To think my husband is correct for once

[Metoodear]

My son 18 has started seeing this girl Turing put to be the first love I think

She’s been coming round regularly that’s fine no issue however she just runs straight in his room or hides behind the hedge if she’s waiting for hi
To come out ds has said she’s shy

Last nite dh said she must say pop head in and say hello and god by or she can’t come round as it’s rude she may be shy but she is 18 and ds said he would not be allowed to go to her home with out saying hello

Yesterday she was in the hall way I literally had to shout bye then

Dh said she doesn’t need to have a full blown convo but this is our home we expect it of his mates as well

This is not the gf's fault.

It's your DS's, he knows the house rules. Which for the record is a normal thing. My DS would invite his friends over and they'd walk into the house without saying a word. I took him aside and explained that behaviour was not right. Now they say hello. Basic manners.

If you were expecting conversation and for them to share familial space with you, I'd say you were unreasonable. But that's not what you are asking for. Btw that's what my in laws expected. No thank you!

Hiding in bushes indeed.

I don’t know about this one actually. I imagine I’d have been the same at that age about meeting boyfriends’ parents. I can’t put my finger on why, but I was very awkward around boyfriends until I was much older. Meeting their parents would have made me . Even when I met my now in laws at 22yo I was mega awkward. I’m amazed they speak to me at all now as I was probably quite rude to them. It was pure shyness / lack of confidence. DH’s sister’s husband is quite confident, so he fitted in much more quickly.

Yes OP, stop shouting 'bye, then' or you'll never see your grandchildren

It's really not out of the realms of possibility. I've known several women who felt not accepted or approved of by their partner's family, so they just didn't see them, and the partner got absorbed into their own family.

OK, she's shy but she's also very rude if she can't even say hello.

I don't think you can ban her from your house though

Why are people projecting so much? 'Don't be surprised if they move miles away so they don't have to see you often'? What?!

Ds1 (23) has been going out with his girlfriend for more than three years and it's only in the last year that she has started looking round the door to say hello. I do would think it odd but ds2, who has autism, can be a bit like this. He gets quite anxious with people he doesn't know well and even with people he does. I would give her some leeway and see how it goes.

He's 18. If you try to issue orders about how he interacts with his friends, he'll start looking for a home of his own. How about you show him some respect by keeping your beak out of his private life?

Poor little thing she might find other people's parents incredibly scary and yelling 'bye then' at her in a sarcastic way is not going to make you seem any friendlier.

Where is you DS when she's hiding? Why doesn't he bring her into the house and introduce her to you? Talking on the phone to his mate whilst she stand on her own feeling awkward is hardly fair of him either.

Oh and banning her from the house is just nasty and will definitely not make her feel relaxed around you. I'm not surprised she's unsure with you.

Just leave them to it, she is shy and will become more comfortable in time, forcing the situation will not make her feel comfortable at all

Shouting "bye then" is rude, and your thread title is putting your husband down in saying he's right "for once", so I wonder if you come across to her as so passive aggressive in real life? That can be quite intimidating.

I'm a bit that your son would even date anyone who behaved that way. If a boyfriend had behaved so poorly to my parents at that age I would have just bingen up with him on the spot of off embarrassment.

@Userv And for the 'she is 18, she is a worldly wise adult' brigade; not everyone is the same, so give the girl a break! hmm Does my head in when people assume a child will suddenly just turn into a fully fledged independent adult, all outgoing and assertive and chatty, and totally an adult on their 18th birthday.

You're of course right. Every one's maturity levels are different. That said my soon to be 10 year old knows when you walk into someone's home, you say hello to the people there😫

Why are people projecting so much?

Agree with this, are people seriously suggesting because the OP and her DH want to say hi then the reasonable response for this girl is that she will stop them seeing grandkids, move away and go no contact .

No one knows if she has anxiety but I hardly think the OP is overbearing she doing what most people would with their child's new partner, she's taking a interest. If she ignore her then people would be saying she was rude and not making her feel welcome.

@Radiogagoo

Why are people projecting so much? 'Don't be surprised if they move miles away so they don't have to see you often'? What?!

Projecting? WTF are you on about?

No-one is projecting, they are putting views and opinions. That is what a discussion is dear.

My DS's gf used to come round regularly and arrive and leave without us even knowing sometimes. She was just very quiet and shy. She did grow more confident as the relationship progressed, but she's never going to have a personality transformation from introvert to extrovert.
Cut her some slack OP

@Faultymain5

You're of course right. Every one's maturity levels are different. That said my soon to be 10 year old knows when you walk into someone's home, you say hello to the people there

Good for him. Clever boy! Give him a medal!

Calm down UserV dear

Is 'bite me' an opinion or a view?

Good for him. Clever boy! Give him a medal!

Did you mean to be so condescending? Faultymain5 is right if a 10 year old knows that is what is expected then an 18 year old should know that saying hi is basic manners.

@playdoughnut

Shouting "bye then" is rude, and your thread title is putting your husband down in saying he's right "for once", so I wonder if you come across to her as so passive aggressive in real life? That can be quite intimidating.

Agree with this. Poor girl. I feel sorry for her. The OP and her husband sound very intimidating and rather passive aggressive.

@Radiogagawhatever

BITE me is what you need to do hun.

You sound a bit upset.... You OK hun?

@Headsdownthumbsupeveryone

Did you mean to be so condescending?

Yes I absolutely fucking did.

There's no saying how this relationship will pan out as they are both so young at 18. It is a bit extreme to say they will go NC once grandkids arrive etc.

I do think OP and DH should cut the girl some slack though and try to be approachable. This relationship may fizzle out over time but at least then they will be able to say they were welcoming.

I literally had to shout bye then

Making it worse for her. Stop being passive aggressive.

UserV. Bless you.

"My DS would invite his friends over and they'd walk into the house without saying a word. "

I had a housemate at uni whose friends did this. It was awful and made me feel like the maid - not that it would be OK not to say hello to the maid either!