To not pay for the present

[bannanahammock]

I will try not to drip feed but at the same time try not to overload with useless info.

I have been with DP and I have a 1 year old ds, we have been together 2 years.
Money is a bit of a strange situation to some, DP likes to keep his very separate, has a lot tucked away in a savings account & would never disclose how much. I don't ask, this was his before we met.
Since having DS and we both decided I would go back to work on a part time basis to reduce childcare costs, resulting in my wages taking a dramatic hit, DP now earns nearly 4 times my wage.

It is his nephews 1st birthday on Friday. This is the only other child on that side of the family other than our DS - I however have 5 nieces and nephews.

I asked DP if he would like me to go and choose a birthday present, pick up a card etc as he is working all week, and if so could he transfer the money into my account as I don't get my wages for another 2 weeks and after my cars tax bill this month I don't have alot spare. Now I don't begrudge paying for Dns present as I do see them as our family rather than his, but when it comes to my families bday/xmas presents I fund these from my own wages and DP will not contribute a penny to helping me out, I therefore save myself throughout the year ready for when xmas arrives.

DP looked horrified that I'd asked him to send the money over and asked 'well where's your money?' I explained I only have enough in my account now to see me through til payday, and out of principal I fund my side of the families presents so I think he should do the same. This has escalated into something huge, and he thinks I'm being totally unreasonable, and is now not speaking to me.
Am i being just being stubborn? I really think he is the one BU.

OP ....due to the surprise baby you are having to do the things-post birth that most people would realistically and ideally do before they set-up and start family. But you are where you are.
The fact is, your DP, being the way he is with money will struggle to ever settle down in a true equal partnership with anyone ....right? Unless of course she was a millionaire.
I am a strong believer in having audit trails in life.....long story, but it's served me well. On the back of several heated and tearful rows with the guy...don't just walk away. Be a grown woman, at least try and formalise what you want from him, very specifically in a clear way. If nothing else, say you do end up parting company, this may strengthen any legal claim you want to bring against him for child maintenance, financial abuse etc.

'this may strengthen any legal claim you want to bring against him for child maintenance, financial abuse etc.'

It will have no bearing on all on what he is legally obligated to pay for the support of her child. They are not married, so there's no legal claim for financial abuse. Suggesting someone remain in a financially abusive relationship is bonkers beyond belief, just mind-blowingly FUBAR.

Tinkobel there is no excuse for the financial abuse that the OP's DP is putting her through. None. It doesn't matter where he gets his ideas from, or whether he knows that his modus operandi is abnormal or not. It doesn't matter whether he says he loves her or not.

OP's legal claim for maintenance from her DP would have nothing whatsoever to do with either the OP or the DP's behaviour. It is worked out according to the non-resident parent's earnings, number of nights the child spends with each parent, other dependent children etc. NOTHING to do with the OP trying to "formalise what she wants from him".