Who's in the right here?

[HarshingMyMellow]

DPs friend came to our house earlier to drop off a bag of photos for us to sort through (celebrating a big birthday for DP and want a sort of montage.)

I was going through them and found pictures of DP cuddling up to a woman while he was out with a group of friends for a stag do. I was a bit as to why he was the only one with pictures with her, why she was the only woman there and why she was in the group picture of them all.
DP had his arm around her in the group photo while his friends stood separately.

The aspect that really made me suspicious was that when DP showed me his photos from the stag do, she wasn't in any of them.

I asked him about it and he laughed and said she was the barmaid.
Now, I could maybe believe that if it was just one photo, but a whole bunch? And the fact it feels like he concealed the photos from me? My spidey senses are tingling.

When he explained that she was the barmaid I just gave him a 'Hmm okay' because I'm tired, on a lot of pain relief after an op and genuinely cannot be bothered with having an argument.

He has now taken to calling me crazy, nuts, strange, a psychopath and that I'm out of my mind before stomping off to bed demanding an apology?

I haven't directly accused him of anything, I said that it was a bit odd but that's about it.

I'm now thinking that his reaction is quite defensive and that I'm well within my rights to question who the random woman at his friends stag do is?

So AIBU? Or is he acting strange?

Hope you're ok OP

I'm sorry op.
But you are well rid of the asshole.
Well done on trusting your spidey senses.

You are so well rid of him. Can you manage on your own whilst you recover?

I'd love to see the look on his cheating face when he realises his threat to separate was not protested by you!

I’m so sorry op. He’s a fucking knob. You deserve so much better. You’re well rid.

Hope you’re ok

He's most likely a cheat. He's certainly a liar, and an abusive one at that.
The massive blustering over-reaction is a decoy to divert away from the issue and gives him space and time to create a story.

Attack is the best form of defence isn't it.

Him and his mate have obviously concocted a story together haven't they? So she was the DJ now? Not the barmaid? DJs can't really be out the DJ box for 15 photos in different positions draped round your dp?

Where were they? Can you make enquiries at the bar about this female DJ?
Strange she was the only female in the photos though, if he met a random on a night out surely her mates would be with them all too?

Try and get a look at his phone, texts to his mate might give this away.

You'll probably never know the real truth here though op.

What an asshole. So now either he doesn’t care at all and is happy to walk away in which case you’re better off without him. Or he’s trying to manipulate/blackmail you into “forgetting” about that night and never questioning him again, in which case you’re also better off without him.

I tried to see this situation from a neutral standpoint but all of his actions point to some kind of cheating. Whether it was on one night or longer, you may never know. But no innocent person would act the way he has.

Sorry you’re going through this, but he is the one who’s lost out and like a pp said, it wouldn’t surprise me if he ends up trying to worm his way back in with you. You are clearly worth more than this idiot.

I also think his reaction speaks volumes. But in addition, he has done almost nothing to help you when you have needed him given your last post too. Is this really someone you want to be with?

You know I had a feeling but didn’t want to be rude. I even looked for the pics on google.

Some people need help. I wonder whose the baby really is.

Sorry wrong thread

I wonder what the 'before things get nasty'means.Is this that the truth is worse.
I would pass a message back to his mate who sorted the photos,just a simple thank you.
I think once your hip is OK again you will be better off without him and it sounds as if you have the means and support.

Just take his suggestion to split up. You're not compatible. He clearly doesn't want someone sneaking through his past quizzing his friends and you want to know the ins and outs of everything, it's not exactly a match made in heaven.

His past @balsamicbarbara?? It was Feb of this year!!

Hope you’re okay OP

He's doing all of this rather than just tell the truth and own up to whatever consequence you decide. Well done on being so calm dignified with what he's putting you through

@balsamicbarbara

He clearly doesn't want someone sneaking through his past quizzing his friends and you want to know the ins and outs of everything, it's not exactly a match made in heaven.

🤣 Yeah, she's the unreasonable one here right enough 🤣

For what it's worth, I think the friend was trying to give you a heads-up as well. Nobody prints out photos like that by accident.

And he's walking out when you're recovering and need help? What a prince...

@gravytrains you'd have to ask his friend that. Again, I'm not a crystal ball.

Thank you to all the kind posters with your lovely messages.

He left this morning, my dad has come to stay with us for a few days and I'll get by the best I can! Before he left he said 'are you sure you don't want to rethink your decision?' My reply, 'you've made it for me!'

I'm never going to beg anyone to stay, I'm worth a lot more than that.

@Apileofballyhoo he would never walk out for no reason. Over the years we've spoken things through and he is never one to back down.

He clearly walked away before his lie could come back and bite him on the backside!

@Fuckwithnosensesauce I should of really noticed how difficult he was being while I was in hospital. At the time I was so grateful when he did pop up to see me, but when he was rushed in with his appendix I was there whenever he needed me.

Thank you.

@Tatiannatomasina he was very dramatic in packing his bags, coming into my room and saying 'is this mine?' about obvious things such as his aftershave. It was just ridiculous.

We will see what happens next, but I couldn't let him back now. I'd never trust him and it's not a healthy way to live.

Thank you.

@Failingat40 he's shown me a completely new side to him. I was in an extremely abusive relationship a good few years ago and his reaction reminded me so much of my ex it was frightening.

I'm trying to get some information from the bar, but they have no recent photos on Facebook. I'm not sure if I can be bothered to dig any further, I'm pretty sure I know whatever he's done will be unforgivable.

@Storm4star I think he was hoping that by saying he was leaving before it got 'nasty', I'd just drop it. He clearly doesn't know me at all, it'll be a cold day in hell before I get treated like a doormat again.

Thank you.

@LearnFromThePast I agree. I didn't want to burden him too much because he works long hours and sometimes doesn't get home till late (which is normal) but he was more than happy to watch me struggle about the house.