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Original poster

To wonder why people stay Mrs after divorce?

312 replies

TrainsandDiggers · 13/05/2018 19:03

Linked to the other popular thread (which I apologise I have not been able to read all of, so this may be repeating somewhat...) I’ve often wondered why some women chose to remain known as Mrs after divorce. Even if they want to keep their surname, why the title?

(No judgement on anyone who does this btw - just genuinely curious).

OP posts:
moodance · 14/05/2018 12:18

If the husband died... then you were married? However if there has been a divorce either man or woman has left the other... unless I have missed something?

myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 12:21

you've missed that widowed or divorced, you were married, are not now, and either way its perfectly normal to still be called Mrs

moodance · 14/05/2018 12:34

Doesn't Mrs imply the person is married? ...if the person is widow the person hasn't got divorced as the husband died.

I don't know if I feel amused that someone prefers to imply they are something there not ...

Still trying to understand why a woman would keep the ex name then take the new husband name .... or you do get some women who get married then keeps her ex's name which I find highly amusing.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 14/05/2018 12:35
  1. Because it's on every single document, deed etc and I can't be arsed to change it.
  1. I want to keep the same surname as DD. So if I went to a Miss, but kept married surname that's a person I've never been. I was a Miss 'Maidenname' IYSWIM. Miss 'Marriedname' is my exHs sister, not me.
myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 12:39

Doesn't Mrs imply the person is married? ...if the person is widow the person hasn't got divorced as the husband died

Is a widow any more married than a divorced person is? You're not making any sense.
You can use any title you like at any time. Not only is Mrs fine for divorced women, its correct.

emilypost.com/advice/the-mrs-question/

amusing and all as you find it, you're wrong and you're rude Hmm

moodance · 14/05/2018 12:40

@HollyBollyBooBoo in fairness you would be Ms x .... if you changed from Mrs.

So are you suggesting you are just lazy and that's the reason you haven't changed your name?

soggydigestive · 14/05/2018 12:40

I never thought of Miss as being childish especially when some professions such as medical, law uses the term Miss.

Confused not sure what you mean.
I think a lot of people want to keep the surname their children had and they have often had marriedname a long time so that seems like their name now. Plus it makes travelling abroad with dcs easier potentially.

reallyanotherone · 14/05/2018 12:47

*I never thought of Miss as being childish especially when some professions such as medical, law uses the term Miss.

confused not sure what you mean*

I don’t know about law but in medicine once you qualify as a surgeon your title is Miss or Mr.

It dates back to when surgeons weren’t qualified dr’s, but these days it denotes seniority and earning the repected position of qualified surgeon, have done the arduous training and passed all your exams.

So if you go to hospital for your hip replacement and see the surgical team, “Miss Smith” is by far senior to “Dr Smith”

myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 13:02

I don’t know about law but in medicine once you qualify as a surgeon your title is Miss or Mr

Or Mrs.

dogzdinner · 14/05/2018 13:02

Is a widow any more married than a divorced person is?

I would say, yes they are - maybe not legally but they'd still be DIL, Aunt etc. They wouldn't stop being part of their late husband's family in the same way as they would after a divorce

moodance · 14/05/2018 13:08

Mrs. Does come from the conjugation of Mr's, denoting a husband's possession of his wife. I don't believe many married woman consider themselves to be their husbands possessions anymore so it's interesting after divorce so many woman decided to be the possession of a man who didn't want the woman therefore divorced the woman or the woman did not want the husband therefore divorced the man. I just find it odd and confusing that any woman would want to be defined in such a way! Mrs literally means married l, that's the whole point of it (and why a lot of woman prefer Mr).

Prior to the repopulation of Ms in the 1970's, professional woman routinely went by miss maidenname at work and by Mrs Husbandfirst Husbandlast socially.

Guess I am just a feminist!

myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 13:08

Why would you stop being aunt etc because you got divorced?
Neither a widow nor a divorced woman is still married.

myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 13:10

Moodance you could not be more wrong. Mrs is nothing to do with Mr, it never used to mean married, and does not denote ownership of any kind.
Plenty of feminists are Mrs. You're not in any way superior.

dogzdinner · 14/05/2018 13:12

You're only an Aunt or Uncle to your sibling's children or your spouse's sibling's children.

e.g. my exH isn't Uncle to my brother's children. That would be weird.

myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 13:16

What's weird is telling your children, X is your auntie, unless your uncle dumps her, then she's not any more. What kind of attitude is that?

CuntinuousMingeprovement · 14/05/2018 13:17

Several other people have corrected you on the legal title claim newyearnewme, so I expect you're now aware you're wrong, and that one can use whatever title one prefers and there's no legal framework governing it. But I'd be interested to know why you thought Mrs would remain the legal title of a divorced woman. What was the reason for it? Not bunfighting, I just want to know.

DeadGood · 14/05/2018 13:21

In France for example, even an unmarried woman of, say, 40 would be referred to as “Madame”, not “Mademoiselle”. It is to do with status. A woman of 40 is not a “miss”, regardless of her marital status.

TheTapir · 14/05/2018 13:22

I was Mrs Married surname for 16 years. I changed to Ms Maiden name as soon as I possibly could. I want no link to my lying, cheating ex. I would be embarrassed to still have the same surname as him. Yes, it took a while to get it done but was worth every second.

moodance · 14/05/2018 13:22

@myfriendbob .... maybe have a look at Wikipedia ... and maybe have a look at historical developments.

@myfriendbob you are funny .... don't need to get nasty .... I don't believe I am superior. I just don't feel the need to imply something that I am not.

myfriendbob · 14/05/2018 13:23

Maybe you should look beyond wikipedia, as you don't have the first clue what you are talking about

JacquesHammer · 14/05/2018 13:29

@moondance the word “Mrs” is a shortening of “mistress” which was a title used for both married and unmarried adult women.

dogzdinner · 14/05/2018 13:36

What's weird is telling your children, X is your auntie, unless your uncle dumps her, then she's not any more. What kind of attitude is that?

Why is that weird? It's just telling them the truth, they were only related by marriage. In the same way that their dad isn't your husband any more.

If the sibling had another child - would the ex-wife be Aunt to them too?

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/05/2018 13:39

When I meet women I address them using the title and name they give me.

I don't give a second thought as to whether they are married, divorced, single, separated or widowed. My view of them is based on who they are, not their relationships with men and certainly not a title they have chosen. As a result I don't find women odd or confusing.

I guess I'm just a feminist.

SenecaFalls · 14/05/2018 13:45

Mistress is the feminine form of Master/Mister. It originally designated a status in society like the word it came from, French maitresse, quite apart from marriage. Later the abbreviation Mrs came to mean married.

bigKiteFlying · 14/05/2018 13:52

Lots of posters can't be bothered to change their name back. If it's so much bother why do it in the first place?
I was mid 20s didn't impact my career, seemed to be expect by both families, and went from a really common surname to unusual one seemed a plus at the time and I wanted same name as children we were planning.

I was surprised even with foresight to get extra copies of documents to send off how much of a hassle it all was and was lucky passport was due to be changed anyway so cost was coming up anyway.

Since then I've accumulated more admin like more bank accounts, more pension schemes, I have contact with more Government departments and official bodies - mainly due to having children. There would be many more people to contact.

Also a lot of companies and official bodes seem to mess up address changes with moves IME which puts me off changing name even more.

Plus I’d have issue of different surname to kids - something that irritates my DSis who thanks to DN having Dad’s surname gets addressed incorrectly a lot.

Plus having done family research my maiden name as common as smith hasn’t much history it crops up fairly late in family on birth certificate with unmarried mother but with a father filled in – but the surname is neither parents and neither parent appears in records anywhere else. It’s all very odd. So there only a few generations attached to that name plus I’ve spent more of my adult life as Mrs DH surname – so not a huge emotional attachment to maiden name.

If I ever do divorce I’d keep my current name – plus I’m not sure I’d change even if I ever married again.

When I meet women I address them using the title and name they give me. I don't give a second thought as to whether they are married, divorced, single, separated or widowed.

There are so many variations and different set ups I’m always surprised everyone doesn’t do that rather than make assumptions.