Who's in the right here?

[HarshingMyMellow]

DPs friend came to our house earlier to drop off a bag of photos for us to sort through (celebrating a big birthday for DP and want a sort of montage.)

I was going through them and found pictures of DP cuddling up to a woman while he was out with a group of friends for a stag do. I was a bit as to why he was the only one with pictures with her, why she was the only woman there and why she was in the group picture of them all.
DP had his arm around her in the group photo while his friends stood separately.

The aspect that really made me suspicious was that when DP showed me his photos from the stag do, she wasn't in any of them.

I asked him about it and he laughed and said she was the barmaid.
Now, I could maybe believe that if it was just one photo, but a whole bunch? And the fact it feels like he concealed the photos from me? My spidey senses are tingling.

When he explained that she was the barmaid I just gave him a 'Hmm okay' because I'm tired, on a lot of pain relief after an op and genuinely cannot be bothered with having an argument.

He has now taken to calling me crazy, nuts, strange, a psychopath and that I'm out of my mind before stomping off to bed demanding an apology?

I haven't directly accused him of anything, I said that it was a bit odd but that's about it.

I'm now thinking that his reaction is quite defensive and that I'm well within my rights to question who the random woman at his friends stag do is?

So AIBU? Or is he acting strange?

@balsamicbarbara oh please. I'm guessing if you accidentally came across photos of your partner cuddling up to another woman, you'd just brush them under the table?

I wasn't snooping or digging up his past, if you read the thread you'll see that the only reason I was looking at photos was to put a montage together for his birthday. You know, trying to do a nice thing.

I also don't want to know the ins and outs of everything. He normally tells me what happens on his nights out or whatever because he wants to, not because I'm holding a gun to his head.

But, when I see photos of him cuddling up to a strange woman, then yes I do want to know who she is. Nothing wrong with that.

@Lavalamped thank you. I refuse to sink to his level, I'm never going to cry, scream or shout over a man. If he wants to walk, he knows where the door is.

Well, clearly he does as that the option he took!

@juells most likely.

Sorry for you, but you sound strong and resourceful. You'll be grand 😘

Sorry it came to this.

Onwards lass. I hope you heal quickly and well.

Well something was obvs festering away in him for him to go to flounce
mode so quickly.

Keep your chin up op.

I’m sorry op but it sounds for the best.
I would contact the friend who dropped the photos round?

That accelerated so quickly. Do you have children together?

All I can say is, good for you. You showed him you’re no fool and he’ll be kicking himself now I’m sure. His manipulative little scheme backfired on him spectacularly. Good. He clearly doesn’t deserve you.

Hope you're doing ok.

OP you sound like a strong women who has obviously had a lot of shit in the past and you're not taking it any more, good on you!

The very least you deserve is an apology for his attitude and you didn't even get that, I hope you can move on and when your ready to, find someone who treats you the way you deserve xx

Good luck, OP.
I suspect he may want to come back at some point. Do not take him back. He cannot be trusted.

Focus on your healing and your DD.

Thinking of you OP! You have been so strong! He obviously thought that by threatening you with leaving, you would be so vulnerable because of your health, that you would beg him to stay and forget all about the photos!

He is a gaslighting, abusive, cheating asshole and you deserve so much better! I am so glad that you have your Dad there! Is your apartment/ house in joint names or just in your name? He isn’t about to make you sell is he?

I would contact your friend and tell her what happened. Hopefully now he has made it obvious that he has left you, you will actually get some truth from her DF.

How are you getting on? Has he spoken any more about it?

Thank you all for your lovely messagesI've had a busy weekend really, just throwing myself into as much as possible so I apologise for not replying sooner.

@Seabreeze18 he's been away for the past few days but is popping round tomorrow with my friend to talk about what happened. They are both as confused as me.

@Sunflowersforever maybe. I wasn't prepared to let him guilt trip me or threaten me with leaving unless I apologised though. No one has that much hold over me, not anymore. One DD.

@CaledonianQueen the house fortunately is just in my name. I'm hoping to see both of them (friend who dropped the photos and his partner) tomorrow. Maybe we can air the situation but they sound just as baffled as me. Thank you 

@Canwejustrelaxnow Nope not heard another word from him. His mum called me to ask how I was and mentioned how strange this whole thing was, but that is as far as it goes. I'm well, thank you

Hope you get better soon and so sorry for the way things have turned out with your partner

You are well rip op, and good on you for not being a mug /doormat and falling for his crap.
Life will be better without him I am certain.

What a dick. Good for you for not following your side of his script. I hope you recover well from your op and he doesn’t get too nasty

@HarshingMyMellow - how are thing's?

Just checking in. Thank you again for all your lovely messages, I am 100% better off without him. I didn't realise how much he was holding me back until he went, it's like a weight has been lifted. I thought everything was going well for us but looking at it from the outside, it most definitely wasn't!

I've been doing okay, I had another thread about DD being in pain with her tooth so his mother came to take us to the doctor (I still can't drive .) I tried to call him and sent him a text to say that she wasn't feeling 100% before calling his mum, but he didn't answer. Bearing in mind that his phone is glued to his hand 24/7, he without a doubt ignored them.

Still haven't heard from him apart from a few calls where he lets it ring a few times, puts the phone down and then sends me a message to say 'Oops wrong person.' I'm not buying into silly games, so I ignore it. If he's got something important to tell me he can leave a message or -you know- come to the house, see our DD and tell me. Pillock he is.

You think you know someone... He sounds really immature. Any news on the woman in the pic? Has he asked to come back yet?

@Canwejustrelaxnow I'm surprised at just how much I didn't realise about him. I thought I was a lot more clued up, clearly not.

Nothing about the woman at all, I'm still no better off than what I was when I started the thread. Not going to waste anymore headspace on it though, I've got bigger things to worry about.

Nope hasn't asked to come back, haven't heard from him at all. It's like he's completely removed himself from both mine and DDs life. Right now, with his attitude, I couldn't care less. I feel awful for DD though.