back now. After a nice day yesterday watching the RW it has since been ruined by this mornings antics. Have posted about him before and was told BU last time but brother is a SCFS (super cheeky fucker scrounger). Should I raise the point of ensuring the money is paid back or just drop it even though I’m fuming about it?

OP posts:
myusernamewastakenbyme · 20/05/2018 09:52

I dont understand how people get borrow and lend mixed up....its not difficult ffs.

FoodGloriousFud · 20/05/2018 09:53

You sound dreadful and like you're intentionally trying to cause tension between your bf and his brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my sister and my dh supports that as she's family. Do you have a disfunctional family yourself?

boilerhouse2007 · 20/05/2018 09:54

''I say this in all kindness. You sound very angry about something. You need to try and get a handle on what it is that is making you so angry and aggressive and try to get some help to deal with it.''

yes the fact that her bf's brother is being a leach all the time and taking advantage. Clearly you have no experience of such ppl or are just very tolerant.

MumofBoysx2 · 20/05/2018 09:56

Is all this arguing and falling out really worth it? It's only £25, just drop it - maybe it was an important date.

FuckPants · 20/05/2018 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CaptainNancyoftheAmazon · 20/05/2018 10:02

On the surface I agree with everyone else but, if theres something deeper going on then

  1. facing up to unhealthy family relationships is hard. If the brothers borrowing is impacting your joint finances, find a way to limit that but if it only affects yor boyfriend back off and let him deal in his own time (if ever). If you push it, it means he cant turn to you for support.

  2. mornings of verbal abuse / having to hide in the garden to avoid being shouted at are not normal. Is it only on this issue?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/05/2018 10:04

In fairness to the op, some dialects do use borrow when they mean lend. But it’s usually spoken, not written.

pictish · 20/05/2018 10:05

I think you need to stop interfering in and trying to control your bf’s relationship with his brother. It’s really not for you to dictate.
His brother was there long before you and if you continue down this path of trying to dictate, he’ll be there long after you as well.

You might not like it, but their dynamic is their business. There will be subtleties involved of which you know nothing. Such is the nature of close relationships.
You have made your opinion on it known now so your part in it is over.
You are not his mother, his boss or his guide. He knows what you think and has taken the adult and knowing decision to continue to relate to his brother according to his own perception of the relationship, which he has every right to do.

Back off grabbing his phone or gesticulating or any of that shit. You’re a pain in the backside.

gamerwidow · 20/05/2018 10:10

What makes it worse is you know you’re wrong but you’re going to sit there in a mood all day before you apologise to punish your partner. It’s a nasty passive aggressive way to behave and to be honest your BF would do well to get rid of you.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 10:14

Yea it's passive aggressive and downright abusive to be sitting there knowing you're wrong but refusing to apologise. You're intent on punishing your bf further for not doing what you tell him.
Really really shitty behaviour op. Get it together.

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 10:14

Captain - they don't share finances and OP has clarified on his other thread that his partner isn't abusive but gets really pissed off with the OP trying to tell him what he can and can't do with his own money and his family.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 10:15

Oops crosspost @gamerwidow

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 10:16

So the OP takes himself off to have a sulk and not talk to anyone.

Therealjudgejudy · 20/05/2018 10:16

OP, are you 12?

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/05/2018 10:19

If you lend you give, if you borrow you take.

DrinkYourGreenTea · 20/05/2018 10:22

You are massively overreacting.

If your boyfriend chooses to give his brother £25, that’s up to him. £25 isn’t a massive amount and your boyfriend probably just wanted to give it to his brother.

postcardsfrom · 20/05/2018 10:36

I’d take your big beak out of it as it’s nothing to do with you. If a friend ask to borrow money off me and I could afford it I would give t to them, I wouldn’t ask what it was for or be p’d off that they went to the cinema with it.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 20/05/2018 10:39

Not your money OP, not your business. I do not understand what this guy see's in you tbf, this is the second time you've massively overreacted to him lending his brother money.

Glumglowworm · 20/05/2018 10:40

You sound thoroughly unpleasant, petty and spiteful

He’s your boyfriend, not your partner or husband so not financially tied to you. So what he does with his money is his business not yours.

If the brother lied and said he needed money for food, you might have a point. He didn’t. He asked to borrow money. Your boyfriend was happy to lend it.

There was no need for you to have a massive strop, and even now you’re still sulking and refusing to apologise. Are you actually 6 years old?

You really need to look at how you’re treating your boyfriend because I’m amazed he’s stuck around this long.

notapizzaeater · 20/05/2018 10:43

Why wait till later, everyone thinks you're being unreasonable- why ruin the whole day ?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/05/2018 10:44

Bloody hell lay off her, will you.
She's already admitted she's being unreasonable.

MeMyShelfandIkea · 20/05/2018 10:45

Maybe OP thinks "now" and "later" also mean the same thing.

crunchtime · 20/05/2018 10:53

borrowing some cash off your brother so you can take a girl out is exactly the kind of things brothers do isn't it?

he's your boyfriend not your husband. His money is nothing to do with you.
I can't believe he hasn't sent you packing tbh

pudcat · 20/05/2018 11:01

Twice you have complained about your bf lending money to his brother. This time your actions in ending the call were much worse than when your bf lent his brother £20. So what will you do next time he lends him some money? I dread to think. If your bf had done this to you we would all be telling you to leave him before his actions led to violence.

DistanceCall · 20/05/2018 11:09

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him £25 yesterday

It's "lend".

and seen this morning on Facebook that he went to the cinema last night on a going nowhere date.

Who the fuck are you to judge whether his dates are worthwhile or not?

Wtf? Why ask to borrow money and then go somewhere expensive like the cinema?

Perhaps because he actually wanted to take a girl he liked to the cinema?

I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me.

Let me get this straight: you got angry because your BF lent money to his brother and his brother did something with the money you don't approve of. And you wanted your BF to post something passive-aggressive about his own brother on Facebook as a reaction.

And you also snatched your BF's phone away when he was talking to his brother.

God, you're a nasty, controlling piece of work, aren't you? I hope your BF sees the light finally and leaves you.