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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

275 replies

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

OP posts:
windermerebell · 18/05/2018 12:23

Yep poor bloke, after all poor blokes can’t be expected to remember things that their wife has planned in advance for her birthday that’s happens once a year Hmm
Op do make sure you have a hot bath with bubbles, a cold beer and a cold flannel to dab his brow when he gets in from moving his sofa won’t you Hmm

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 18/05/2018 12:23

Some people have really put the boot in here Shock Really really nastily. Bullies following the pack, I think. The replies were quite balanced until a couple of people were unpleasant and then several more piled on. Ugh.

FWIW, OP, YANBU.

Nikephorus · 18/05/2018 12:24

Thing is, even if he leaves DS behind, he'll likely still be back home to pick him up before the main bit of the wedding even begins!

MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 12:24

The son is going with his dad the Op birthday isn't spoiled the Op was annoyed panicked a bit overdramatic but her birthday really is not going to be spoiled .

Flooffloof · 18/05/2018 12:25

I have plans to watch the wedding tomorrow on my own.
OH is going out somewhere, maybe to see his parents, if he did a volte face and tried to spend the time with me (most likely moaning about the wedding ) I would be hacked off.
I have plans, I like to keep to my plans, it's not my birthday either, that would piss me right off.,
I think its the knowledge that your plans are so much less important.
Glad it's resolved for OP

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 12:26

Yep poor bloke, after all poor blokes can’t be expected to remember things that their wife has planned in advance for her birthday that’s happens once a year

He was trying to help his mum and her friend out, not going down the pub. He thought it would take a short period of time and wanted to please everyone.

So yes, poor bloke.

TeisanLap · 18/05/2018 12:30

Also it seems a bit weird to want to celebrate your birthday by essentially telling your husband and one of your children to go out for the day so they don't bother you!

It’s no different to going to the cinema except she watching something at home.

windermerebell · 18/05/2018 12:33

he could have kept both party’s happy by remembering what his wife had planned and telling his Mum a different time either before or after the friends had gone.
Doesn’t matter what he is doing helping Mum or going down the pub, he still forgot his wife’s birthday plans. FFS he even had to ask again what the birthday plans were which I think says it all- he forgot totally

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaggieFS · 18/05/2018 12:34

YANBU. I can't believe how many people seem to think it's ok to back track on a commitment, without discussion or consideration and especially not when the plans they're stuffing up are someone's birthday plans to which they'd previously agreed!

Have a great day OP!

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

windermerebell · 18/05/2018 12:36

And we all know the 20 minutes is going to turn into 2 hours as the op has already said it always does.

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 12:36

not when the plans they're stuffing up are someone's birthday plans

by having a 3 year old in the front room for an extra hour?

windermerebell · 18/05/2018 12:37

I think a lot of vipers can’t get past the fact the op has arrange something in the house with her mates for her birthday. And also it’s the royal wedding.
If she was out of the piss they would all be more understanding

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 12:37

He's useless at saying no to his mum and just expected his partner to lump it

It was explained that his mum never asks for a favour, so good effort there but no cigar I'm afraid.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:37

Though it's always an eye opener into how people project their own issues onto a situation, without being able to see that they are doing so.
Also, that their projections are actually preventing them from seeing the real issue.

That's more than a little ironic.

I've been answering the actual thread title, many others have decided it's about 'the bigger picture'

If the thread had been called, AIBU to be annoyed my husband has been thoughtless and double booked himself, then fine, but it wasn't.

It's is another world but not because if the posters who actually respond to the question asked.

NoSquirrels · 18/05/2018 12:43

I've been answering the actual thread title

AIBU to call MIL and say actually no DH can't help you tomorrow
If you answer JUST based on that, you could come to the conclusion that it was Unreasonable because it sounds like the OP is dictating what her DH can and cannot do for no reason

If she'd called it:

AIBU to call MIL and say actually no DH can't help you tomorrow because he's already got plans with DS at the time that you need him and I'm worried he might have forgotten about them, please can you make it later in the day?^
then would your response be different?

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 18/05/2018 12:45

Still with you OP. For those that can't believe that the OP isn't spending her entire birthday with her children.... can l just "throw" it out there... that l haven't spent Mother's day with mine for a few years!!

OMG!! How bad am I that l want a meal in peace on my day with my own mum!!

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2018 12:46

"I'm helping mum move a sofa tomorrow morning"
"But that's when I'm watching the wedding with dd and XY and Z!"
"Oh, I am sorry, I forgot that. No problem, ds can come with me"

But then there wouldn't be a thread....

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:49

If she'd called it:

AIBU to call MIL and say actually no DH can't help you tomorrow because he's already got plans with DS at the time that you need him and I'm worried he might have forgotten about them, please can you make it later in the day?^
then would your response be different?

No because, if the OP had just spoken to her husband and resolved it, as actually happened, there was no need for a call to MIL at all.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 12:50

Exactly right bertrand

Mookatron · 18/05/2018 12:51

I do not understand the vitriol on this post unless it's been invaded by one of those women-hating funds that like to do this kind of thing.

There is nothing remotely unreasonable about planning something that is not 3 yr old friendly on your birthday and being annoyed when the plans are undone by else, namely her h not her mil. Have you people met any 3 yr olds??

Her H didn't forget he just agreed to do the thing he wanted to/thought would get him less shit. He needs to grow a pair.

Plus as an aside calling people snowflakes stopped meaning anything in about 2016 and makes you sound thick.

Mookatron · 18/05/2018 12:51

*forums

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/05/2018 12:55

Mook I don't think there's been any vitriol as such. Just people rather bemused at the drama and angst over a not-very-remarkable incident.

On a separate note; I don't think this is one of those threads started by MRAs in a misguided attempt to show women how hysterical and unreasonable they can be but it's a good point.