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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

275 replies

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

OP posts:

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:02

For those saying 'what wrong with ringing MIL anyway' can I pose my previous question again:-

Can you image if the roles were reversed; if a husband called his MIL to insist her daughter couldn't do something for her mother because it interfered with his plans.

Can you honestly say you'd support the DH in that instance?

TeisanLap · 18/05/2018 12:03

are you sure it's not a cover for a birthday surprise that he's organised?!!!!

Jeez! OP, this poster could be right. You could be going to the actual wedding!!!!!

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 12:03

and to all those who think im a precious snowflake who needs a beating from her obviously more important dh

Yeah, that would be funny but you've just made that up.

You've been called precious, that's it, I think your sentence backs that up.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBartlettsconscience · 18/05/2018 12:04

@bearbehind - my DH would do that. If I've double booked and he's realised and I haven't, of course he'll talk to my parents. Why wouldn't he? DH gets on well with my parents, just as I do with his.

emmyrose2000 · 18/05/2018 12:05

YANBU

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:05

my DH would do that. If I've double booked and he's realised and I haven't, of course he'll talk to my parents. Why wouldn't he? DH gets on well with my parents, just as I do with his.

Really? Without speaking to each other first?

Weird.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Highhorse1981 · 18/05/2018 12:10

“My other half wants to spend his birthday watching the football on TV with his friends at our house, and has asked me to go out and take our youngest child with him!”

Can you imagine the responses!

LifeBeginsAtGin · 18/05/2018 12:10

I can't believe someone is so special they've reported my post. Hell there was nothing controversial about it.

MN seems to be full of snowflakes these days.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:11

Blimey, I can see why my opinion differs from so many on here.

I'd be livid if my DH called my parents to change my plans without speaking to me first.

If some of you would be happy with that then I guess it's your call but it's most peculiar.

MissBartlettsconscience · 18/05/2018 12:11

I don't think its weird at all. If he's spotted a double booking, I'd far rather he just dealt with it and rearranged one of the bits, than leave it for me to sort! Its far more efficient for it just to be dealt with.

Maybe its just unusual that both of us to get on really well with both sets of ILs so there isn't any politicking.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:13

It's nothing to do with the politics of in-laws missbartlett, it's to do with having the decency to discuss change of plan with your spouse, i.e. The person who's plans are changing, first.

MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 12:13

I would be fumming if my husband spoke to my mum on my behalf if i had arranged to do something and had forgotten previous arrangements it is my problem to sort not my husbands.

windermerebell · 18/05/2018 12:14

Some really nasty posters on here op. Ignore them. Half of them will be on there high bourse because you mentioned daring to watch the royal wedding
I have also noticed loads of new posters piling in with nasty comments recently

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 18/05/2018 12:15

Id happily take our toddler out for a couple of hours if my DH wanted to watch the football on his birthday.... I have zero interest in football and neither does our toddler. And for someones birthday you should presumably do something nice for them? And a few hours to watch something uninterrupted is quite nice... doesnt stop you doing something later together, or getting a babysitter and going out together later if finances allow! To me having some toddler free time is an amazing gift. Dont see why that is weird for either a man or a woman to say!

MissBartlettsconscience · 18/05/2018 12:16

I just don't see why it is an issue but then my parents are very flexible and informal.

If it was a major plan I'd made with my mum for example to go to the theatre or something and DH wanted to change it so he could go for a bike ride (hypothetical, he's not a twat) I'd expect my mum to tell him the plans couldn't be changed.

If is was a double booking - i'd arranged to do something with my mum at the same time I was doing something for DH, I just don't see why it would be a big deal for him to ask if the plans with my mum could be changed. If not, we'd manage, but its reasonable to ask - at least it is in my family.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:17

The OP tried to get in touch with her husband first.

Yes and he's clearly a teacher so couldn't speak straight away but could in a matter of a couple of hours.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrendasUmbrella · 18/05/2018 12:18

Wow. Poor bloke.

It's not a normal day on MN without running into this old chestnut at least once...

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 12:20

It's not a normal day on MN without running into this old chestnut at least once

There are quite a lot of opportunities, to be fair.

Clutterbugsmum · 18/05/2018 12:21

This is one of those thread where I feel I've gone to another world.

Anyway here in the real world I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

You arrange something YOU want to do on your birthday, and for DH to do something fun with HIS son while you do fun things with you dd and friends. It's 4 hours not the whole weekend.

OP I hope you get to enjoy the royal wedding with your friends.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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