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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

275 replies

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

OP posts:
MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 13:02

mirrivan, I've said I don't disagree the husband was thoughtless for this to have arisen.

My point was simply the resolution should not have involved phoning MIL.

Bluelady · 18/05/2018 13:02

Is there nothing too trivial to be turned into a drama?

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookiemere · 18/05/2018 13:28

Ah yes - similar has happened to me.

The DH will have forgotten the plan - despite having been reminded - because it's not important to him. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal, but if I'd said to DH that I'd be looking after DS or doing something to facilitate him doing what he wanted on his birthday - I'd not forget what I'd promised.

That's why it hurts.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 13:29

mirrivan, if you think it's appropriate for someone to change their husbands plans, even if it was because it clashed with prior plans, without waiting a couple of hours to speak to the husband and actually resolving the issue with no plan changes required, then I'm never going to convince you otherwise.

If you're happy for your partner to overrule you to your own parents, rather than discussing things and finding a solution bewtween yourselves then that's your call.

IMO the OP massively overreacted and the actual resolution should always have been just what happened in the end. I.e., she speaks to DH, he says he'll take DS.

Confusedbeetle · 18/05/2018 13:39

I agree with lemon and limes. What a performance over one sofa move a watching TV. After the age of 20 birthdays are no big deal. Choose your battles for goodness sake. There are are lot worse things going on

Nikephorus · 18/05/2018 13:54

There is nothing remotely unreasonable about planning something that is not 3 yr old friendly on your birthday and being annoyed when the plans are undone by else, namely her h not her mil. Have you people met any 3 yr olds??
Sitting in front of the tv isn't 3 yr old friendly? I'll remember that next time someone posts 'AIBU to put my 3 yo in front of the tv because I'm not coping great?' and everyone reassures her that it's fine! Grin

Hygge · 18/05/2018 13:58

"Why are people ignoring the "I'm going to ring his mum" bit?"

Maybe because the MIL ignored the OP's birthday and sent a message telling them that the OPs DH was helping her out instead, assuming that they had nothing else planned on the OP's birthday.

And then the DH ignored the OP's plans and went along with it.

And then he ignored the OP's calls and messages when the OP was trying to sort it out

So the quickest way to deal with it was for the OP to ring her MIL and say "we've got plans at that time, but we can do it later."

It's not like she was ringing the MIL to tell her to fuck off and die or anything. Just that the morning didn't work for them so it would have to be the afternoon.

Why are you ignoring that the OP's DH thought that he could change her plans at the last minute and that the MIL didn't even consider she would have any?

I don't care what other people on here think about birthdays or the way the OP has chosen to spend hers.

Significant members of her family are telling her that she doesn't matter to them and that her arrangements are less important than theirs.

She can ring whoever she likes and tell them they are wrong about that.

Mookatron · 18/05/2018 14:07

My DD was 3 when the last royal wedding was on. I can tell you from personal experience there is TV and TV when it comes to 3 yr olds.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 14:07

^^ Dear God, some people are hard work and enjoy making a mountain out of a molehill!

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 14:08

That was about hygge post

Mookatron · 18/05/2018 14:08
Grin
downthestrada · 18/05/2018 14:18

The DH will have forgotten the plan - despite having been reminded - because it's not important to him. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal, but if I'd said to DH that I'd be looking after DS or doing something to facilitate him doing what he wanted on his birthday - I'd not forget what I'd promised.

That's why it hurts.

THIS

And I think people are struggling with the fact she has chosen to watch something on TV on her birthday. But, she's having friends round, it's definitely a birthday event and her husband was helping facilitate the plans.

It just wasn't that important to him. I would be pissed off too.

Guna100 · 18/05/2018 14:33

YANBU but I think your DH needs to text / call his DM to say he forgot he had plans in the morning and he can only do afternoon.

Hope you have a lovely birthday!

Lizzie48 · 18/05/2018 14:39

For those suggesting that it wouldn't be a problem having the 3 year old with them, I well remember what it was like trying to watch something I liked (in my case the tennis) with little ones around. It was always, 'Mummy, I want to watch CBeebies.' It just doesn't work. My DH used to kindly take the DDs to the park when the Wimbledon final was on. Grin

Hygge · 18/05/2018 14:40

"Dear God, some people are hard work and enjoy making a mountain out of a molehill!"

Yep. All of the ones here who think a simple phone call to the OP's MIL is the end of the world for a start.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 14:53

Yep. All of the ones here who think a simple phone call to the OP's MIL is the end of the world for a start.

Which is still not as simple as waiting until your husband has a break and speaking to him in order to resolve the situation without anyone's plans having to change.

Hygge · 18/05/2018 15:10

"Which is still not as simple as waiting until your husband has a break and speaking to him in order to resolve the situation without anyone's plans having to change."

It might have been. "MIL, I'm having my birthday party at that time, DH and DS are going out and we're all looking forward to it, we'll have to move the sofa later on." "Okay."

Yet some people have more posts on this thread than the OP, up in arms because a woman they don't know might have (but didn't) phone another woman they don't know and inconveniece a man they don't know.

I'm hoping not to be one of those people with more posts than Royal Mail because apparently it's sorted now, but if the OP isn't allowed to be annoyed about her DH changing her plans without asking I don't know why people here are annoyed that she might have changed his plans the same way, or why they are annoyed about a phone call she didn't actually make.

I'm not sure why saying that makes me the person who's hard work in all of this either.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 15:19

I found just reading your last post hard work hygge Grin

What an overreaction to a simple situation.

Hygge · 18/05/2018 15:23

I'm sure you did.

Not quite as big an over-reaction or as hard work as all your many, many posts on this thread though, and doubtless the reply that's coming from you next.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/05/2018 15:23

The problem is OP, you have broken many rules:

  1. You are watching the Royal Wedding, you dreadful person.
  2. You have a good relationship with your MIL and can therefore talk to her about things.
  3. You like and enjoy and celebrate birthdays, you witch!
  4. You aren't joyful and elated to be with your children ALL THE TIME without an break at all while your hero DH facilitates you doing absolutely everything at home. (This is a new one. MN has had an influx of surrendered wives recently, it's very odd. I assume they are penis beaker fans.)

In short, fuck 'em. Watch the wedding, celebrate your birthday and expect your DH to look after his own children once in a while.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 15:27

I CBA anymore hygge I had nothing better to be doing but now have to go to the pub!

crispysausagerolls · 18/05/2018 15:33

Hygge

I think I love you

Redact · 18/05/2018 15:44

So much drama over nothing

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