To not pay them?

[upsideup]

For 11 year old dd's sport there is a big event abroad in the beginning of the summer holidays that she is going to, her friend who also does the sports wanted to go but her parents couldnt take her so we offered to.

Original plan was for both me and DH to take the girls but we did mention when it was arranged that I was pregnant but that hopefully as long as all went to plan I would be fine going on the trip. I admit this was only casually mentioned and only once because after 4 easy pregnancies I didnt expect this one to be different but it was definately mentioned. I've decided not to go as I feel safer at home, we told them this last week ago and they said it was fine and hoped I got better. DH is still definately okay taking them on his own.

They now have phoned and said now they have thought it over and because we have changed the arrangements that were previously offered that they no longer want their dd to come so are expecting us cover the costs of this. The dd still wants to come, she has phoned my dd today in tears because they have been looking forward to this for months.

AIBU to not pay them anything? The offer to take their dd will stay open, if we were taking away that offer then of course we would pay.

Have you told them no OP? I would love to know what they said.

chavtasticfirebanger I’m embarrassed on behalf of your children. To never be allowed over at a friend house if their parent is a single father is humiliating for your child and their friend. Kids aren’t stupid and you can make excuses all you like until they figure it out for themselves. I say this as someone who has been in an abusive relationship, raped and abused sexually and physically as a child by my mums husband. I also tried telling her and she did nothing but kick me to the streets. I had to tell her I was lying to her back into the house for winter after I was raped thinking someone was being kind to me. I still would never go around thinking every male could do harm. You are more likely to be abused by someone you know in your family than by a stranger. Judging by what the op has said about her husband he seems safe enough and probably safer than most.

Op Don’t pay them a penny. If they are too thick to realise you could possibly (for any reason) be unable to go then they deserve to lose their money. You made it clear and they accepted the terms. It’s their daughter I feel sorry for, her parents are fucking up her experience over stupidness. In fact, they can decide to keep her home for whatever reason no matter how ridiculous but asking for money they have paid elsewhere is pathetic.

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10156333706794941&id=787624940
Something for the parents who implicitly trust a woman because apparently having a vagina makes you more trustworthy

I'm just wondering, given her age, if the girl's parents' reluctance to let her go away with just your DH might be something to do with onset of periods or some such? Mum may be of the opinion that she's not far off starting or she may have had a couple and they may be worried that she'll be menstruating whilst away which might make life awkward if she's shy and particularly if the event you're going to is in a country where the first language isn't English?

Just a thought. Many girls of that age are shy about such matters around their own fathers, other women and even their own mothers sometimes.

Maybe they feel the thought of her having to cope alone in a foreign country with only a friend's father to help might be a bit much for her. They probably don't feel your DH isn't, "safe" just that their DD might not be comfortable with him in awkward situations?
I might have thought twice about sending either of my DDs away to a foreign country with only a, not very well known to them, man to supervise around this sort of time in their lives when I'd have had no qualms at all at the ages of 9 or 13. The first being too young to really worry about such things and the second being of an age when they'd really got used to coping with it all.
Maybe I'm just old fashioned though and maybe girls are much more blasé about such things these days. My DDs are now 23 and 27

There was a thread here recently where the majority were against letting young boys get changed alone in a male changing room due to the undue influence of older misogynistic men. Yet.. here you'd all be happy for your 11yo DD to go on a jolly with an unchaperoned man. Craziness.

busybarbara you think all men should be chaperoned before they can spend time with their children and their friends? That’s craziness.

busybarbara What makes you think the girl will be required to changed in front of her friends father?

Change*