Who's in the right here?

[HarshingMyMellow]

DPs friend came to our house earlier to drop off a bag of photos for us to sort through (celebrating a big birthday for DP and want a sort of montage.)

I was going through them and found pictures of DP cuddling up to a woman while he was out with a group of friends for a stag do. I was a bit as to why he was the only one with pictures with her, why she was the only woman there and why she was in the group picture of them all.
DP had his arm around her in the group photo while his friends stood separately.

The aspect that really made me suspicious was that when DP showed me his photos from the stag do, she wasn't in any of them.

I asked him about it and he laughed and said she was the barmaid.
Now, I could maybe believe that if it was just one photo, but a whole bunch? And the fact it feels like he concealed the photos from me? My spidey senses are tingling.

When he explained that she was the barmaid I just gave him a 'Hmm okay' because I'm tired, on a lot of pain relief after an op and genuinely cannot be bothered with having an argument.

He has now taken to calling me crazy, nuts, strange, a psychopath and that I'm out of my mind before stomping off to bed demanding an apology?

I haven't directly accused him of anything, I said that it was a bit odd but that's about it.

I'm now thinking that his reaction is quite defensive and that I'm well within my rights to question who the random woman at his friends stag do is?

So AIBU? Or is he acting strange?

Until his reaction I would have said its probably nothing, but his reaction. Suggests something's up. You wouldn't react like that if it was totally innocent

@TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon that's my exact trail of thought.

It's just so odd to kick off when there is absolutely nothing to kick off about.

if it is innocent you'd thought he'd have just laugh it off, explained and moved on. The fact he's overreacting is bizarre.

How long ago was the stag do?

@Wifeincognito exactly.

He's now back downstairs (I'm sleeping in DDs playroom because of the op) and slamming about in the kitchen muttering something about 'crazy bitch' and 'trust'

I'm gobsmacked if I'm honest, never has he acted this way before.

@Whyarealltheusernamestaken February of this year

If I'm honest, you sound a little suspecting and mistrustful, so I can see why he's annoyed. My first inclination looking through a pile of photos certainly wouldn't be to try and catch my DH cheating. Has he given you any previous cause to be suspicious?

@CalF123 I wasn't looking specifically for photos of cheating. There was a bundle from the stag do and photos of just DP and the woman were coming up time and time again.

The only reason it really entered my mind to ask him who she was, was that there were no photos of any others from the stag with the woman (apart from the group photo) and the fact that she hadn't appeared in ANY of the photos that he showed me when he returned.

Even then, I was only curious.

It's only his reaction that had caused me to think anything else. It's bizarre and very out of sorts for him.

"The lady (your DP) doth protest too much, methinks." Trust your instincts.

@Aquamarine1029 agreed.
When things have cropped up in the past we have had a conversation, aired any concerns and then moved on.

But now? Very odd.

I want to say don’t worry, but why didn’t he just tell the truth if it was innocent. Sorry this would worry me to. You deserve an explanation

Another question; Who gets that cosy with an employee at a bar that they take photos with them all night?

There lies a guilty conscience! In the words of William Shakespeare He ‘doth protest too much! Methinks’

I would let him calm down, unfortunately he has an inkling that you know he has done something. So he likely has deleted any evidence there might have been on the phone.

Do you think she might be an escort/ prostitute? It would explain the reluctance of the other men in the group to be pictured with her.

@Whyarealltheusernamestaken I want to believe him, I really do.
But the way he stormed off set some alarm bells ringing.

I don't think I'll ever get an explanation apart from 'she's the barmaid' though.

Are you for real @CalF123 ?!

@CaledonianQueen I honestly have no idea. If anything, I think it's more likely that she were a stripper.

But even then, it wouldn't be anything for him to hide. I thought we'd built enough trust to be able to tell each other things.

Something strange is going on, I know that much.

You need to talk tomorrow him

To

Oh @CalF123 you are funny! Love this new character you are trying out.

OTOH if she wasn’t just the barmaid, would his mate have really brought those photos around?

The potential red flags for me would be the fact she doesn't appear in individual photos with anyone else and that she had her arm around him. I'm not sure whether that would be enough for me to suspect something though unless there was a previous history of cheating.

@Whyarealltheusernamestaken I know. He's taken himself back off to bed, I'll try and speak to him calmly tomorrow.

@AnnieAnoniMouser I did think that too. Though the friend is marrying one of my closest friends, so unless they are trying to tell me something in a really backwards way then it's most likely nothing.

It still doesn't totally add up either way.

@CalF123 there's no previous history of cheating but there is no previous history of this behaviour either.

He has never acted like this, whenever he's been out in the past he has always showed me the photos afterwards (I don't ask him to) and if there's been a woman or a group of women he's just said 'oh we met them at the bar' or something along those lines.

Not once has he stropped off calling me crazy.

If you are friends with the bride, can you ask her DF who the woman was? You could say your dh had forgotten her name, he must have been worse for wear.... Maybe devious but your dh is behaving appallingly which makes me think something went on. How close is your DH to the groom? Would he(groom) tell you if it was an escort/ stripper/ mistress?