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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at bf’s brother and bf

245 replies

Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 07:59

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him £25 yesterday and seen this morning on Facebook that he went to the cinema last night on a going nowhere date. Wtf? Why ask to borrow money and then go somewhere expensive like the cinema? I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me. I am now sat in the garden to get away from him shouting and trying to enjoy the sunshine but it hasn’t reached the garden yet.

AIBU to think If you ask to borrow money from someone you don’t then just waste the money on things you don’t need? I assumed his brother was in a desperate situation when he asked. I am furious not that he borrowed his brother money but that brother then went out and watched a film at the cinema needlessly hoping for a shag I asked bf when he expected to get the money back and he said He doesn’t know. I think he is an absolute pushover and an easy target for his brother to keep asking him all the time. I would have told him no and to fuck off!

Not pushing it further but that is 25 pound that he probably won’t get back now. After a nice day yesterday watching the RW it has since been ruined by this mornings antics. Have posted about him before and was told BU last time but brother is a SCFS (super cheeky fucker scrounger). Should I raise the point of ensuring the money is paid back or just drop it even though I’m fuming about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 09:21

What Is the difference between lend and borrow? They both mean the same things but people keep highlighting it as an argument against me. And No I am not jealous of the brother?! I like him!

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 20/05/2018 09:21

So, let me get this straight, you're letting this non-event spoil the lovely weekend you were having? Ok then...each to their own, I suppose Confused

It's only £25, not even your own £25 at that. Let it go, you're making yourself sound unhinged.

JavaJava · 20/05/2018 09:22

"On your *boyfriend" that should have read. Obviously.

JavaJava · 20/05/2018 09:23

You lend TO someone.
You borrow FROM someone.

Snewname · 20/05/2018 09:24

I can understand if it's a long pattern of him taking advantage of your bf and never paying him back, but tbh you seem to be taking advantage of the fact that your bf is such a softie too.
Poor bloke, he's being pulled in all directions. I hope he manages to stand up to you both and do what he wants to do.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 09:25

You know what..I get it. You feel his brother is taking advantage and scrounging, it's difficult watching someone you care about being used.
Your bf clearly cares a lot for his brother, who iirc was not very well off financially and a bit irresponsible.
It's also difficult to just cut off a family member who needs your help, even if they are being silly and wasting money. He's only going to the cinema though, not shooting up heroine, massive overreaction.
Cut your bf some slack, back off. He's caught between a rock and a hard place wanting to help his brother and you giving him hell for it.
He probably does feel used and you pointing it out and making him ashamed of it won't help.
You can't control this situation because what you're asking him to do is choose between making you happy and helping his brother!
Just stop.

rainbowstardrops · 20/05/2018 09:26

Lend and borrow are not the same thing. Opposites in fact

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 09:27

Oh, and lots of us DID know it was the same OP as last night

I didn’t make a thread last night so don’t even know what youre talking about there

OP posts:
Noboozeforme · 20/05/2018 09:27

I agree with a PP. You sound abusive OP.

gamerwidow · 20/05/2018 09:28

You’re going to get the same response as you did on the last thread. IT’S NOT YOUR MONEY.
Unless you are in desperate financial circumstances your BF can lend his brother money for whatever purposes he sees fit. Your BIL could be taking it and setting it on fire and it still wouldn’t have anything to do with you.
As for posting something sarky on FB, thank god one of you is grown up enough to see that for the childish stupid behaviour that is.
You need to stop this before it destroys your relationship. If I was your BF I’d be getting pretty sick of your controlling diva like behaviour by now.

gamerwidow · 20/05/2018 09:30

It was immediately obvious to me that you were the phone snatching poster because honestly your behaviour about his brother and money is so weird it was easy to link the two together.

Lacucuracha · 20/05/2018 09:31

You didn’t know that but yes it is and I know I was in the wrong then now and seemingly wrong about this and misjudged it too. I don’t think I’m explaining the situation properly for people to not realise he’s being taken advantage of

What is the point of this repeat thread, OP? You are coming off as an attention seeker.

ChinwagCharlieBear · 20/05/2018 09:35

YABU.
It's your boyfriends money and if he wants to lend it to his brother you shouldn't try to embarrass him. You don't know what his brother said, he could have said I have a date tonight can I lend some money for the cinema.

I understand that it's frustrating if he is a pushover in different ways and you feel people take advantage of him but let this one go.

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 09:36

That was an autocorrect. I meant last time.

This one www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3209972-I-know-I-was-unreasonable-but-given-this-don-t-I-have-the-right-to-be

DGRossetti · 20/05/2018 09:42

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him

got as far as that and just lost myself thinking "clearly OP is going to have to learn BF a lesson ...."

HomeisbytheBay · 20/05/2018 09:42

Hi OP

You're getting a very hard time here! Whilst I don't think you want about things the right way, I can see where you're coming from.

Do you live together? I can see how it gets annoying if he's constantly 'borrowing' money and not repaying. £25 is a lot to some people especially if it's a regular occurrence.

If this was a one off and the brother had found himself short then that shouldn't be a problem. But when someone knows they can't afford something, they shouldn't go making plans hoping to borrow money off someone else with no intention of paying back.

I have a BIL like this, he has no job and is always asking X Y Z to borrow him money. He's always on fb sharing pics of meals out and get aways Hmm If your BF's DB is like my BIL, then I can see where you're coming from!

pigsDOfly · 20/05/2018 09:43

If you feel that your bf is being taken advantage of OP and you are concerned about it you need to approach it in a different manner.

Most caring people would try to talk to their bf in a sensible, caring manner. They wouldn't go around snatching phones off him in the middle of conversations and having silly childish sulks about it, claiming their day had been ruined.

The money your bf is lending his brother is not about you, it's nothing to do with you because it's not your money. And what exactly would you approve of the money being spent on?

No one is ruining the day except you with your attention seeking childish antics.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 09:44

Yes that is my other thread in on this subject Sherlock Holmes Hmm I don’t know why you and others are bringing it up when I addressed it in the OP. But I accept I’m BU again and will enjoy the sun and say sorry (much later).

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/05/2018 09:46

You want to shame his brother on Facebook for borrowing £25 from your BF. I am sorry but that is a very aggressive reaction. As people have said its a very small amount. Your BFs money etc...get this into perspective. Save your energies for the big/important issues. If you fight over every tiny thing, you will wear each other out.
I say this in all kindness. You sound very angry about something. You need to try and get a handle on what it is that is making you so angry and aggressive and try to get some help to deal with it.
You had a nice day yesterday and now you are fighting over £25. What will you do when something important happens.. You can keep taking it up a level if you are already at full volume. Think about the person you would like to be, how you would like to handle these situations and find someone to talk to about it.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/05/2018 09:47

£25, that's a cheap date. Grin.

FuckPants · 20/05/2018 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 09:48

That's the point, you don't need to be Sherlock Holmes. It was obviously you and that's why several people said it. I don't know why you bothered name changing to post an almost identical thread.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 09:51

@FuckPants

You're a petulant twat.

Sure you’re nice too

Why don't you apologise sooner?

None of you business really, is it?

OP posts:
boilerhouse2007 · 20/05/2018 09:52

''I have a BIL like this, he has no job and is always asking X Y Z to borrow him money. He's always on fb sharing pics of meals out and get aways hmm If your BF's DB is like my BIL, then I can see where you're coming from!''

This, people here are being very hypocritical and taking this out of context. If they too had a leach like that around them or their dp constantly then yes it becomes very annoying. I see where the op is coming from.

happypoobum · 20/05/2018 09:52

You sound abusive and controlling. Did you have a shit childhood?

I would recommend some counselling for you to try to work out why you behave the way you do.

Your behaviour is obviously causing you unhappiness so if you want things to change then it's up to you to address your issues.

If you don't ,then I hope your BF finds the strength to leave.