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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

inheritence

205 replies

guzzlepuzzle · 14/05/2018 21:06

Soooooo....what does everyone think about inheritance and how it should be split if its only left to one sibling? I have recently been left in excess of 120k by a family member. None of my siblings were. I have given 20k each to my siblings yet apparently I'm being unfair (according to some) by not splitting it completely three ways? AIBU to not split it equally? We are not yet on the property ladder and i have children of my own so this is a huge leg up for my family too.

Just to add whatever the responses i wont be giving anymore away but i just wanted to get a wider view.

OP posts:
chocatoo · 14/05/2018 23:03

I think you should share equally OP, unless there is a reason why you deserve more, e.g. if you did a lot more for her. What would your grandfather have thought of what she has done?

SubtitlesOn · 14/05/2018 23:03

I think you have been very generous to your siblings

I think the person who writes a will and leaves money to whoever has their reasons and has probably spent a long time deciding who would benefit the most from the money

This money will change your and your children's life for the better giving everyone stability for years to come and therefore reduce your stress levels - I think it was perfectly fine for your relative to decide what to do with their money

SubtitlesOn · 14/05/2018 23:05

I do therefore think that with parents and their children it is a bit different to my previous post

myrtleWilson · 14/05/2018 23:06

For those saying she should split the money equally- why just to her siblings, why not to all the grandchildren?

I think you've managed a difficult situation as well as possible OP

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 14/05/2018 23:12

OP you have been more than generous you’re under no obligation to give a portion to you siblings regardless of the amount.

I wonder if this relative who is dripping poison in your siblings ear would share a substantial inheritance, I think not.

Do not give anymore of it away and use it for a property or for your children’s future.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 14/05/2018 23:14

If I was left the money I wouldn’t have given any of it away. It was left to you for a reason.

bettytaghetti · 14/05/2018 23:16

Did your father and his siblings receive equal amounts?

Yvest · 14/05/2018 23:19

I would split it equally amongst my siblings without hesitation. I wouldn’t think twice

dinosaurkisses · 14/05/2018 23:30

I'd be very wary of anyone here saying they'd split it fairly OP- it's very easy to be generous with a hypothetical windfall, but when it suddenly becomes a reality it becomes more difficult.

foreverandalways · 15/05/2018 00:08

I would have kept the whole amount to myself for sure. Greed is nasty...u will never win and they will always want more. Just let it go and enjoy

CFTrollsSmell · 15/05/2018 00:41

NeedsAsockamnesty. That’s really shocking. What an awful woman. That’s sad that you don’t think your siblings would share.

HerRoyalNotness · 15/05/2018 02:06

I’d would be so happy with the 20k and extremely grateful. If it was me inheriting I’d probably split equally with my DB as he is much worse off than me and I worry for his future. I also have SS and 1/2 siblings, very messy family. Ha. I’ve just sent a letter to my grandmothers lawyer on my 1/2 siblings side to forfeit my portion in their favour.

thebewilderness · 15/05/2018 02:43

I wonder if this is the sort of thing the old saw about looking a gift horse in the mouth was invented for.
I do not say they are wrong to resent that the person played favorites but expecting you to give them what the benefactor clearly did not want them to have after you gave them a share is looking a gift horse in the mouth.

ScrubTheDecks · 15/05/2018 03:11

“I would have kept the whole amount to myself for sure. Greed is nasty...”

Oh, the irony....

SD1978 · 15/05/2018 03:55

Boone can answer this unless they’ve been in that situation. To receive a life changing amount, which this would be for many people, and then choose to give away £40,000 when you could have had £120,000 and had things even easier, shows you are already generous. The person in your siblings ear- assuming spouse or in law, is being a shit. They have received more than they were bequeathed (nothing) and you’ve given more than you had to (which was nothing) and your dad has kept everything- as his his right. At least you and your siblings are ok- I’d hope the interferer doesn’t get a platform.

highFrequency · 15/05/2018 04:25

I personally would split it with my siblings.

I think you're being unreasonable.

Pumpkin1975 · 15/05/2018 04:38

I’ve been in a similar situation, although not with quite the same amount of money. When my last remaining GP died, she decided to leave the majority of her estate to be split between all her grandchildren except one. Her reasoning, I think, was that said GC had already received a large inheritance from the deaths of his parents, and was in a much better position financially than the rest of us. This was my GP’s decision to make and we abided by it (myself and my other cousins all got around the 30 grand mark). However, the cousin who was left nothing immediately cut off all contact with the rest of the family, and despite several of us continuing to try to keep in touch via cards etc, this has now been the situation for many years. In retrospect, I wish we had got together and divided the money equally, but at the time we felt we were respecting the deceased’s wishes. I suppose what I’m trying to say is don’t let money get in the way of continuing a good relationship with your family.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 05:21

In a way it’s a bit of validation what I haves felt my entire life.

Needasock
That’s an interesting way of looking at things. I am the unfavoured sibling. As far as I am aware, I’m in the will. However, she is depending on her golden child abusive and violent son to be executor.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 05:23

I meant to say. Sorry you found this out. Dreadful behaviour. Flowers

Just out of curiosity op, are your siblings on the property ladder or they in a better position to be so than you? Not saying you should give them the extra money. But that this argument could be hurtful.

chicaxe · 15/05/2018 05:42

I would share it equally with my siblings. I think you could regret it one day if you don't. Your relationship with them will never be quite the same now. Can't you feel that?Money is the root of all evil and all that.

GnomeDePlume · 15/05/2018 05:46

I think it can depend on when a will was written as to what is 'fair'. DH's GF wanted to name his grandchildren in his will. DFil persuaded him not to. Thank goodness he didn't because he would have excluded some of DH's cousins born after the will was written.

It wasn't a big estate and the legacy was a token of a GF's love for his GCs. Naming the GCs and therefore leaving out the late arrivals would have had the opposite effect of that intended.

Twofigsnotgiven · 15/05/2018 06:15

There’s no problem with what you’ve offered - it’s £20k more than they would have had. However, you need to be prepared for your relationship with your siblings to be changed forever. Unless there’s a specific and justifiable reason for the disparity (eg you were a carer, siblings had no contact), they will feel justifiably hurt at the division of assets in the will, and by association you. It might not be fair, but it’s to be expected. Your parents (and other family members) may also try to redress later down the line by leaving more money (or even giving) to your siblings than you.
Was the family member particularly canterkerous? Because to me, without any special circumstances explaining the disparity, it seems like the will was intended to be divisive. My great grandma was like this - she used to play favourites. It wasn’t a nice trait.

Helpmeplan · 15/05/2018 06:32

The siblings anger should be at the deceased not the op. It is the deceased who wrote the will, the deceaseds whose wishes expressed. I hate seeing this scenario, but it happens time and time again.

Who people will their estate to is their business and I feel that those wishes should be adhered to.

Mind you, easy for me to say as an only child and grand child.

People are very strange about money, especially when it comes to inheritance

tillytown · 15/05/2018 06:37

Pumpkin1975 I can't blame him, you lot sound horrible. Poor guy lost his parents, his grandparents cut him out of their will, and then his cousins snubbed him. That's just nasty.

PrettyLovely · 15/05/2018 06:41

"For those saying she should split the money equally- why just to her siblings, why not to all the grandchildren?"
Because the other parents were splitting theres between their kids and because a siblings relationship is closer in my family, I would feel awful my grandparent had left them out and it would actively make me cringe to be the favoured one.
My mum changed her and my fathers will after he died and wrote me out and enjoyed telling me she was leaving me out, It wasnt about the money it was about the point she was making with it.
I am a naturally giving person and would rather give than receive.