DH left kids alone at night

[nottakenpersonally]

AIBU? I came home from work to find kids asleep, and no sign of my DH.

He came back 15mins later claims he was at neighbours. Has been 'popping back' to check on them.

I am not impressed. He thinks it's 'borderline' but did it anyway. Apparently oldest DD was awake and aware of where he was, when he went.

GreatDuckCookery

He did not correctly assess the risks. He ignored them and he got a little bit lucky.

We have no evidence that he checked them every 15 mins, in fact there’s evidence to the contrary. My four year old opened a (locked) front door recently to a delivery driver - he has never done anything like that before, I would not have predicted it. You can’t tell that because your children have not done something daft before that they won’t suddently start.

DH says he had been checking on them regularly, every 15 mins or so.- I have no reason not to believe him.

I work for Children’s Services.
We would certainly carry out at the very least an initial home visit - leaving a 3yr old home alone (because the 8-yr old cannot be left in a supervisory capacity) IS neglectful.
Where the father was is honestly irrelevant, in 15-20mins, the OP entered the home unnoticed and the children were at risk and were not checked (anyone could be in and out in that time scale, kidnapping may be unlikely but burglary less so). He might as well have been at the other side of town.
Absolute stupidity.

You 're in childrens services and you can't tell the difference between being 5metres away and the other side of town? I do hope you are lying about your job

A good while back I too worked as part of a health visiting team dealing with child protection issues. This wouldn't register as an issue, for starters it's so subjective.

An isolated report of parent going next door, or out in the garden or just into their own garage or shed whilst their children were asleep would not on its own be indicative of neglect.

You 're in childrens services and you can't tell the difference between being 5metres away and the other side of town? I do hope you are lying about your job

Quite.

Mary what would CS's do if they'd spoken to a parent about them being next door while their dc were asleep plus regularly checking on them, found that these children were healthy, happy and very well looked after but the parent in question carried on going next door to chat to his neighbour?

What would be their next step?

Not acceptable that would be strike one tbh

I call bullshit on his 'I was checking them every 15 minutes'. No, he wasn't. If he'd given that much thought to his kids, he'd have said to the neighbour 'come up to my kitchen and we'll chat there, I need to keep an ear out for the kids'. Nothing to stop him doing that. Shit parenting.

What about the Aliens?

OMG I would never trust him again if that was my partner

All these people playing down the risks by making daft comments aren't changing the fact that, however unexpected a fire or a burglary or a serious accident might be, we are talking unexpected rather than rare. It's not unicorn territory. Fires happen every day, all over the place. That's why we fit smoke alarms, because, as unlikely as it is that our houses are going to burn down, if they do, and our kids burn to death, we're not going to be sitting there talking about how unexpected the fire was. We're going to be asking why we didn't fit a fucking fire alarm.

He would have heard the bloody smoke alarm from next door let alone seen and smelt the smoke.

Why do you think there's more risk of a fire just because an adult isn't there.

He was NEXT DOOR.

It would never even occur to me to go into NDNs' house for a chat whilst leaving my DDs on their own. Regardless of how unlikely it is that something will go wrong, that's not the point. Our DDs have woken up with nightmares, because they're sick or simply need the toilet. I wouldn't want them to wake up and find themselves without a responsibly adult in the house.

three year old is far too young to be left alone at all.

8 year old would pop to the garden/bin/garage assuming they were adjacent to the house.

He would have heard the bloody smoke alarm from next door let alone seen and smelt the smoke.

Yeah, didn't notice his wife had come home, but he'd definitely have been on high alert for smoke.

Much ado about nothing.

Kids weren’t alone, they were asleep, partner was next door.

The most realistic scenario to occur here is that the kids keep sleeping, not aliens or fire or child kidnappers.

Thinking of worst case scenarios is stupid.

I work for Children’s Services.
We would certainly carry out at the very least an initial home visit

No you don’t and you wouldn’t. Children’s Services have enough of a struggle getting around to children whose parents leave them alone for 8 hour shifts or just passed out drunk to bother with a Dad who popped next door.

Simples just say if alone invite neighbour here or in the garden. Worst case scenario the 8 year old could have gone to look if they knew where Daddy was.

But I think since a high profile disappearance not many would take the chance. Some may call it MN hysteria, which is all fine and good till something bad happens, then there's immediate vilification.

Butterymuffin do you know where exactly he was whilst next door? Because the OP doesn't, she said she wasn't sure if he was in the garden or the garage. He may have heard her come home and decided to keep chatting.

@MightyMucks Agree.

Unfortunately having family and close friends' who work in child protection I've been told about what constitutes neglect. This definitely isn't.

I also remember when the NSPCC guidelines came out - most parents and carers of children thought they were ridiculous as whether a kid can be left alone or not, or in charge of smaller kid(s) depends on each individual child.

GreatDuckCookery

I don't think there is more risk of a fire because an adult isn't there. I think there is a greater risk of death because an adult isn't there. Bollocks he would have heard the smoke alarm from next door.

You don't even have to start thinking about whether it's safe or not.

All these people playing down the risks by making daft comments aren't changing the fact that, however unexpected a fire or a burglary or a serious accident might be, we are talking unexpected rather than rare. It's not unicorn territory. Fires happen every day, all over the place

But they don't really, to people who have adequately fire proofed their house and take precautions. Fires do happen, but usually when people are careless or reckless. Smoking, candles, dodgy electrics. I'm very old and have never lived in a house that went on fire, and don't know anyone who has, except one and that was entirely their own fault.

This is the point, your risk perception is banjoed. You can't assess properly.

Sorry, posted too soon.

You don't have to get as far as calculating the safety element in this scenario. Sensitive parents offering a secure base to their children, stay within hearing distance of a 3 year old when they're sleeping, just in case they wake up and call to them.

Perhaps some of the difference in opinion here depends on whether a parent is concerned with promptly and appropriately responding to their child's distress. Something a parent can't do when they can't hear them.