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Original poster

To wonder why people stay Mrs after divorce?

312 replies

TrainsandDiggers · 13/05/2018 19:03

Linked to the other popular thread (which I apologise I have not been able to read all of, so this may be repeating somewhat...) I’ve often wondered why some women chose to remain known as Mrs after divorce. Even if they want to keep their surname, why the title?

(No judgement on anyone who does this btw - just genuinely curious).

OP posts:
TryingToForgeAnewLife · 13/05/2018 19:33

Her

blackteasplease · 13/05/2018 19:37

I am divorced and never changed my name or title. Well, when i first got married I still called myself Miss (everyone female in my profession is officially Miss at least in the role I was in at the time) but I sort of drifted into sometimes being Ms outside work.

I'm usually called Ms nowadays but lots of people called me Mrs MySurname and even though it sounds like I'm my Mum I don't really mind.

Dljlr · 13/05/2018 19:40

I've kept it cos I'm hoping next time it changes it will be to Dr; but I'm so fucking behind on the PhD I've probably got more chance of getting married again first. Either way keeping it seems like less hassle, plus I hate the title Miss. Dunno why, always have.

dlnex · 13/05/2018 19:47

All paperwork reasons as posted & to be petty and childish towards ex H subsequent wife, it bothers her that I retained Mrs ex DH Name

BitchQueen90 · 13/05/2018 19:51

I'm still Mrs and have my ex's surname because that's what it says on my passport and I am not paying to renew it before it's due in 2023. Grin

I refer to myself as Ms though when people ask.

Snape · 13/05/2018 19:56

If I were to get divorced then I think I would keep my married name so I could be the same as my children. However, I have a cousin who was married at 19, had a child and divorced about a year later. She has always kept her married name, and her subsequent children to other partners also have her married name, hyphen, new partners name. Which I have always found strange.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 13/05/2018 20:01

I couldn’t wait to be Miss Maidenname again. I didn’t want Ms as to me it screams ‘divorcee’ and I’d rather no one knew I was previously married

Metoodear · 13/05/2018 20:05

Because people don’t take you as seriously as a miss when you have kids they just don’t

Helmetbymidnight · 13/05/2018 20:06

So many people don’t like the word ‘Ms’

Funny that.

IFeelPretty · 13/05/2018 20:07

My mum kept her married name as she had had that name for many years.

I was never married to my DCs dad, we have never shared the same surname but I'm still called Mrs Dads Surname. I just correct them.

Dieu · 13/05/2018 20:10

Op, I don't blame you for being curious, and as a recent divorcee, I too had been wondering about it. I have decided to stay Mrs + married name. Reasons are that I work in a school, and all the children know me as Mrs X; I want to keep the same surname as my children; it would be too much of a faff to change.

CherryBlossomPink · 13/05/2018 20:11

For me, reverting back to my maiden name, or back to Miss would feel like saying that half my life was a mistake. Although I’m seperated and in the process of divorcing a cheating ex, I still have no regrets about marrying him as it was right for me at the time.
My name and title is now part of my identity, and I’m not changing who I am because I’ve started a new chapter of my life - if my name ever changes again, it will be a forward step, not a backward one.

AngkorWaat · 13/05/2018 20:12

I’m divorced and kept the surname, and most of my stuff still hasMrs on.

After dealing with an adulterous ex, sorting out the divorce, moving house and making sure my kids and my own mental health were all ok, the last thing I wanted to do was piss about changing my title/name on anything.

Even if I had, everyone looks at me with 2 kids and assumes I’m a Mrs anyway. It’s just kind of a non issue for me.

Phillipa12 · 13/05/2018 20:17

Wanted the same surname as my dc and also can not be arsed to sort out all the paperwork, really big faff and ive got better things to do!

Micah · 13/05/2018 20:18

Is it a legal title? As in you can get into trouble if you use miss when you’re married?

My understanding was you can pick whatever title you like. It is just social convention. I use Mr a lot of the time as i don’t like the alternatives and no one has arrested me yet!

HateIsNotGood · 13/05/2018 20:18

Didn't post on the other thread but I am a Miss (or amiss?) and having got to mid-50s and remained so, I'm rather proud of it (rightly or wrongly) and happily declare it.

In my mind Miss means - never had a man/partner to provide anything, materially or morally the last one gave his sperm and a lot of grief - haven't felt the need to compromise myself since. Doesn't mean I wouldn't if 'Mr Right' came my way.

I think people should all themselves what they prefer - so few like Miss, but I like it.

Micah · 13/05/2018 20:18

Sorry that was to newname new me

Without getting into a brouhaha it remains your legal title

VerbenaBorensis · 13/05/2018 20:26

Some women keep it because they prefer it to their maiden name.

Gilead · 13/05/2018 20:35

I'm one of those Verbena. I've stayed Mrs. Maiden name was a pain, always had to spell it and it was long, often too long for forms etc.
Mind, been nearly two years and I still wear my wedding ring. Don't know what that says about me!

UserV · 13/05/2018 20:44

@helmetbymidnight

So many people dislike the word 'Ms,' funny that.

Not sure what is so 'funny' about it, but most people who dislike it, do so because it sounds naff, and a bit shite, and like it's not even a real word.

I mean how are you meant to even pronounce it. Muzz? Mizz? Murz?

I don't know anyone personally who insists on 'Ms' and if anyone did, I would think it a bit naff to be honest. In addition, I'd think that they were a bit of a pillock..... It's done so no-one knows a woman's marital status, but what they don't realise is that no-one gives a shit anyway.

GabriellaMontez · 13/05/2018 20:47

I've kept his name to be same as children.

So I've kept Mrs to go with. Miss hisname would be false. If I ever revert to my maiden name I may go back to miss. Although it would feel a bit fraudulent. I'll probably end up ms.

MrsMcGarry · 13/05/2018 20:55

Post divorce I have no intention of changing my surname - it's part of my professional identity and something I share with my children. I try not to use a title - if asked whether it's Miss or Mrs I say it's "first name" - if systems have to have a title I use Ms.

But I don't like titles. I don't see why anyone should have to be labelled with their gender and (for women) their marital status

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 13/05/2018 20:56

It's quite rude I think.

That's not your husband anymore and it's no longer your name. It's a holding tactic as they're too weak to move on.

Helmetbymidnight · 13/05/2018 20:59

So many people dislike the word 'Ms,' funny that.

Not sure what is so 'funny' about it, but most people who dislike it, do so because it sounds naff, and a bit shite, and like it's not even a real word.

Uh huh, you really don’t like it, do you?! Grin

I mean how are you meant to even pronounce it. Muzz? Mizz?

Do you struggle with pronunciation in general? Me? I picked up how to pronounce it after I heard it just once, Shock I find it v simple to say but I sympathise if you have language problems.

Graphista · 13/05/2018 21:02

"Because people don’t take you as seriously as a miss when you have kids they just don’t"

Came on to say basically this.

UserV couldn't disagree more with your last comment. It's precisely BECAUSE people care (too bloody much when it's none of their business).

I made the decision just a few days after kicking cheating ex out when because he'd left me literally penniless (and his toddler daughter) I was in the council office basically begging for any help/advice and some 12 year old looking 'customer service agent' looked me up and down and with a sneer turned to a colleague and said 'we've another of them single mums you got the leaflets?' - a scenario that was closely repeated many times in the months that followed.

Teachers, Drs, dwp staff all automatically referred to me as 'Mrs' because I was a mother. As soon as they learned I was divorcing/a divorcee the attitude they took toward me and dd deteriorated.

Was this 20, 30 years ago? Nope! Most recent incident less than a year ago.

And this is several parts of uk too.

On mn people are generally more considerate, more enlightened, real life - not so much.