Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says I'm weird about food.

245 replies

Russet56 · 13/05/2018 13:09

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Russet56 · 13/05/2018 15:05

Wow lots of replies! I haven't read them all yet so just to address a few questions:
Neither of us is overweight, well he might be a touch but nothing dramatic.
We are both from middle class backgrounds.
He is prone to obsessions, he will get completely immersed in something for a few weeks or months then move on to something else.
I wouldn't say he was perfect and absolutely lovely in every other way but we mostly rub along pretty well and have been together a very long time.
We have adult children.
He did go to boarding school.

OP posts:
madja · 13/05/2018 15:07

The zombie apocalypse has started and she’s eaten the greedy wanker
GrinGrin

frieda909 · 13/05/2018 15:10

My brother is very tall and does a lot of sport, and needs something like 4000 calories a day just to maintain his body weight. If we go out to dinner he will finish off every single other person’s meal, and then ask for dessert. He has the biggest appetite of anyone I have ever known.

And I have NEVER seen him steal food from anyone else’s plate, or shove someone else’s entire sandwich in his mouth, or eat entire packets of ingredients that were bought for dinner.

This is most definitely not just what ‘hungry men’ do!

kaitlinktm · 13/05/2018 15:13

Did he eat food off the children's plates when they were at home OP - and did he ask for a bite of their sandwich and then stuff it all in his mouth? Or does he just do it with you?

ItsNachoCheese · 13/05/2018 15:14

He sounds like a greedy, childish and selfish pig. Id tell him to piss off and buy his own food to eat from now on

Juells · 13/05/2018 15:16

It's reminiscent of how agrarian societies used to work in the dark ages, isn't it? The father gets the most food and any meat there is, the women and children make do with the scraps.

I'd eat separately.

Jaxhog · 13/05/2018 15:16

It's extremely disrespectful. The empty packets put back suggest he knows this and feels guilty. But not guilty enough to stop. .

I would start cooking without the ingredient he's eaten and see how he likes it. If he says he likes it, I'd keep a secret stash somewhere that you don't use with his food.

Jaxhog · 13/05/2018 15:19

Ah boarding school! That may explain everything. My DH went, and he eats everything in sight, including my left overs. He hates seeing an empty plate. It's due to years of deprivation. Bit extreme though.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/05/2018 15:19

Has he got worse since the DC left home? Is this a recent development? If he previously ate within normal parameters of behaviour, I suspect he abused OP in other ways, though.

ShawshanksRedemption · 13/05/2018 15:21

You have adult children.

Has your DH always been this way? If so, why are you finding it particularly frustrating now? What changed for you? I'm assuming you've lived for years with this as the status quo and married him knowing he was like it.

If he hasn't always been this way, again, what changed?

I'll be honest, I find his behaviour very bizarre, and as you can see from the replies, certainly not within normal parameters!

MagneticMan · 13/05/2018 15:22

It's him that's the problem. He has the attitude that 'what's his is his and what's your is also his'.

I'm experiencing something similar, but on a lesser scale with my partner. It's really putting me off him to be honest.

I started off thinking he was just greedy but now I'm of the opinion it's controlling behaviour.

We don't live together and when I go round to stay I take my own food & drink due to dietary restrictions. From the moment I walk in he's asking me "what have you got in there?" referring to the shopping bag. He hovers over me while I'm unpacking, watching every item like a hawk and commenting "that looks nice/tasty etc". He also feels the need to handle every item of food, like he's scent marking it.

Just a few examples:

Asking me if I'd like a top-up of my wine and then taking a massive, noisy slurp out of it as he carries it back to me.

Drinking the rest of the (expensive) Merlot I left at his house but thinking it's okay because he offers me a glass of the cheap, shitty plonk he didn't want to drink.

Commenting that he doesn't like salt & vinegar crisps (that I'd bought for myself) and then scoffing 80% of the packet. He also licks his fingers and then dips his hand back in the packet

Literally putting his face over my food and sniffing it when I'm eating, saying how nice it smells and how it's making him hungry even though he's just finished his own meal. He watches every mouthful I take with a hurt expression because I'm not offering him some.

God it feels good to get that out of my system!

PositivelyPERF · 13/05/2018 15:24

I highlighted this bit massive, noisy slurp out of it as he carries it back to me read the rest, then just thought Oh My Fuck! 🤢 That would be an ex partner if he did that to me. 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

reddingtn · 13/05/2018 15:25

MagneticMan get rid of him! Ugh!

diddl · 13/05/2018 15:32

"God it feels good to get that out of my system!"

You'd feel an awful lot better if you got him out of your system!

He sounds utterly revolting.

madja · 13/05/2018 15:32

Urgghh. What is it about boarding school that makes people hoard? (genuine question)

MagneticMan · 13/05/2018 15:32

@PositivelyPERF He most likely will be my ex very soon. I made an excuse not to go round and stay with him this weekend and dreamt last night that we'd split up (was slightly disappointed when I woke up!).

Like the OP's husband, he's absolutely fine in all other respects but this is rapidly becoming a deal breaker for me as it seems to be escalating.

WingsOnMyBoots · 13/05/2018 15:33

Blimey! I know dogs and cats with better manners than some people!

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 13/05/2018 15:33

might be the boarding school thing... years of having food in specific portions and at set times

No excuse for him trying to blame it on you though. If hes got issues about food he needs to own up to that and deal with it not gaslight you about it.

Branleuse · 13/05/2018 15:33

@magneticman thats horrible. You dont have to put up with that you know

AnneProtheroe · 13/05/2018 15:34

Every day I'm a little more amazed at how badly some people let their partner treat them! Shock

NoSquirrels · 13/05/2018 15:35

What was he like with the DC and food, OP? Is he like this in other social situations involving food - meals with others where you help yourselves from the centre, or buffets?

Sweetieknots · 13/05/2018 15:36

I think a lot of stuff like this is also under the passive aggressive category - it’s designed to wind other people up so they end up looking like the unreasonable ones (ie you’re now the controlling wife who won’t let him eat anything)

If you can’t bear to get rid of him, I think I’d just start eating separately tbh.

FilledSoda · 13/05/2018 15:37

this behaviour has nothing to do with hunger or greed and everything to do with control and dominance.
It's quite disgusting really.
I wonder how these men rationalise it to themselves.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/05/2018 15:39

That would drive me nuts. DH has learnt that the DC's food is the DC's food, so he doesn't eat stuff I've bought for snacks/packed suppers etc.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/05/2018 15:40

MagneticMan he sounds like a labrador in a human body.

Swipe left for the next trending thread