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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at bf’s brother and bf

245 replies

Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 07:59

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him £25 yesterday and seen this morning on Facebook that he went to the cinema last night on a going nowhere date. Wtf? Why ask to borrow money and then go somewhere expensive like the cinema? I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me. I am now sat in the garden to get away from him shouting and trying to enjoy the sunshine but it hasn’t reached the garden yet.

AIBU to think If you ask to borrow money from someone you don’t then just waste the money on things you don’t need? I assumed his brother was in a desperate situation when he asked. I am furious not that he borrowed his brother money but that brother then went out and watched a film at the cinema needlessly hoping for a shag I asked bf when he expected to get the money back and he said He doesn’t know. I think he is an absolute pushover and an easy target for his brother to keep asking him all the time. I would have told him no and to fuck off!

Not pushing it further but that is 25 pound that he probably won’t get back now. After a nice day yesterday watching the RW it has since been ruined by this mornings antics. Have posted about him before and was told BU last time but brother is a SCFS (super cheeky fucker scrounger). Should I raise the point of ensuring the money is paid back or just drop it even though I’m fuming about it?

OP posts:
Sammyham · 20/05/2018 16:08

Sounds like you have a bit of a crush on the brother...

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/05/2018 16:10

You wanted to post a sarcastic comment on FB to publicly shame your boyfriend's brother. That's not a joke, because it's not funny. It's nasty and certainly not something you do to people you claim to love OP.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 16:11

Sounds like you have a bit of a crush on the brother...

🙄 erm no nothing can be further from the truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 16:12

DioneTheDiabolist

I wouldn’t have actually done I! It was just something I said. If he had said he was posting it I would have told him no.

OP posts:
daffodillament · 20/05/2018 16:13

You're a bit crazy aren't you Op ? Grin

Storminateapot · 20/05/2018 16:16

You never answer the question - do you live with your boyfriend?

If you do I can see that his brother showing up to stay in your shared home without asking would be annoying. If you don't and you just stay over there yourself what business is it of yours who your bf has to stay in his own home?

He is only staying with 'us' if you live there too. Otherwise you don't get to dictate who stays there.

You do seem to have a very deep-seated need to have your boyfriend do things your way and in accordance with your approval. You aren't his boss or his Dad. He's (presumably) a grown man with his own thoughts & opinions - stop trying to control him and bend him to your will if you love him or you will lose him.

SilverySurfer · 20/05/2018 16:21

To simplify for you OP:

If your boyfriend wishes to LEND not borrow money to his DB IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Whatever the reason for the DB BORROWING not lending the money from your boy friend IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

HTH

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/05/2018 16:22

It was something that you said that caused a big argument with your DP. It wasn't funny, therefore it wasn't a joke.

What is your problem with your boyfriend? Why do you keep using his brother to start arguements with him? Can't you think of a better way for you to spend your weekends together?

poddige · 20/05/2018 16:23

Are you always such hard work OP?

TheIcon · 20/05/2018 16:27

OP, I assume you believe there is no difference between birth and death?

BlueEyedPersephone · 20/05/2018 16:27

People may be able to understand the full situation if you answer some simple questions, do you live with your boyfriend? did the money come from a joint finance pot?. Depending on your answers people will be able to form a better viewpoint!

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 16:27

I’m not starting an argument with him! Just every time he comes Round or calls it’s like oh hey can I borrow twenty quid drives me up the wall!

OP posts:
jamoncrumpets · 20/05/2018 16:28

Hi OP! Ex English teacher here!

You don't 'borrow' somebody money. You lend it to them. It's not the same. If you wrote 'I asked him to borrow me £25' in your English GCSE you would be marked down.

The person giving the money LENDS it.
The person receiving the money BORROWS it.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 16:30

I do live with my boyfriend and no it’s not from a jointed financial pot but that doesn’t mean I can allow him to get him taken advantage of from his own brother

OP posts:
jamoncrumpets · 20/05/2018 16:30

Grammatically sound options would be:

'He asked to borrow £25 from his brother'
'He asked his brother to lend him £25'

The brother is BORROWING, your BF is LENDING.

Emma198 · 20/05/2018 16:33

😂😂😂 I can't believe that you're still arguing that lend and borrow is the same thing. You're beyond help.

TheIcon · 20/05/2018 16:34

It's "by" his own brother, not "from". Regardless though, your English is excellent considering it's your second language.

BlueEyedPersephone · 20/05/2018 16:35

In which case, if he keeps staying over then that is something you can debate, if your bf borrows from you because he lends money elsewhere and does not get it back, once again you can have an opinion. If your bf lends his own money and he is happy doing so and it does not impact your lifestyle e.g, welly house food and bills are still paid, then you need to respect your boyfriend and let him manage his own relationship with his brother, no matter what you think of it.

BlueEyedPersephone · 20/05/2018 16:37

Sorry joint not welly😂

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 16:38

Allow him??? Are you serious? It's not your place to allow or forbid anything he does LOL your lack of self awareness is fucking staggering.

category12 · 20/05/2018 16:40

no it’s not from a jointed financial pot - then you're unreasonable.

It's not being taken advantage of, it's a choice by your bf. It's his money and unless that £25 meant your bf couldn't pay his way, it's none of your business.

I can see why brother rolling up to crash at your place together is annoying, and you have some grounds to ask for more notice/less of it - but presumably you would like your family or friends to be welcome in your home, so it's only fair his are too.

Sparklesocks · 20/05/2018 16:51

Did you post about a similar incident before?

Nanny0gg · 20/05/2018 16:53

It's got nothing to do with you!!

At all. Ever. Unless you get married and have joint finances.

Till then,

It's got nothing to do with you!!

Clear?

happypoobum · 20/05/2018 16:55

that doesn’t mean I can allow him to get him taken advantage of from his own brother

OP, your use of the word "allow" is quite chilling.

Can you really not understand that it isn't up to you to "allow" your boyfriend to do or not do things that do not affect you? This is what is causing your issues.

Dancingmonkey87 · 20/05/2018 16:58

You’re being ridiculous it’s not like he’s asking for hundreds of pounds is it.. your in real danger of being dumped due to your resentment of his brother.