inheritence

[guzzlepuzzle]

Soooooo....what does everyone think about inheritance and how it should be split if its only left to one sibling? I have recently been left in excess of 120k by a family member. None of my siblings were. I have given 20k each to my siblings yet apparently I'm being unfair (according to some) by not splitting it completely three ways? AIBU to not split it equally? We are not yet on the property ladder and i have children of my own so this is a huge leg up for my family too.

Just to add whatever the responses i wont be giving anymore away but i just wanted to get a wider view.

Your father is vile.

You father sounds awful. Is it possible that he uses his money and the proposed distribution of any inheritance as a way of controlling the rest of the family.

sounds to me like your granny was trying to right a wrong wrt getting you on the property ladder, YANBU. In my view, your siblings are lucky you gave them £20k. Moaning about what you got when a GP died whether you were in the will or not is not a sign of a good person.

On the other hand, I feel inheritance should be state mandated to stop people playing favourites unfairly - this doesn't seem like a case of that though.

I've had to talk my P out of writing a small set of GC into their will because of the bad feeling it'll cause - there's no good reason they wanted to do this other.

the amount will never be enough and it was not the wishes of the deceased. we have a right in the UK - england - to leave our money to who we want too.

Its just tough and I'm amazed after you have been so incredibly kind, they want more. Ask them to ask their dad now.

needasock obviously you cant expect them to share but bloody hell it would be nice if they did .

@cloudtree that's exactly what happened when my paternal grandfather died (he was estranged from them as my grandma left him when they were little because he was a violent thug who beat them). His will split his estate between his 3 children but as my dad had died years previously his share "died with him" meaning the estate was then split 2 ways. My Aunt and Uncle didn't even consider giving me and my siblings what would have been our dad's share as their eyes were full of pound signs...

I know that, due to the wording of the will, we 3 children were entitled to nothing, but given that my dad was their much loved big brother who died unexpectedly (and rather young) leaving a widow with three young children to raise alone we were very saddened that they didn't even consider giving us a penny.

It's caused a massive rift in our family and we haven't spoken for more than 15 years...

It should be noted that my uncle is/was very money orientated. After his father's funeral we went back to the empty house where my uncle started rifling through drawers and cupboards looking for valuables. He even raided the fridge for things to take home!

Money brings out the absolute worst in people!

foo its extraordinary isn't it.

So disrespectful. So hideous.

Foo, I hate to say but if you gf died after your df died and kept the will "as is" I think his intentions was for a continued 3 way split??

It has been arranged in my family that if I die before my dm my son gets my "share" of the inheritance. Inheritance can be terrible and I have sadly as well as fortunately seen both sides of the coin.

My df died young and literally all the vultures came out of the wood works to help my widowed mum, the amount of stuff stolen is ridiculous, my own inheritance was stolen by my uncle under the pretense of safeguarding it until my 18th.
That is when the account it was supposed to be in was found missing, he had emptied it years before, and closed it when no one was suspecting anything. I could do nothing to get it back, sue him or anything without incurring massive legal fees that would eat up anything owed. We are NC obviously.

PrettyLovely she sounds worse the more you talk about her. You’re absolutely right she shouldn’t have gone against your father’s wishes, not because of the money but because the money represents your father’s love for you. That’s why people get so upset about it and why telling people they’re grabby for wanting to be recognised by their own parents is really unhelpful.

Quite clearly it’s she who should be embarrassed by her behaviour, not you but unfortunately that’s easier said than done: you feel how you feel. It’s so sad that your father didn’t even get the death or the burial he wanted. I wonder if it would help you to go where he wanted to buried and do some kind of personal ceremony for him there: read a poem, say a prayer, plant a flower for him.

Good for you for going NC.

In law it is yours. I does annoy me when benefactors do this as it always causes trouble. Morally you may give something but you already have. Tough it out. They will get over it. The person left it you for a reason, but it is divisive. A tricky one. If its another relative complaining, not the siblings, none of the relatives business

@Marmitesoldiers thank you

OP if your siblings are ok with it, then that's the main thing. If I was in your position I'd have done the same, mainly because I would think about how that money would benefit my children and their future. My GPs passed away within a year of each other and I'm going through inheritance stuff at the moment and will say that wills are one of those things that have the pierre to cause friction regardless of how "fair" things are shared

I got a small inheritance from 1 grandparent and I don't know if any other DGCs did (never saw the will) - I think it was mostly split (equally) between the DCs of the deceased and I know my own parent did give a gift from that to all of their own DCs. But there are at least 3 very good reasons why I might have been mentioned, and it was not so large a bequest that sharing was a real option.

In another case, the grandparents left everything to 1 DC (not the eldest) and trusted them to "look after" the other 5 equally. That DC has not, but retained not only the house (which was still their home, in fairness) but all the money in the bank as well (substantial - I understand it would have been well into 6 figures although nowhere near 7). There has been quite some bitterness about that, very quietly in the background, but by more than 1 of the other DCs. And items which various DGCs had been promised have never materialized (no problem for me except I would have liked one of a number of examples of something specific which had almost no monetary value - but they all got thrown out before I was aware).

It sounds like you have been quite fair OP, and that your DSiblings feel that way too from the way you write it (it comes across as another of the DGCs is upset rather than your own DSib).

I hope your own DP will look after you all (DSibs) in due course in their own will.

shirking we have that option. Its called intestate. Thankfully we have the freedom to make our own decisions regarding where our wealth all £2.50 of it goes via the way of making a will.

DH has also recently been in a situation where his DGPs died some years ago but the understanding always was that 1DC living at home inherited but that it would be split equally between the other 3 DCs on the death of that original DC. Instead 1 of those DCs inherited the lot. While the other 2 had died in the interim, it had been indicated that it was written in such a way that the widows would be the beneficiaries - but in fact, the childless DC left it all to the favoured DSibling and nothing at all to the other 2 families. There is huge bitterness because of that (1 Widow is speaking but in general terms to the inheritee, but the other has gone NC - both widows continue to talk to each other though).

One of the siblings here is described as well off, the other not. I just wonder how they feel, a fuck off from a gran playing favourites, a fuck off from ddad in the pipeline and a sibling who doesn't share fully. They are a very decent person if they don't feel hard done by.

Variation on the theme.

I one drafted a will for a wealthy man, widower, three grown-up children.

One of them was married with children and in business and his father thought that his marriage and his business were both on the rocks; so he left a one third share to that one’s grandchildren, to keep it out of the hands of the creditors and his not-so-dear DIL.

The marriage and the business did indeed collapse, the creditors got very little and the ex-DIL nothing.

Five years later my client died; followed in short order, unfortunately, by his divorced son. The grandchildren inherited a lot of money - they both bought houses outright - and ex-DIL was not amused.

Right, people. You are one of those grandchildren. Will you share with Mummy?

(They didn’t. Nor with the creditors either )

I think it depends on the situation. My mum was disinherited by her stepfather - this despite the fact that she did the most caring for him out of her and he half-sisters. My cousins were left money too - me and my Dsis weren't.

My aunts and their children duly pooled the money and split it so that my mum and aunts got an equal cut, as did my cousins and the two of us. But there was no expectation on our part that they should do that, it was their (generous) choice.

It should be said that my grandfather was a very unpleasant individual and probably a narcissist, and so the three siblings were always very united (against hime).

I know you say the other people are saying they're happy but I'm pretty sure it's hurting. Years ago my friend, who has a brother, was told by their dad that when he died he wanted his estate to first pay of her brothers mortgage and then what was left would be split between her and her brother. (She was renting). He asked if that was okay but my friend new she had to say yes and that it was entirely up to him but she was very hurt about it.

You're generous to have given them £20k each. I'd ignore the other relations.

If the deceased wanted it shares. They would have done that.

While leaving them nothing in the will wasn't nice unless they really disliked them...it's your money.

It seems to me to be such an old fashioned and often patriarchal view that the 'head of the family' will sort it out after the death of the testator. So much depends on that person's good will and understanding of other people's lives.

I would dread my DB being left to sort out DM's estate. He is lovely but totally disconnected from real life. He would mean well but end up inadvertently upsetting everyone!

If relatives can give their money to who they want in life, they have the right to do the same upon death.

If the deceased didn't like you enough to leave you anything...You need to accept that was their wish.

Inheritance is not an entitlement. The deceased could leave it to the Cats protection league if they so choose.

Making a will shows their intention, otherwise they would not have bothered and by default it would go to the NOK...or be equally split among surviving children.

Instead of getting miffed with the beneficiary...accept that the deceased didn't want you to have any of their money.

Being the executor of any will of a decent size with multiple beneficiaries is nearly always going to be thankless. It’s people’s misguided expectations that are always the problem, and how many people are very clear about who is getting what before they die?

I think most people write wills with the intention of them being 'right' by their own lights and dealing with what is in front of them at the time. They get written then put away and largely forgotten about.

Except that things change, children grow up, more children get born, relationships change. By the time the will is executed its effect can be quite different from that intended.

It's a bit glib to say that the will is what the testator intended and that if they wanted to leave their estate differently they would have done so. In the testator's head they have written a will and it's all settled.

Except that the contents of the will are not vague intentions, they are very precise. If you write in your will that you want to split your estate between A, B & C then that is how your estate will be split even though it excludes D who was born after the will was written.

Of course people should update their wills on a regular basis but most people dont because in their heads it is all sorted, their estate is being left to their DCs/GCs forgetting that as they have been named their estate will only go to the named people.

Executors have to follow the instructions in the will but that does not stop the beneficiaries sorting out the estate amongst themselves afterwards if they want to correct an unfairness.

You can write a will that states equally between children/grand children/ etc so that is not quite correct. You can also have a will written prior to marriage if you have the correct clause.

Helpmeplan yes of course but some people choose to name the beneficiaries and then life overtakes the will.