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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left kids alone at night

201 replies

nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 22:33

AIBU? I came home from work to find kids asleep, and no sign of my DH.

He came back 15mins later claims he was at neighbours. Has been 'popping back' to check on them.

I am not impressed. He thinks it's 'borderline' but did it anyway. Apparently oldest DD was awake and aware of where he was, when he went.

OP posts:
Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 23:16

Chottie not that I am aware of. I don't think it will happen again now.

Great Duck, thanks. I appreciate everyone's answers. Good night all.

OP posts:
TERFragetteCity · 14/05/2018 23:17

So...he didnt even hear you come back?

WidowTwonky · 14/05/2018 23:18

he didn't notice you arrive home. You could've been anyone entering the house.
Totally out of order

Gonegirlfriday · 14/05/2018 23:19

If he didn't see or hear you arrive he wouldn't see or hear anyone else arrive.

Original poster
nottakenpersonally · 14/05/2018 23:20

True. Other neighbours did though!

OP posts:
CurlyWurlyTwirly · 14/05/2018 23:21

The kids would have been really upset if they he’d woken and not been able to find him

Branleuse · 14/05/2018 23:23

actually next door and coming back to check often? No big deal

CaledonianQueen · 14/05/2018 23:23

The McCanns were regularly checking on their children and yet poor Madeleine was still abducted. Whilst there is a small likelihood of a predator stealing your children away, there is no denying that you were able to enter the house and it was 15 minutes before he returned (which proves he was lying about checking every fifteen minutes or he would have been in the house when you got home!). I absolutely do not believe that your DH was religiously checking on them every 15 mins.

I would be concerned how many times he had to check (especially with his describing checking multiple times) as this is looking like at least an hour where your children were for the majority of the time alone.

Yes, theoretically they should be fine but he wouldn't know if one of them were vomiting in their sleep and choking, or if a sickness bug hit and a child, their bed and the entire contents of their bedroom were clarted in vomit/ diarrhoea and a hysterically sobbing toddler/ 8-year-old. (Not far-fetched considering this happened with my 10-year-old only a few months back- high sleepers are a nightmare when sickness bugs hit).

I would ask your eldest if they have been left alone frequently and if it is common for them to wake up and their Daddy to not be in the house. Depending on their answers I would be asking why on earth he hasn't told you about his trips next door!

Why didn't he ask the neighbour to come over to your house? Or arrange to have a yap when you were not working?

IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 14/05/2018 23:30

If he was checking every 15 why didn’t your paths cross during your return. Also if he was sooooooooooooo diligently watching how did he miss your arrival and arrive back himself 15 mins later for his next alleged scheduled check? If you got in the house without him seeing, was the door unlocked - could anyone have waltzed in?

Skittlesandbeer · 14/05/2018 23:32

I’d be more concerned about the future. Humans (and sorry, especially men) tend to think if nothing went wrong the first time something risky happened then the risk decreases and it gets more and more ‘ok’ to do it again or to up the stakes. This is only true if it is a skill-based thing, and you improve your skills. Not when you’re talking about supervising small children. It is not a sign that they are ‘old enough’ to be left, just because he did and nothing bad happened!

I think you have to be the ‘something bad that happened’. Enough telling off that he doesn’t risk it again. Sadly some people can only respond to self-interest.

Getting kids used to new, risky or independent situations is good and important. It needs to happen slowly and carefully, as and when the kid is ready for it. Not because Daddy can’t control the need to have a casual chat about new bike parts. Sheeesh! What else is he putting this brilliant mind too???

GabsAlot · 14/05/2018 23:46

mccanns reckoned they checked on the kids aswell

why did t u cross paths if he reckons he was checking them

CalF123 · 15/05/2018 00:19

Obviously it looks awful on paper, but I think plenty of people would be perfectly happy to put the washing out at the bottom of the garden and leave the DC inside, for example, which could quite conceivably be further away than next door.

I'd definitely be telling him not to do it again, but I don't think it's crime of the century.

TuTru · 15/05/2018 00:20

Omg I would’ve gone apeshit!

Clarissa111 · 15/05/2018 00:25

I agree I’d be pretty mad if my husband. But being honest not much could happen in a few minutes while he was next door. In no way am I taking away from your feelings op. He was wrong.
But I wouldn’t bring them mcanns into it. There’s proof that they weren’t checking, or maybe weren’t even at the restaurant that night. That’s a completely different subject.

huha · 15/05/2018 00:56

Not a big deal given 1-they we're asleep, 2-he was right next door, 3- he was checking pretty regularly.

Had he been on the piss, not checking, and further away I would have an issue. It's England, not SA.

CaptainCabinets · 15/05/2018 11:07

He was only next door! 8yo knew where he was, it’s not as if he just abandoned them to go off to Tesco without either of them knowing. What is it with the hysteria about kidnappings, fires and choking the second a parent steps over the threshold?! Confused

Also, no way are people still genuinely believing the McCanns’ version of events?

myfriendbob · 15/05/2018 11:10

Thanks for your reassurance all that it's not me being overly anxious and controlling. I will be having a strongly worded discussion

You are being overly anxious and controlling, and need a strongly worded discussion with yourself, not with your co parent who is not a subordinate to be told off by you.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 15/05/2018 11:15

You should have hidden with one of the children and given him a right scare when he got back and realised one of them was missing. That would wake him up to the reality of t.

LagunaBubbles · 15/05/2018 11:16

But I wouldn’t bring them mcanns into it. There’s proof that they weren’t checking, or maybe weren’t even at the restaurant that night. That’s a completely different subject

Yep otherwise it wont be long before this thread disappears!

Pengggwn · 15/05/2018 11:22

Couldn't be married to someone who needed telling not to leave a 3 year old on their own for what was clearly longer than 15 minutes. Shock

Pengggwn · 15/05/2018 11:30

CaptainCabinets

They were unsupervised. He was breaking the law.

CalF123 · 15/05/2018 11:35

@Pengggwn

It's not against the law to leave a child unsupervised.

Pengggwn · 15/05/2018 11:36

CalF123

It is if it leaves them at risk.
A three year old alone is at risk.

Oblomov18 · 15/05/2018 11:36

I disagree. Fruit corner listed a number of things that might have happened. Most of those are unlikely: OP has said that both dc are good sleepers and don't wake. And weren't ill -going to be sick.

We have 2 garages, separate from our house. I pop over to them all the time, both when dc are awake or asleep. "Just nipping to the garage boys".....

Youngest dc can be transfixed on x box for 2 hours and probably wouldn't even notice if I was abducted for a week!! Wink

Pengggwn · 15/05/2018 11:37

Oblomov18

Disagree with me or someone else, sorry?

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