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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says I'm weird about food.

245 replies

Russet56 · 13/05/2018 13:09

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 13/05/2018 16:46

Op, try serving dinner 'family style' on the table so he helps himself and see if he still eats off your plate.

lljkk · 13/05/2018 16:56

I wonder if OP will comment on the allegation that he is a controlling gaslighter? Doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like they are happy couple otherwise &OP doesn't have other similar issues.

Grimtimes · 13/05/2018 17:00

My FIL is exactly the same. If you leave anything on your plate he will eat it. Even so much as clearing the plates from the table and finishing the remains of everyone's plate whilst in the kitchen. He is a born pig. It does come from a poor childhood where you only got seconds if you'd finished what was on your plate so he eats at a phenomenal pace. It's disgusting to watch.
If I put food out in dishes for a family meal I.e. roast or Chinese takeaway he will have first serving then finish it fast and get second servings before we've even served ourselves.
My MIL eats like a sparrow and limits food so when visiting he eats as much as he can. He is 6ft tall and underweight.
After one 3 course meal at normal 6.30pm dinner time I went into the kitchen at 8.30pm to find him making sandwiches with 4 rounds of bread and full to the brim with fillings.
I really think he has a problem as does your DH.
Alcohol is now having to be restricted after I came back from holiday and they'd stayed at ours to look after the cat and he'd drank 6 bottles of wine and half a bottle of each of the spirits in the cupboard thinking we wouldn't notice!
Is he restricted in anyway what he eats?

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 17:02

My MIL eats like a sparrow and limits food

She limits food? Do you mean she physically stops him eating or just that she doesn’t make lots of food and he doesn’t make any for himself?

FunkyHeroCat · 13/05/2018 17:06

Annoying, but nothing to leave him over, my DH also has annoying habits and I wouldn't say he's an arsehole or abusive because of it!

However, if he tried to take any of my dinner he would soon have a fork sticking out of his hand (luckily he hasn't done that in 16 years of marriage Grin)

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 17:08

It would make me so so anxious if someone ate off my plate.

Grimtimes · 13/05/2018 17:11

She buys food for certain meals I.e. a pork chop jacket spud and carrots...so it's portioned per meal. So 14 apples for the week ...7 each! Yes really! It's the type of household if you turned up unexpectedly there would be nothing to make a family meal with for 6 say. Just 2 of each meal.
I'm sure he lives like this because she'd give him a hard time if he didn't. He's a doormat to her.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/05/2018 17:14

I don't know how you haven't stabbed him with a kebab skewer!
The fat balls idea is great and high horse you are spectacularly rude.

BakedBeans47 · 13/05/2018 17:15

My husband can be quite greedy but he’d never eat food I’d bought for a specific meal or steak from my plate when I’m still eating.

BakedBeans47 · 13/05/2018 17:15

*steal

SunshineandRain18 · 13/05/2018 17:17

My OH used to do things like this.
I would make him a massive plateful because he has a big appetite.
But if there was any left over and me and the kids asked for it. He would tell us no because he should get first dibs. He needs more calories and is bigger because hes a man. He would also watch to see if I left anything.
So in the end I put a stop to it by giving the kids the left overs and throwing mine in the bin. I told him if he wanted to be greedy he can cook his own dam tea.

Things soon changed!

KnobOfStork · 13/05/2018 17:30

My mum used to do this, the lip smacking and "mmm that looks tasty" or "let me check it's not been poisoned" does my head in. I can hear her in my head reading this Angry Her justification is that I did it once when I was about 4
Every time we go for a meal I decide we usually want the same thing anyway so I insist on sharing one. If she has a packet of crisps and you ask for one she crunches them up so you can't, or strops and refuses to finish her food if someone else asks to take any. She definitely has weird issues with hoarding crap food and can't cook at all for herself though. She does share if asked but if you ask for eg a biscuit from an already open packet she'll hand it over but not take it back again.

Addy2 · 13/05/2018 17:30

blackamericanonosugar

That's hilarious. OP, you should definitely do that. Grin

DarthArts · 13/05/2018 18:34

Spoke to DH (who has a healthy appetite - goes to gym a lot).

He thinks your DH is a controlling dick and that you should buy a cattle prod to zap him with every time he comes near your plate.

Also stop offering him your sandwich.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 18:42

Yes, my husband is a big lad and eats a lot. He will sometimes eat what I've left, and often not.

I asked him if he would ever ask for a bite of my sandwich and then cram the whole thing in his mouth and he just gave me that look Confused and said what, no, who the fuck would do that. What a ridiculous question.

So another Male in this house who wouldn't do it. I also don't think any of our Male friends would either.

AnneProtheroe · 13/05/2018 18:45

DarthArts
Spoke to DH (who has a healthy appetite - goes to gym a lot).

He thinks...

Don't you have your own opinion? Confused

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 18:47

She gave her own opinion. She also gave another mans

Grow the fuck up and read the thread.

SunshineandRain18 · 13/05/2018 18:48

@AnneProtheroe
I assume she does have her own opinion but is simply putting a male spin on things.

Why do some people in this thread have to be so bloody rude!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 13/05/2018 18:53

One Christmas Day, my Grandad said 'are you eating that?' and speared my last pig in blanket. I was furious. When pudding was served I leaned over and had a massive scoop of his Apple pie and cream! Funny that he didn't think that was ok! He and my uncle take food off my grandmother's plate too. It drives me potty. Whenever they're over for dinner now, as I know what they are going to do, I sit them apart if possible or keep an extra portion back for my Grandmother. They're rude fuckers.

DarthArts · 13/05/2018 18:55

@AnneProtheroe

Yes I have my own opinion which I posted earlier (3 posts in fact).

As Blunt and Sun pointed out, I was offering up the viewpoint of a man who has a very hearty appetite - in direct response to some posters who seem to think that the behaviour of the OP's DH is "normal".

So as per your post DFOD Smile

QuestionableMouse · 13/05/2018 19:00

@Highhorse1981

Could you fuck right off with that comment? Not all of us fatties obsess about food every second of the day.

Mooneyes · 13/05/2018 19:06

And this is why I never allowed the DC to get away with any begging/pleading/pestering behaviour over food. It is so rude and unattractive. My mum's side of the family used to be awful for it, you couldn't eat so much as a raisin without a grown uncle or small cousin breathing over it, wanting some, grabbing it from you if they could.

DarthArts · 13/05/2018 19:09

OP where are you?

Unless you're defending your dinner with a fork I have questions Smile

Is he like this with anyone else?

Does/did he take food from the children? Friends?

Is he controlling in any other aspects of your relationship?

You say you "rub along", but really is that because you create an environment where that's possible?

I don't think you need to LTB quite yet but he's due a lot of training........

ferrier · 13/05/2018 19:13

Definitely stop cooking for him.

MsSquiz · 13/05/2018 19:17

If anyone attempts to eat food off my plate gets a swift jab with my fork... you wouldn't accept the behaviour from a child, why accept it from an adult?

When it comes to taking food bought specifically for a recipe, just don't cook for him. And when he asks why explain that he has eaten the ingredients for his dinner so you have just made your own dinner from other ingredients?

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