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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

inheritence

205 replies

guzzlepuzzle · 14/05/2018 21:06

Soooooo....what does everyone think about inheritance and how it should be split if its only left to one sibling? I have recently been left in excess of 120k by a family member. None of my siblings were. I have given 20k each to my siblings yet apparently I'm being unfair (according to some) by not splitting it completely three ways? AIBU to not split it equally? We are not yet on the property ladder and i have children of my own so this is a huge leg up for my family too.

Just to add whatever the responses i wont be giving anymore away but i just wanted to get a wider view.

OP posts:
helloBuddy · 14/05/2018 21:36

There is reason why you got left the money, I'd be happy if my sibling did this for me. Split it how you want. 20k each is a huge amount of money to give away.

Aspergallus · 14/05/2018 21:38

A parent or grandparent doing this would compel me to share equally with my siblings.

There's have to be a very good reason not to -siblings with drink/drug problems, I'd provided an unusual level of care etc...

Do you know why you were favoured?

VivaKondo · 14/05/2018 21:38

There are plenty of reasons why one would want to leave some money to one person but not the other siblings.
This was the choice of the person who died to split the money that way. I think it should be respected.

As the recipient, you can chose to then give some of that money to someone else, eg siblings, but this should be a gift (and therefore whatever they want it to be) not some calculation from splitting ‘equally’.

Beside, if the OP really wanted to split things equally, then the money should be split into 10 grand children. Not just between her and her siblings.....

OohMavis · 14/05/2018 21:38

Were you left it because you were favoured over your siblings, or because you are the eldest and were the only one named on the will (which hadn't been updated)?

HeddaGarbled · 14/05/2018 21:41

Honestly? I think you should split it equally. I know that's easy for me to say as it's not me giving away such a life-changing amount of money. But it was grossly unfair of your grandparent to favour you in this way and hurtful to your siblings. You have it in your power to right this wrong.

Your share of the inheritance will still give you a leg up on your future aim of house ownership, and will do the same for your siblings. A few years delay to the achievement of this aim will seem like nothing when you are all in your 50s & 60s, but accumulated resentments and inequalities set in chain now could loom very large in your relationships by then.

Andrewofgg · 14/05/2018 21:41

You have been more than generous in giving away one penny piece of what's yours. Equal division is fair if there is no will: if there is, what the maker of the will wanted is by definition fair.

Takfujuimoto · 14/05/2018 21:41

I think you're being incredibly generous and if it were me and my sibling/s felt disgruntled at a whopping 20K when otherwise they'd get nothing I would probably take their share and split it between my grateful siblings or give it to their children instead.
How rude do you have to be to sniff at that kind of gift?!

YWNBU to keep it all so in this case YADNBU and in fact sound lovely.

These kinds of threads make me feel glad my DH is an only child, he received a six figure inheritance and there were no squabbles about it.

Original poster
guzzlepuzzle · 14/05/2018 21:42

I don’t know why me and not the other 9 grandchildren but it’s either because I was closer to her than any other grandchild OR she knew my siblings wouldn’t get from their dad so gave to me to help them. Either way I’ll never ever know as that wasn’t stated but I feel giving 20k each to them is a huge amount but still leaves me with enough to get my own property too ensuring mt children’s future is secured.

OP posts:
WeirdyMcBeardy · 14/05/2018 21:43

Personally it was up to your GP, they are lucky to be getting anything. I'm not sure I'd do the same if I'm honest (but my family is very fractured and odd). I will be in a similar situation one day, although slightly different in that for certain reasons, I'm far closer to the GP in question. The money (if it's there) is much much less, certainly not worth sharing out, but I won't be splitting it with anyone. There are reasons for it being the way it is and that's that. I know full well true colours will be revealed then.

VivaKondo · 14/05/2018 21:43

Re being unfair....

There is a reason why you got the money. It might be that the deceased thought you had a harder time than the others, that you were there for them more than The others. That you have gone over board to help etc.... it might be that they thought you needed that money more.

But it can’t be unfair if you dint split it equally between your own siblings but ok to split it between you and NOT between all the other grand children.....
That makes think that actually your siblings are quite grabby. After all p, the grand parent could have been fair and split equallly between all of the grand children and they wouod have been left with much less.....

Bullnoway · 14/05/2018 21:43

Personally, I think you are choosing between your siblings and this money. In this circumstance, would never, ever keep it and would split it equally between me and my siblings. Because I wouldn't want the inevitable wedge between us which it would cause. I would prioritise my relationship with my siblings. I find the idea that you wouldn't really impossible to understand. And sad.

Bagofworries · 14/05/2018 21:43

I think it depends how close you are to your siblings.
No amount of money would make up for the rift it would cause not to share it equally, but then I'm close to my siblings. I value my relationship with them more than any amount of money.
However, if you're not close to your siblings and don't have much to do with them, it probably won't affect you in the same way as if you were.

Original poster
guzzlepuzzle · 14/05/2018 21:43

Also I was the only one (other than her children) named to be a beneficiary , it said nothing more and nothing less than my name and the fraction I was to receive .

OP posts:
OohMavis · 14/05/2018 21:45

Are you the eldest grandchild?

Bagofworries · 14/05/2018 21:46

I agree with Bullnoway.
I couldn't put a price on my dc's relationship with their aunts and uncles.

mydietstartsmonday · 14/05/2018 21:46

I think you have been more than fair. Use the money for your family.

PersonAtHome · 14/05/2018 21:46

What a horrible decision to make as a grandparent, how cruel. I can't imagine leaving such a sum of money to one of 10 grandchildren, it's just mean!

Of course it'd be very difficult to hand over any amount of money when it's been given to you, so you've done well to part with the £40k. He or she shouldn't have put you in that difficult position. I like to think I'd split it equally with my siblings but I know I'd struggle to give it away once it'd been given to me.

It's bound to cause resentment later though, so your grandparent has left some family nastiness for you to deal with as well as your inheritance.

Original poster
guzzlepuzzle · 14/05/2018 21:46

To be totally clear. My siblings are close to me and we are in no way falling out over it. I’d give it all away before that happened but as I said originally it’s something I’m asking myself and I wanted to put it out there as I can’t ask friends they are biased one way or another. Also again to talk hypothetically is hard . No one really knows what they would do until put in that situation.

OP posts:
VivaKondo · 14/05/2018 21:46

Btw, I have been in that situation and was the grand child who didn’t get anything.
That’s life. My cousins got some money. I am respecting the GP choice and getting in with my life just like it was before because I actually haven’t lost anything iyswim. The inheritance wasn’t a DUE. More being very lucky like you could be lucky winning the lottery.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/05/2018 21:47

I think you have been fair as you need not have done anything. That said I would have been devastated as would my siblings and cousins if my Grandmother had only left money to one Grandchild.

marjorie25 · 14/05/2018 21:47

If the person that died wanted your siblings to have any money she/he would have left them some.
I think it is generous of you to give them something
If they are complaining this just proves how right that person was not to leave them anything in their will.
I would be grateful, because before you gave me the 20,000, I had 20,000 less in my bank account.

Bumdishcloths · 14/05/2018 21:47

It's all very well people saying split it equally but if you were the only named beneficiary it is yours. If I had a chance at the property ladder I'd take it - you've given them a share which you weren't obliged to do, and £20k is still a significant sum of money.

Original poster
guzzlepuzzle · 14/05/2018 21:48

Ooh mavis no I’m not but the eldest of the ones living near her.

OP posts:
Unsureneighbour · 14/05/2018 21:48

Hmm I'm approaching this from the other side as my brother recently inherited from my grandmother, he was the only one out of five siblings who was left anything. It feels completely shit, to be honest Sad both that my grandmother would send such a blatant 'fuck you' from beyond the grave, but also that my brother doesn't see it as that and is happy just to keep it all.

If it were me that had been the only one I would have been appalled by her playing favourites and absolutely have split it equally between the five of us, but I appreciate it's my brother's money and totally his choice. I also accept I am financially comfortable so the money means less to me than it would to someone in a different situation.

mump0ints · 14/05/2018 21:48

You’ve been more than fair. Fair doesn’t mean equal. Is the whining person whining to the parents to split equally also?

Buy your house, enjoy your life.

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