Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

466 replies

PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 17:57

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

OP posts:
MiggeldyHiggins · 18/05/2018 10:38

If anyone drank a drop while in charge of my child, they'd never be in charge of my child ever again

So you and your partner are tea total then?

op, either you trust your MIL to mind your kid or you don't. It's that simple. If you don't trust her you shouldn't leave the kid with her, and if you do trust her then you let her do as she likes.

LagunaBubbles · 18/05/2018 10:39

if anyone drank a drop in charge of my child they would never be in charge again I bet your mil/dm are breathing a sigh of relief as they sip on a cold white.

haha Grin

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 11:57

I think there is a big difference between not drinking when you're looking after your child and asking someone else not to. That's fair enough. And downing a half bottle of wine regularly when in charge of your child, but asking others not to.

For most folks a couple of glass of wine over lunch is not going to impair them or make them inebriated if they are used to alcohol.

The op needs her mother in law to look after the child. So she's being unreasonable to ask her not to do something that she herself does with regular occurance.

RoadToRivendell · 18/05/2018 12:53

This thread has successfully drawn all of the loons out of the woodwork.

WTAF!!!!!!

ICantCopeAnymore · 18/05/2018 13:02

So you and your partner are tea total then?

I am, DH pretty much. He'll have a can of beer on Christmas day.

I bet your mil/dm are breathing a sigh of relief as they sip on a cold white

Pil are dead. DM and DF don't drink.

None of us need alcohol to enhance our lives - we're all very happy as we are.

Funny though, how all the drinkers think it's "loony" if you don't drink, or wouldn't want someone who did in charge of your child. Only on Mumsnet Smile

RoadToRivendell · 18/05/2018 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 13:18

He'll have a can of beer on Christmas day

The party aminal! I hope he's not left in charge of the kids after downing his annual can of beer. 🤣

And as rivendell said, that's not really why folks think you're a loon. It's because of the lack of understanding of alcohol and the pearl clutching hysterical over reaction that's the issue. Sometimes a balanced view is more appropriate than fainting in the corner at the thought of something as minor as a couple of glasses of wine over lunch.

Momo27 · 18/05/2018 13:47

Today 07:54 PaulDacreRimsGeese

OP has made it clear that they can't afford to use paid childcare instead momo. Don't be a dick.

You’re a charmer aren’t you pauldacrerimsgeese?

If the MIL wasn’t available, got sick, got run over by a bus tomorrow, the OP would have to make other arrangements, either paying for childcare, stopping work or finding working hours to fit round the child’s father. There are clearly are choices, but it’s more convenient to the op to take free childcare and try to control how the MIL spends her day

ICantCopeAnymore · 18/05/2018 14:00

If I'm a "fucking loon" because I wouldn't want someone who had been drinking in charge of my children, then I'm very glad that I'm a "fucking loon".

I understand alcohol perfectly well, thank you. I see the impact it has most of my working days. I posted one comment about how I don't want someone who has touched a drop of alcohol in charge of my kid. Hardly a pearl clutching, hysterical overreaction. It's my choice as to how I parent my children.

What is a hysterical overreaction is calling someone a "fucking loon" over a normal parenting decision. It's offensive to those with mental illness, myself included. Also I don't drink alcohol because I'm disabled and intolerant to it due to my medication. DH and my parents are also all on meds that clash with alcohol. They have also had the piss taken out of them on this thread.

It really goes to show how vile people can be to non-drinkers. I've only ever experienced it on Mumsnet though, thankfully.

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 14:04

I agree you shouldn't have been called a fucking loon. However.

I don't want someone who has touched a drop of alcohol in charge of my kid. Hardly a pearl clutching, hysterical overreaction

It is. Whichever way you cut it. It is. What you've just basically said is if someone has a couple of sips of wine they couldn't look after your kid. That really is a hysterical over reaction. Can you really not see that?

Wolfiefan · 18/05/2018 14:06

I wouldn't take the piss out of people who don't drink alcohol. There are lots of reasons why people decide they're better off without it. None of my business.
But to say touching a drop of alcohol doesn't make you incapable of looking after a child. Personally I couldn't drink alcohol at lunchtime as I would nod off. But a glass with dinner doesn't affect me in the same way. I never drink and drive and don't get drunk. The odd glass isn't a problem.

ICantCopeAnymore · 18/05/2018 14:07

No, but it's not something I need to worry about, as the only person who looks after my children is a non-drinker, so no hysterics here.

ICantCopeAnymore · 18/05/2018 14:08

Wolfie - never have I said it would render someone incapable of looking after a child. It's just my personal preference.

Eatmycheese · 18/05/2018 14:12

Some raging hypocrites on here I suspect. The “i never drink when I’m looking after my kids bollocks.”

And certainly some massively oversensitive people.

OP if you’re not happy about it then I think 14 pages in you know what to do know.

Me, I’m off for my fourth can of Stella whilst my three kids languish in front of C Beebies

ReanimatedSGB · 18/05/2018 14:18

Every now and then there's a thread that brings out all the whiners to whine about how awful it is that they are mocked and bullied for not drinking alcohol.
Every time it rapidly becomes clear that it's not their teetotalism that makes people laugh at them or tell them to fuck off - it's the fact that they are incapable of leaving other people alone on the subject.
I have quite a few friends and family members who do not drink alcohol. It's fine by me - why wouldn't it be? Throughout my social circles, offering someone a drink is just offering a drink - alcohol, no alcohol, hot, cold, and no fussing or arguing when the person says what they would like (well, unless they ask for something that there simply isn't any of).

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2018 14:20

Wolfie - never have I said it would render someone incapable of looking after a child. It's just my personal preference

And if you'd phrased it that way saying "I prefer people don't drink when looking after my kids and we also don't drink" rather than phrase it in the way you did, the reaction would have been very different indeed.

ICantCopeAnymore · 18/05/2018 14:20

Where have I said other people shouldn't drink?

Where have I said that drinking stops people from being able to look after their children?

I said that I wouldn't let someone do it, with my own children, which is my prerogative. What other people do is up to them.

ICantCopeAnymore · 18/05/2018 14:22

I said this:

"If anyone drank a drop while in charge of my child, they'd never be in charge of my child ever again"

This would be because if someone was looking after my child, they'd be aware of my wishes. If they went against them and drunk anyway, they wouldn't be in charge again. What's wrong with that?

MiggeldyHiggins · 18/05/2018 14:25

Where have I said that drinking stops people from being able to look after their children

You said drinking stops people looking after your children. Which by definition includes you and their other parent.

Wolfiefan · 18/05/2018 14:25

Drank a drop. Massive overreaction. So a toast at a wedding or a birthday? A sip of champagne? What about alcohol in a Christmas pudding? Totally OTT.

Luisa27 · 18/05/2018 14:26

Very eloquently put @ICantCopeAnymore

Agree with you 100%

Delatron · 18/05/2018 14:27

Exactly reanimated it's a few glasses of wine not cold hard drugs.

It's obviously fine to be teetotal but to claim 'oh I never drink alcohol around my kids' is giving the wrong impression. You are not drinking around your kids because you don't drink full stop. It's no self sacrifice for them. Then you are putting the two together and judging anybody who dares to enjoy a glass or two when in charge of kids. You don't know their tolerance or how slowly they drank those glasses.

Ohmydayslove · 18/05/2018 14:28

iCantCopeAnymore

So serious question do you do all the child care every Christmas Day after your dh has rocked his life with that one can?

LemonysSnicket · 18/05/2018 14:29

Half a bottle is only 2 glasses...

Gottagetmoving · 18/05/2018 14:31

You should give your mil a choice,... Drink a glass or two of wine OR look after my child!
She will probably choose the wine Grin I would! 😊

Swipe left for the next trending thread