Who's in the right here?

[HarshingMyMellow]

DPs friend came to our house earlier to drop off a bag of photos for us to sort through (celebrating a big birthday for DP and want a sort of montage.)

I was going through them and found pictures of DP cuddling up to a woman while he was out with a group of friends for a stag do. I was a bit as to why he was the only one with pictures with her, why she was the only woman there and why she was in the group picture of them all.
DP had his arm around her in the group photo while his friends stood separately.

The aspect that really made me suspicious was that when DP showed me his photos from the stag do, she wasn't in any of them.

I asked him about it and he laughed and said she was the barmaid.
Now, I could maybe believe that if it was just one photo, but a whole bunch? And the fact it feels like he concealed the photos from me? My spidey senses are tingling.

When he explained that she was the barmaid I just gave him a 'Hmm okay' because I'm tired, on a lot of pain relief after an op and genuinely cannot be bothered with having an argument.

He has now taken to calling me crazy, nuts, strange, a psychopath and that I'm out of my mind before stomping off to bed demanding an apology?

I haven't directly accused him of anything, I said that it was a bit odd but that's about it.

I'm now thinking that his reaction is quite defensive and that I'm well within my rights to question who the random woman at his friends stag do is?

So AIBU? Or is he acting strange?

He's avoiding you as he knows he's a rubbish liar. He's hiding something and I'll bet his mate knows too.

I'm 50/50 on this one but either way his behaviour is bizarre and something is obviously going on with him, the question is what!

What is it he’s even asking you to apologise for? Asking who someone was in a photo?? Where’s his apology for the awful names he called you? What an ass.

I think his behaviour is saying all it needs to.

So sorry OP.

Who prints all their photos out these days and chucks them all them in a bag to bring round, let alone potentially damming photos of their mates!? Surely you would just have a flick through the pictures on a camera/phone?

I initially assumed these were old photos from years ago until you said they were from February this year.

Equally odd behaviour from his mate if you ask me.

His reaction says it all.

I don't think it's that uncommon to print photos? Is it?
I go through and print all of my fav photos every couple of months and make proper photo albums, I think it's nice to have them to flick through in a book - we all spend too much time staring at screens as it is and I've lost/broken 2 phones and all the photos on them in the past!

Well that's exactly what I mean. These days with digital cameras you just print out your favourites when you get chance and stick them in an album if that's your kind of thing.

Most people I know store them digitally on a computer/phone/cloud unless they want specific ones printed out for a particular reason.

You don't print out incriminating pictures of your mate on a stag do and hand them to his partner in a bag to do a montage for his birthday. It's not like it's an 'oopsie that's just what was on the film roll' it's a very deliberate action.

You don't print out incriminating pictures of your mate on a stag do and hand them to his partner in a bag to do a montage for his birthday. It's not like it's an 'oopsie that's just what was on the film roll' it's a very deliberate action

I haven’t had photos printed for a while but I remember when I last did, I used my computer to just upload an entire online album, which was printed off and sent to me. Looks to me like OP said to mate “can I have some photos etc” mate then thinks “oh stag do will have lots of pics” and just printed the lot without thinking. Then probably just stuck them in a bag to give to OP. But I could be wrong!

Not a normal reaction at all OP.
What I don't understand is why the friend brought round photos that could be incriminating. Surely if there had been something going on with a woman on a stag do the last thing would be to hand the evidence to the wife?

Could his mate have wanted you to see the pics so you see for yourself what he has been up to if he disaproves?

His reaction is over the top and suspicious
Hope you are ok OP

Definitely a strange reaction
“We aren’t talking about it till you apologise”

He is hoping that you won’t apologise, then he can stick to his guns and not talk about it! Or if you do apologise then he can say “you clearly think you’re in the wrong if you’re apologising”
It’s the logic of a 7 year old though.

He sounds like a prize prat. I don’t blame you at all for being a bit dubious.

I'm not 50:50
Been there and got the t-shirt.
My ExH did exactly the same when I heard something.
I found out a few months later he'd been cheating for months.
With someone in another country FFS!!!
Trust your instincts OP.
They are rarely wrong.

The pictures had only been printed out because I was planning on doing a montage for his big birthday coming up. We were going to have all of them put in a massive frame, and have his friends sign their messages on there.

His friend went through his phone/social media albums and printed all the pictures he could find of DP. The stag was also the most recent 'big' night out, so as @Storm4star said he most likely printed them without thinking.
It was meant to be a nice idea, wish I hadn't bothered now!

Friend has visited, she doesn't recognise the woman but also wasn't aware that there was a woman present.
It may well be the barmaid, but I just cannot understand why someone would go out of their way to get 10-15 pictures with the barmaid on a night out with friends. It's a relatively busy bar too, so surely she wouldn't of had the time to sit down for photos. I know when I was a barmaid I didn't have any time for breaks once I was on shift.

Strange behaviour all round.

@eightfacesofthemoon he is behaving worse than a 7 year old. Our DD can hold herself better than what he has.

@ObiJuanKenobi that's how I feel. His reaction just makes it blindingly obvious that something has happened, I can't believe he thinks I'm that naive.

@hellsbellsmelons I'm sorry to hear that

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to apologise for either I will throw my hands up and admit things when I'm wrong. But if they are innocent, I still didn't accuse him of anything.

HarshingMyMellow

"He has now taken to calling me crazy, nuts, strange, a psychopath and that I'm out of my mind before stomping off to bed demanding an apology?"

That and the edited version of pics he showed you are the biggest red flags to me.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to apologise for either
Well of course you aren't.
Because there is nothing to apologise for.
In his mind you need to apologise for finding out he's cheated without a good story sorted out to throw you off the scent.
I hope your friends has some answers.

They probably weren't in the pics he showed you because he didn't take any with his camera/phone. His reaction says it all here though. I'm afraid I would be very suspicious about this. Sorry OP

I started to doubt whether I was acting a bit crazy, but it's impossible. I only asked him in a very general way 'who is that?'
There was no accusations being thrown about.

Definitely a very guilty reaction there :/

You say there were 10-12 pictures of him with her, what kind of pictures, like cuddling and stuff or what?

@Trinity66 they were pictures of him cuddling her, arms around waist with him standing behind her, she was even sat on his lap for one of them!

I don't mind harmless flirting, but this is just one step too far.