Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left kids alone at night

201 replies

nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 22:33

AIBU? I came home from work to find kids asleep, and no sign of my DH.

He came back 15mins later claims he was at neighbours. Has been 'popping back' to check on them.

I am not impressed. He thinks it's 'borderline' but did it anyway. Apparently oldest DD was awake and aware of where he was, when he went.

OP posts:
Sunbeam18 · 14/05/2018 22:44

Need more info - was he in the neighbours house or just the garden? Were the kids locked in the house?

ohcecelia · 14/05/2018 22:44

Nope, I wouldn't be happy either. For those asking what could have happened - a family friend of mine left her 9 year old once, not even for long. She came back to a burning house and her DD could easily have died.

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 22:45

Kurri kurri eek good point!

This time, everything is fine fortunately. Once the kids are asleep they generally stay asleep.

Thanks for your reassurance all that it's not me being overly anxious and controlling. I will be having a strongly worded discussion.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 14/05/2018 22:45

Not on - we have just recently started to leave DD10 and DS8 for about 15 mins during the day to give dog a quick walk or go to the shop. They are locked in & know how to get out of the window if there is a problem. Plus they have an iPod with Facetime on it. They are old enough to use a phone etc. I wouldn't leave an 8yo in charge of a 3yo. I wouldn't be happy at all.

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 22:46

Sorry stellen not trying to drip feed!

OP posts:
HouseOfGingerbread · 14/05/2018 22:47

I think it completely depends on the children, how they felt about being left, if they would know what to do if there was a problem etc. Can't judge but I doubt it's an LTB situation.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/05/2018 22:48

He was next door not in the pub!

Again, what do people think could have happened while the father was NEXT DOOR and popping back every 15 minutes?

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 22:49

Not planning to LTB! Just wanted to Garner opinions before we discuss it together, and agree boundaries.

OP posts:
IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 14/05/2018 22:51

Why didn’t they talk about hobbies at your house ?

Fruitcorner123 · 14/05/2018 22:53

GreatDuckCookery the OP doesn't say how long he left them only that once she arrived home he was another 15 mins. He coud have been far longer

What could have happened? The 3 year old could have woken up and been wandering the house looking for him terrified, she could have gone to look for him and tripped down the stairs, one of them could have been sick and needed care, the older one could have got up and started fiddling around in the kitchen trying to make a drink or snack and had an accident there, one of them could have left the house to look for them. etc.etc.

HouseOfGingerbread · 14/05/2018 22:55

Nottaken, no I didn't think you were! But it sounds like others might. Discussing not raging is the way forward.

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 22:55

Excellent point isaid!
Great Duck, thank you for persisting with your POV. I suspect this is how DH views it.

Thank you all for your range of opinions. I am going to ask MN to remove the thread now as I may have given too many identifying details. Stopped short of a diagram though!

OP posts:
ohcecelia · 14/05/2018 22:55

Fruitcorner - exactly right. A fall or a banged head could turn nasty if not attended to immediately.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/05/2018 22:56

Sorry my mistake. I read it that he was checking on them every 15 mins! Yes that does make a difference that he didn't come back to check.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/05/2018 23:00

Tbf the OP did say that once they were asleep they stayed that way. And he did check on them to see if they were ok.

How long overall were they left OP?

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 23:00

DH says he had been checking on them regularly, every 15 mins or so.- I have no reason not to believe him.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 14/05/2018 23:01

You still haven’t said if they were in the garden or in the house. That makes a big difference to me, as you have stated hat you can hear in the house from the garden, and I’d probably have less issue with that, as if either child cried out, you’d know. If he was in the neighbours house, having a cuppa or a beer, I’d probably be a lot more annoyed about that.

Gonegirlfriday · 14/05/2018 23:01

A fire, greatduck. He could not necessarily have got back into the house.
A three year old falling down the stairs while looking for a parent.
A child choking with no one to rush in and dislodge the whatever.
It is irresponsible.

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 23:04

Sorry SD. I don't believe they were outside, as I drove past their drive to get to mine. I think I would have heard or seen them if they were outside. I think they were in the garage. DH clearly didn't hear me drive jn, which indicates that he may not have heard child-related noise.

OP posts:
Llanali · 14/05/2018 23:05

It would matter if they were in the house or in the garden to me too.

If in the garden and I could hear and see the house, I wouldn’t necessarily have much issue. Assume neither child is unwell at the moment, etc.

And the choking thing I don’t understand. It’s always raised on threads like this but a) how likely is a sleeping child to choke, b) even an awake child, if not eating and c) if either a or b were to happen whilst the adult was asleep in another bedroom or watching tv downstairs, would they hear it anyway!? Choking can be very quiet.

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 23:06

3yo is a bit of an escape artist; but doesn't usually wake once put to bed til 23:30 - midnight.

OP posts:
Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 23:06

No-one unwell. All asleep when I got back. P

OP posts:
Chottie · 14/05/2018 23:09

No, no, no and no again.

I cannot think of any situation when this would be acceptable. Why couldn't the neighbour come into your house instead?

I think your DP has been unbelievably lax with the two most precious people in your lives. Ok, nothing happened, but it could have. Has your DP done this before?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/05/2018 23:10

Personally I wouldn't have a problem if it were the garage, if the house could be seen from it. He was checking every 15 mins. The hysteria about houses catching fire when a parent leaves the house on MN is mind boggling.
If the children were prone to being unsettled or waking up and getting out of bed I could understand why someone would be annoyed but if they're fast asleep and being checked regularly there isn't much of an issue imo.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/05/2018 23:15

If he was checking every 15 mins he would have been in the house when you arrived