inheritence

[guzzlepuzzle]

Soooooo....what does everyone think about inheritance and how it should be split if its only left to one sibling? I have recently been left in excess of 120k by a family member. None of my siblings were. I have given 20k each to my siblings yet apparently I'm being unfair (according to some) by not splitting it completely three ways? AIBU to not split it equally? We are not yet on the property ladder and i have children of my own so this is a huge leg up for my family too.

Just to add whatever the responses i wont be giving anymore away but i just wanted to get a wider view.

In the future if you were left out of a different inheritance/will but your siblings did inherit would they split it at all?

Bull noway I am certainly not choosing that is an assumption. If I was choosing I wouldn’t have shared a penny. My dad has been left the same as me but isn’t sharing any at all.

I wouldn't expect anyone to give me money from their legal inheritance. If your siblings are upset, they should be upset with the grandparent who wrote the will, not you who freely chose to write them large cheques out of what you received.

I’d be splitting it equally. No question.

In fact, my aunts did this when my mother was unaccountably left out of her father’s will.

I’ve seen how devastating that can be, and how important it was that my mother’s sisters were fair, and righted a wrong.

Read the thread people! The siblings aren’t the ones complaining!

@TheRagingGirl that must have been devastating for your Mum. Even with your aunts splitting the money fairly it must have made her feel awful.

£20k is a huge amount and would surely benefit and help them too. You didn't have to give them anything and it was nice of you. But if you are still left with a massively bigger amount, I could see where people may talk. I assume your dad's share would be equally split in the future when he dies?

I’d split equally and I don’t even like two of my siblings 😂. I’m a big believer in simple fair split wills. I’m much closer to my parents than two of my siblings one of which is a nasty shit and is NC with my parents (and everyone else in the world) but my parents will still split their wills equally. I agree with them completely.

Despite living furthest away from my parents I’m already the main carer. I don’t like the view that some posters seem to have that I should be financially rewarded for this. I’m not doing it for the money and I wouldn’t dream of accepting more of any inheritance because of it.

My SIL used to have an aging relative around once a week. She hated him as he was unpleasant, sleazy, sexist, racist and lazy. I couldn’t understand why she did it....... until he died and she ended up with his money. I guess she earned it!

Definitely agreeing with the context what preceded this split, but to put a different slant on it... picture this...

You win the lottery and then your siblings complain you didnt give them enough despite the fact that your lotto win minus gifts would set your family up. Do you think you would feel the same?

It was up to your family member who they left the money to. It was you- 20K is a huge amount of money. This was a lovely gesture from you and sibling shouting 'Its not fair' is just... ungrateful.

Family member didnt owe any of you anything- they should be thankful that you have chosen to split this money with them.

Yes I would split. Favouritism is an ugly thing.

Well I repeat it again.

IF THE OP REALLY WANTED TO BE FAIR, SHW WOUOD SPLIT THE INHERITANCE WITH ALL THE BRAND CHILDREN, ALL 10 OF THEM. NOT JUST HER SIBLINGS

By sharing ‘equally’ with her siblings, she isn’t making things fair at all. Because you still have quite a lot of grand children who are missing out.

Your father won’t be sharing because he sees he got the same than his own siblings iyswim.
Of course, he could well be sharing with his own dcs too. But might well think it will all be done with his own inheritance.

No no my dad will use his share and his future will is even less “fair” but that’s life we will cross that when we come to it. I just want to also add if this was a parent I would absolutely split three ways no question. It wasn’t and I didn’t have to give anything , and if I was to be totally fair I probably shouldn’t have split 10 ways but I havnt .

I will never understand family members who do this. As much as you'd hope it wouldn't, in the majority of families I think it would cause a bit of an upset.

I think you've been very kind to give them 20K each, thats a huge amount of money and I would have been very grateful.

I think you made a decision which falls in the reasonable spectrum. Talk no more about it nor listen to anyone criticising you.

Entirely reasonable, good on you for giving them something each that was kind. Do what you need to for your own family.

I would split it equally between my siblings, I dont like it when parents/grandparents play favourites its nasty.

I am very likely to inherit a large sum from my aunt. She has told me so.

My siblings will not inherit from her.

I have always been close to her. I call her every week at least. I visit. I send cards. I love her and she knows it. My siblings have not seen her for twenty years and don't ever get in touch. So no, I wouldn't share it (if indeed it does not all get spent on care fees)

Thanks for everyone’s input . Certainly given me a wider perspective .

If it had been an inheritance from a parent I'd be inclined to split it equally (assuming there weren't very valid reasons) but a grandparent is more removed and it's not unusual for some gcs to be closer to a gp than others. I think you've been generous giving them 20k each and you should focus on your own family's needs with the rest.

It sounds as though it would all have gone to the deceased's adult dc if you hadn't been included in the will so the other 9 gc were never getting anything unless their own parents gave it to them.

This has put you in an impossible situation. Nothing you could do would be right and sorry, but it leaves me with a pretty poor impression of your grandparent. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation but there is no right answer, as you are balancing the interests of your siblings and concepts of 'fairness' with your natural impulse to put your children's future above everything else. Can't see who could sort that out.

If there are different circumstances such as one family member (and their family) being much poorer than others then it seems reasonable to split according to need.

In all other circumstances an equal split would be best.

And actually being a carer costs a fortune. I don't do it for my aunt as she does not need it but I do for my DM and did for my DF and over the years I have spent thousands on food, petrol, parking in hospitals, bits of clothes, minor household repairs and maintenance not to mention lost earnings so actually yes I think I should be compensated for that. It isn't why I do it but hardly fair that siblings who do nothing and are happily progressing with careers and going off on cruises/safaris/"trips of a lifetime" should get the same. But they will.

In what way is your Dad’s will unfair?

I would have split the money 3 ways. I think it’s odd and uncomfortable that family inheritance money isn’t equally apportioned and I value my relationship with my siblings more than I care about money.

Scrub the decks I don’t know it is I just predict it will be but like I said we will cross that bridge when we come to it. If anyone is left any money or gifted any in life it’s a bonus . A lucky bonus and never should be expected. This was a total shock for me I had no idea at all and didn’t ever expect anything.

Sod them. That person clearly left it to you for a reason and when does money like that just turn up? You have wonderful opportunity to invest it, house purchase and other chances which can be beneficial to you and your family.