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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at bf’s brother and bf

245 replies

Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 07:59

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him £25 yesterday and seen this morning on Facebook that he went to the cinema last night on a going nowhere date. Wtf? Why ask to borrow money and then go somewhere expensive like the cinema? I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me. I am now sat in the garden to get away from him shouting and trying to enjoy the sunshine but it hasn’t reached the garden yet.

AIBU to think If you ask to borrow money from someone you don’t then just waste the money on things you don’t need? I assumed his brother was in a desperate situation when he asked. I am furious not that he borrowed his brother money but that brother then went out and watched a film at the cinema needlessly hoping for a shag I asked bf when he expected to get the money back and he said He doesn’t know. I think he is an absolute pushover and an easy target for his brother to keep asking him all the time. I would have told him no and to fuck off!

Not pushing it further but that is 25 pound that he probably won’t get back now. After a nice day yesterday watching the RW it has since been ruined by this mornings antics. Have posted about him before and was told BU last time but brother is a SCFS (super cheeky fucker scrounger). Should I raise the point of ensuring the money is paid back or just drop it even though I’m fuming about it?

OP posts:
NotACleverName · 20/05/2018 11:09

Pull on your big girl pants and go and apologise now.

FuckPants · 20/05/2018 11:09

*Bloody hell lay off her, will you.
She's already admitted she's being unreasonable.

Not that it matters but the OP is a bloke.

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 11:10

OP is a man in a same sex relationship.

MorningsEleven · 20/05/2018 11:13

@FuckPants
You're not wrong.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 11:14

can everyone stop bringing up the snatching of the phone from the other thread completely I have apologised for that and do not do it anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 11:17

I’m wrong and know I am now and will say sorry

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 20/05/2018 11:18

can everyone stop bringing up the snatching of the phone from the other thread completely I have apologised for that and do not do it anymore

Yes, well, it doesn't look like you understand the underlying rationale - you don't get to control other people.

If you think your BF is being taken advantage of by his brother, you sit down and talk to him. If your BF wants to keep giving money to his brother, or doesn't feel that he's being taken advantage of, you lay off.

It's not your money. It's not your brother. It's not your relationship. You can leave if you want, if you find the situation intolerable. But YOU CAN'T INTERFERE.

Cynara · 20/05/2018 11:22

I remember your last thread, on which you were told by every single poster that you gave no right to interfere in your boyfriend''s relationship with his brother and need to butt out of his decisions about how to spend his own money. If you're still behaving like this I am genuinely astonished that he's still with you. Carry on much longer and he might not be.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 11:25

@Cynara well how nasty. I have already said I am bU but feel free to continue to be horrible fir no reason

OP posts:
Foxysoxy10 · 20/05/2018 11:26

You need to ask yourself why you have no boundaries when it comes to your BF and BFB’s relationship.

Your BF is not owned by you, you have no right to decide what he spends his money on.

You sound very controlling and you should be spending time working out how to ‘fix’ your issues before you start to wade into relationships that are absolutely nothing to do with you and quite clearly out of your remit to sort of it even needed sorting.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 20/05/2018 11:29

I had an ex like this, BPD was the cause of that but either way it was the end of the relationship

Emma198 · 20/05/2018 11:32

OP it's all very well admitting you're BU now, but why did it take another six pages of posts? Didn't you learn your lesson before? This will probably keep happening.

pictish · 20/05/2018 11:35

Honestly OP I don’t think Cyrna was ‘nasty’ as such, just blunt. She’s right...if this was role reversed and you had some bloke telling a mnetter that she can’t lend £25 to her sibling and taking the phone off her when she was talking to them, there would be a chorus of LTB.

You are being overbearing at best. You might not like their relationship dynamic but it is not for you to change. Unless your finances are merged, you don’t get a meaningful say on what your bf does with his money when it comes to his own brother.

incywincybitofa · 20/05/2018 11:37

Oh I remember you
You don't get it
You won't get it
And whilst it passes the day to try and see if you will get it with the replies people offer, at the end of the day you won't get people saying you are being reasonable- because you are not a reasonable person.

What I really want to know if what keeps your partner tied to you

ButchyRestingFace · 20/05/2018 11:37

I really think your boyfriend needs to sack off this relationship and let you find someone who's happy to be dictated to by a shrill, belligerent, controlling girlfriend about what he can do with insignificant amounts of his own money.

Not sure where you'd find someone like that but good luck anyhoos... 🤞

pictish · 20/05/2018 11:40

You certainly have no business being ‘furious’. You haven’t been done a wrong while your bf, whom this concerns, is fine with it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/05/2018 11:57

Decent people apologise immediately they do not wait till much later after sulking all day. Also if you know you were unreasonable before why have you done it again?

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 12:01

I really think your boyfriend needs to sack off this relationship and let you find someone who's happy to be dictated to by a shrill, belligerent, controlling girlfriend about what he can do with insignificant amounts of his own money.

Op is a man.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/05/2018 12:40

Wow controlling much it was only 25 quid. It's not your money and it's not your business keep your nose out and drop it. You don't lend people money with strings attached.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/05/2018 12:49

@boilerhouse 2007 "Clearly you have no experience of such ppl or are just very tolerant."

Oh Boilderhouse, how very agressive you sound too. There is no "clearly". I do in fact have considerable experience of such people.

And I am still tolerant because I won't drop my standards of behaviour just because other people's standards are low.

I was trying to point out to OP, who asked for opinions, that shaming BF's brother on Facebook over £25 was agressive, and not helping them or the BF.

OP sounds very angry and should be looking at the underlying reasons why they are.

ButchyRestingFace · 20/05/2018 12:58

Op is a man.

Boyfriend then. Grin But he'll still face an uphill struggle looking for a replacement.

abilockhart · 20/05/2018 13:06

Ihavenamechangedforthis33, I hope your boyfriend sees sense and removes himself from this controlling relationship.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 14:39

But is everybody just enjoying sticking the boot in especially in regards to my last thread and not taking into consideration my side?

OP posts:
Babyblue32 · 20/05/2018 14:45

It's £25.00 and his brother......

I'd understand if he'd given a sob story about being skint and needing to pay bills or whatever......and then went cinema.

Are you more upset about the 25, or bothered that he's out in a date possibly getting shag (which shouldn't bother you, nor is it relevant to the 25..... 🙄)

Maybe drop this one and drop it quick

SoyDora · 20/05/2018 14:48

But is everybody just enjoying sticking the boot in especially in regards to my last thread and not taking into consideration my side?

Well I didn’t read your last thread. I don’t really get what ‘your side’ is though. You don’t want your BF lending £25 of his money to his brother?