Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my son’s uni tutors?

[Ladymacbethshandwash]

My 18 year old son is coming to the end of his first year of a performing arts degree. Since he was a little boy he wanted to become an actor so this was the natural route for him to take.

He has struggled with certain aspects of the course, namely the movement side as he is 6 foot 3 and as graceful as bambi on ice. He has failed his two movement assessments and passed his acting assessments. Today at his end of year tutorial his tutors told him he will never make it as an actor. They bluntly destroyed his dreams and sent him on his way. My 18 year old son is away from home, distraught because in his opinion his dream is over, his life is finished. He won’t come home and he doesn’t want to speak to me. Why oh why could they have not been a little more careful about the language they used? I know I’m his Mum, so I am obviously biased but he does have something, he’s funny, confident, handsome and he does have acting ability. Unfortunately he doesn’t believe this now, he’s so low I don’t know what to do.

Well my son can't move well and is continuously cast in theatre productions by people in the business who are unconcerned with his lack of mobility but impressed with his talent.

This might come off the wrong way but I think that if they are willing to cast a physically disabled child in a role then those doing the casting won't have the same expectations of his ability to move. I don't think an able-bodied actor would necessarily be treated the same way as there shouldn't be any reason for them to be moving awkwardly.

John Cleese might have been "ungraceful", but he certainly knew how to use movement to brillant effect to enhance the characters he was playing.

I think many people are missing the point somewhat.

@SeventyNineBottlesOfWine what your DS has, is the ability to convince an audience of the authenticity of a character. Most people would do that through Moderne movement. Your DS can't do that, but he uses his passionate acting to make what movement he does have authentic to the role. So it doesn't matter that he can't move well. However, if someone can move, but doesn't move, or moves awkwardly, simply because they don't know how to move the character they are portraying, the disconnect and lack of authenticity distracts the audience and it ruins the show, so it matters.

It sounds like this course is not the right course for him. I don't think it's either the case that he is 'never going to make it' or that his tutors are idiots. Possibly whoever accepted him on the course was a bit of an idiot, as it just sounds like the wrong fit.

Just be nice comforting Mum for a bit. Let him get over it (no one likes criticism.) And next week, help him consider what to do next.

I think one of the challenges for young people moving from school to vocational courses is that they can be very tough on their students as they feel that their students represent them, so if a student is sub par (for any reason) that reflects on them.

The university I used to work at had a nursing course that was very difficult to get into and was well known for pushing their students very hard and failing a good proportion of them. Their justification when challenged was that nursing was hard and they wanted all their graduates to be successful. That some of their students felt battered and bruised along the way was almost something they took pride in for the good of the profession as they saw it.

Some academic courses see things the other way and care little about the practical applications of the skills they are teaching. My ds took some computer science courses this year (first year of his joint art/science degree) and failed despite having been top of the class at school. The university had a totally different focus to school or to the way that most programmers learn in industry (dh is a programmer and thought ds's courses were ridiculous). But if you want to do their course you have to jump through their hoops, and if you can't then better to change to something else.

I’m really sorry to hear this.

I studied Drama & Theatre Arts at a RG uni, was a very competitive entry and required very high A level grades. The course was 50/50 academic and practical. The practical elements in the first year did include a movement module (the very basics of contemporary dance essentially) but that was the full extent of it unless you opted to take further modules later.

Everyone had varying abilities and I never heard anyone ever being told they would never make it as an actor. There were times that a certain tutor or visiting director might not think you had what it took, but all this is so subjective. Not to mention the entire point of studying is so that you improve through the course - I was a far better actor at the end of my third year than at the end of my first year.

I think he needs to do a different course to be honest. Who specifically is this coming from - personal tutor, head of department? Has he just failed one movement module?

I suspect they didn't say those exact words

He's a grown up trying to make it in a tough industry, if he can't take this, they were right! Let go and let him make his own way in the world there are plenty of off camera roles that are vital to the industry.

Could he have a course of Alexander Technique lessons? They are popular with actors as they promote awareness of the body.

It sounds as if the message was not delivered well, but realistically there probably isn't a good way to shatter an 18 yo lad's dreams. And it's more honest to tell him now than let him continue to waste £9k a year plus living expenses on a course he is not going to pass.

He has lots of options, take a different acting course, pursue other forms of performance, take a year out to earn some money and work on his movement in private classes, study something else, do Am-Dram. The options are endless.

When I was at uni (not acting but something where personal qualities matter as much as knowledge) one girl was advised every year to leave the course. She refused and is now very, very successful in that field. Tutors do get it wrong sometimes.

They did say those exact words and when he said that he believed he would make it as an actor one of the tutors said ‘well I could say I believe I’m going to go to Hollywood but it doesn’t mean ever going to get there.’ Hence the reason he is so down.

I would be very surprised if they said those exact words and of they did then they have no business working with young people. However, people (especially young people) often have selective hearing. I have lost count the amount of times I apparently told someone they would never make it in their chosen career when I said nothing of the sort but was explaining the competitive nature of a career

Every actor has heard they won't make it at least 50 million times

Yes and most of them don't.

I imagine the tutors have to be very clear and candid in these situations as they don't want to give false hope. So many people hear what they want to hear when they've set their heart on something. I'm also struggling to think of a way to tell someone they don't have what it takes in a way that wouldn't upset them. Surely however you phrase it, it's going to be painful to hear.

OP, you mentioned your son is also into stand up comedy, maybe encourage him to focus on that for a while and see what comes out of it? While some comedians use their physicality onstage there are plenty who don't so his difficulties with movement and coordination shouldn't be an issue.

I did a PA degree. They're very tough and basically leave you uninspired. There are many actors who can't 'dance' and struggle with movement however if you're son would struggle with basic choreography then he won't do well on the stage. Think stage fighting, any form of physicality etc

I would suggest do resits if he can, and getting dance lessons and doing movement workshops in the mean time. Movement is hugely important, and yes at 18 he probably isn't as graceful as he could be, especially since in all likelihood he's not done growing yet.

If it doesn't pan out, I would suggest keeping up theatre and maybe looking into doing an associated degree, like theatre or literature. Then reapply for an acting MA once he's finished, that would give him a couple of years to develop the skills he needs, and finish growing into himself.

Slightly good point!

Personally, I think you should go to war over this. Your son gained a place on this course and is owed a duty of care by the people who selected him. If he's ungainly now he must have been ungainly then, when he applied. The course has no excuses, therefore, to say he's no longer suitable.
If the course were to deny a place to someone because of their physical disabilities, they'd be castigated and rightly so. Being thrown out for being gangling is no different to being thrown out for being disabled.

Your son is still young and growing into his 6'3" frame, it may take him another 4-5 years to grow into his body, to find his centre of gravity. But look at the Scot's rugby player Dodie Weir; he was taller than your son and looked terribly ungainly when he first started playing international rugby - a few years down the line and he was one of Scotland's top players. Tall people take longer to develop.

I'd attack this course on the grounds that it's being discriminatory in it's marking process - your son can't help being tall. Being tall and ungainly as a youth is no barrier to becoming an actor; ask John Cleese. I'm willing to bet that both Liam Neeson 6'4" and Idris Elba 6'3" were both pretty ungainly at 18. Similarly, being under 5'6" didn't stop Wayne Sleep succeeding as a dancer...

Should the people running your course defend their marking criteria, ask them how they'd mark a wheelchair user or someone with cerebral palsy. If the say they'd be able to compensate for that then they're being discriminatory. If instead they say they wouldn't accept a disabled person on the course, they're being discriminatory.

Do they also tell the less attractive people that they'll never be actors, because they're not beautiful enough?

Seriously, I'd seek legal advice on this. The Student's Union might be a good start. Some college chaplaincies are also hot on this kind of stuff.

As a nursing instructor I can see both sides of this. Maybe the delivery was not the best, but at the same time, if he's not capable of completing the course it may not be the best fit for him. Now, obviously nursing is different from acting and I will admit that I have no idea how one actually gets into acting. But for nursing, if we have a student who is really struggling with basic things, we may suggest they're not cut out for nursing. If they're showing that they don't have the ability to organize and prioritize and keep their medications straight, they're more of a liability than an asset and they need to be aware of that.

Irrespective of whether he could actually make it in acting/comedy etc he clearly is not suited to this particular course - so it would seem sensible to consider shifting to a different degree and continuing to try and get into acting/comedy by other means.

Understandably he's devastated and you're furious, but much of what you've said he's said and done, and experienced during this year would seem to indicate he's not been in the right place.

He's questioned some aspects of the course. He's asked to do things he doesn't like doing, he's failed more than one assignment and basically been told he's not cut out for that course, in that place. None of which means he's not going to become an actor.

Not all PA graduates end up working in the business anyway. Many (the majority) get a bit of vox pop/chorus line/extras stuff. And do other jobs to keep the wolf from the door.

You say he excels at stand up comedy stuff? Maybe he should go deeper into that area.

Your son must be very talented to have got through to this course at 18, many students have to get a year or so life experience before they are ready for drama school, Rada rarely takes 18 year old for instance.

There are other courses and unis. If he's into stand up comedy it might be worth looking at Middlesex Unis Theatre Arts course, I know they have a solo performer module.

Either way, it might be a good idea to take a year out and mature into his height. I wish him the best of luck!

Snotgobbler- all kinds of people get onto all kinds of uni courses by dint of merit and then fail their first year. Our course lost 10%, all of whom had been accepted initially. It's not school anymore when Mum can go to the governors and kick ass.

John Cleese wrote his own stuff though - he made his height part of the joke, same with Stephen Merchant. Perhaps DS could consider writing?

I don't believe Liam Neeson was ever ungainly - he moves like a cat.

Perhaps the root of the problem is that drama and performing arts degrees enrol so many students, adding to the massive oversubscription in the industry. Getting a place for a degree shows that the student is good enough to follow the degree, not necessarily that they will get regular work in the industry. A friend of ours has just graduated from a performing arts degree and was one of only five who were told by tutors that they probably had a future as an actor.

To be an actor, you don’t have to do a degree in acting though, do you? When I was at university there was a thriving drama scene, loads of extra curriculum acting going on, people would become actors after uni because of this but nobody was doing an actual degree in drama. Sorry if that’s an obvious thing to say, I am sure he is aware of the acting opportunities outside his course, but could he not do a more academic degree and immerse himself in student drama?