To think my husband is correct for once

[Metoodear]

My son 18 has started seeing this girl Turing put to be the first love I think

She’s been coming round regularly that’s fine no issue however she just runs straight in his room or hides behind the hedge if she’s waiting for hi
To come out ds has said she’s shy

Last nite dh said she must say pop head in and say hello and god by or she can’t come round as it’s rude she may be shy but she is 18 and ds said he would not be allowed to go to her home with out saying hello

Yesterday she was in the hall way I literally had to shout bye then

Dh said she doesn’t need to have a full blown convo but this is our home we expect it of his mates as well

I am shy myself and can be very awkward in social situations but even I would force myself to say hello, as it’s the polite thing to do.

Fair enough if she’s too shy to make a conversation but a quick hello/5 minute chat from her and your ds before they go upstairs or wherever would be nice

I think its only fair that you try to make things as difficult and embarassing as possible.

YDHINBU it’s basic manners. As you said you’re not wanting her life history just a hello and goodbye.

Last nite dh said she must say pop head in and say hello and god by or she can’t come round as it’s rude she may be shy but she is 18

Ban her from coming round, seriously?!

If you stop being so overbearing and shouting sarcastic 'bye then's' after her she might just gain the confidence to chat to you.

Ask her for Sunday lunch so you can get to know her?

I'm painfully shy but once I know people I am fine, I'm sure so long as you and your dh are kind to her (you sound kind) then she'll get over the shyness?

Well it’s your house, but is it really the end of the world if she doesn’t pop her head round. as long as she’s not trashing your house. No need to ban, just shout a quick hello yourself and let her know you’re not horrible monsters...

If someone is invited into your home they need to have basic manners. It's as simple as that.

Have you actually seen her? Could there be another reason? Could 'she' be a 'he'? Or have a facial disfigurement? Or something else? Just wonder if there's any reason for excessive awkwardness and they're not ready to have you know what it is.

I think she is rude but I wouldnt ban her. Agree with a pp why not invite her round for a meal?

I was shy at that age too, but would never have hidden behind a hedge just to avoid saying hello! Maybe if you promise to just say 'hello' and not bombard her with questions she will agree?

Quite honestly, I think that's OTT. She will get more comfortable, or they will break up.

My DP used to bundle me straight up to his room when we first started seeing each other.

He was embarrassed of his Mum

Incidentally, we're a decade down the line and I adore his Mum.

I agree with you. It’s basic manners. If she’s not mature enough to speak to people she doesn’t know, she’s not ready for a boyfriend. When you date someone you have to take their family into account, the couple doesn’t exist in a vacuum and you pretty much take on the family as well as the person you’re dating (unless they are Nc).

If she’s not mature enough to speak to people she doesn’t know, she’s not ready for a boyfriend.

Rather a confident statement! Who says who gets to have a boyfriend? Clearly she is able to communicate with him, so that's fine.

BTW there are people who make me hide behind hedges - are you sure it’s not just you?

My 20 yr old DD just dumped a lad after 4 lovely long dates because he didn't "rescue" her from an excruciating 20min friendly interrogation by his Father! I thought it ridiculous but I've always been more confident than her.

my second date with DH (before he became DH) was to a Liverpudlian family Easter lunch - with mum/dad/2 brothers/aunts/uncles/cousins/second cousins all sat at a long trestle table eating and chatting for 4 hours- I passed muster.

It is basic manners to at least say hello...

I was cripplingly shy when I met DH at 17 and couldn't string a sentence together around his family.

Twenty years later, I see them all the time and am utterly relaxed with them. Give her a flipping chance.

She may well have social anxiety

I was the same with my BF at 15 and I look back and cringe, his bedroom was right next to the front door though and he used to just usher me in! His DM said the same as what you are saying and I think you’re well within your rights to expect a hello/goodbye.

OP have you met her?

Makes me glad I never had a GF whilst under parents roof :):)

I had crippling anxiety as a teen / young adult, I'd have still said hello and goodbye. Yanbu.

My mil was exactly like you and I was incredibly shy and would
Come out in my own time.

Fast forward as me a dp have been no contact for past number of years and she doesn't see the grandchildren all because it started off just like you

This isn’t just about manners it’s about basic competence. Why does he want to go out with someone who’s so gauche and immature? How does she cope with school/university/job/life?